The first thing I would tell you, if we were having a beer is the startling discovery I made earlier this week in our office. I don’t use the word “startling” lightly, I really do think this is right up there with “the best way to peel an orange.” Of course, if I tried to follow that process, the video would be titled “the most disgusting way to make orange juice.” Cut the thing into fourths, stick the sections in a ZipLock™ and be done with it. Anyway, I’ve managed to get pretty far off track pretty quickly. Let’s get back to that discovery of mine.
Do you have one of those Keurig coffee makers in your office/home? I don’t really like them. As far as I can tell, they are the most expensive and most environmentally unfriendly way to make coffee. Ever. That process represents the epitome of convenience triumphing over all that is good. It’s like driving a bulldozer on a straight line from your home to your office because it’s easier for you. OK, that’s a bit of hyperbole and, once again I am off the track.
One of the things I hate about Keurig brewed coffee is that I almost always end up with small coffee grounds in my cup. The secret to avoiding that is to never put your cup under the dispenser until you’re ready to push the brew button.
I made this discovery by accident. I wanted a cup of hot water, which on most office-style machines, doesn’t involve the brew portion of the device (it’s a separate water supply). I put my empty cup on the unit, then out of habit, I opened the cup-thingie to discharge the old cup. I then closed the cup-thingie and saw that my cup contained a bunch of coffee grounds. The grounds don’t come from the brew process, they come as a result of the fact that practically no one ever cleans these machines (which might be another concern). Grounds collect inside the moving parts and the vibrations send them into your cup. You can thank me later.
This is how it works when you’re having a beer. I would start talking about my interesting discovery about our coffee maker and you would say:
“Is it one of those Keurig deals?”
I would say “yes” and you would say:
“I hate those things. Did you ever think about how expensive they’ve made coffee?”
And so forth.
The next thing I would tell you is how cold it was in my office. You would nod because if we were having a beer, you would also live in Connecticut where 10 of the first 24 days this month have started below zero. We would want to talk about how cold it’s been, but I would have to share this story with you first.
The first time I flew to Ft Lauderdale, FL was several years ago in February. On my way to the cab, I noticed that it was warmer than it was at home (by a long way) but it wasn’t as warm as I had expected it to be. I asked my Caribbean native cab driver if it was a normal day.
“It has been a little cooler than normal this week.”
“Well, it’s a lot warmer than home. It was three degrees below zero when I left for the airport at 4:00 am.”
“Below zero? The temperature goes below the zero? I’ve never been anywhere where the temperature goes below the zero. Why do you live there?”
But then I would tell you how it was 62°f in my office. I wouldn’t bother to say the ‘f’ part because we both live in just about the only country on Earth still using the Fahrenheit scale for temperature. So, just 62° and you’d have the picture. 62° is cold. It’s no negative-three, and to be sure, it feels pretty good walking into a 62° room from outside where it’s -3° but when you sit down, you pretty quickly realize that it’s cold. When that expensive, unenvironmentally-brewed cup of coffee quickly goes from not quite scalding hot to lukewarm, you realize it’s cold. About three hours later, when your office is almost all the way up to 66° and you notice the difference, you know that 62° was cold.
Of course, since we’re probably both guys and/or you’re probably as old as I am, we would drift into a series of “back when I was a kid” conversations and stories about camping misadventures, cars with bad water pumps, football games in December and the first time our furnace died in the middle of the night. We would certainly need another round for those conversations. If I recall correctly from the first post in this infrequent series, it’s my turn to buy.