If We Were Having a Beer

Keurig Machine

Even though I was often the one who had to clean the pots and brew the first pot, I miss the old coffee makers.

The first thing I would tell you, if we were having a beer is the startling discovery I made earlier this week in our office. I don’t use the word “startling” lightly, I really do think this is right up there with “the best way to peel an orange.” Of course, if I tried to follow that process, the video would be titled “the most disgusting way to make orange juice.” Cut the thing into fourths, stick the sections in a ZipLock™ and be done with it. Anyway, I’ve managed to get pretty far off track pretty quickly. Let’s get back to that discovery of mine.

Do you have one of those Keurig coffee makers in your office/home? I don’t really like them. As far as I can tell, they are the most expensive and most environmentally unfriendly way to make coffee. Ever. That process represents the epitome of convenience triumphing over all that is good. It’s like driving a bulldozer on a straight line from your home to your office because it’s easier for you. OK, that’s a bit of hyperbole and, once again I am off the track.

One of the things I hate about Keurig brewed coffee is that I almost always end up with small coffee grounds in my cup. The secret to avoiding that is to never put your cup under the dispenser until you’re ready to push the brew button.

I made this discovery by accident. I wanted a cup of hot water, which on most office-style machines, doesn’t involve the brew portion of the device (it’s a separate water supply). I put my empty cup on the unit, then out of habit, I opened the cup-thingie to discharge the old cup. I then closed the cup-thingie and saw that my cup contained a bunch of coffee grounds. The grounds don’t come from the brew process, they come as a result of the fact that practically no one ever cleans these machines (which might be another concern). Grounds collect inside the moving parts and the vibrations send them into your cup. You can thank me later.

This is how it works when you’re having a beer. I would start talking about my interesting discovery about our coffee maker and you would say:

Is it one of those Keurig deals?

I would say “yes” and you would say:

I hate those things. Did you ever think about how expensive they’ve made coffee?

And so forth.

The next thing I would tell you is how cold it was in my office. You would nod because if we were having a beer, you would also live in Connecticut where 10 of the first 24 days this month have started below zero. We would want to talk about how cold it’s been, but I would have to share this story with you first.

The first time I flew to Ft Lauderdale, FL was several years ago in February. On my way to the cab, I noticed that it was warmer than it was at home (by a long way) but it wasn’t as warm as I had expected it to be. I asked my Caribbean native cab driver if it was a normal day.

It has been a little cooler than normal this week.”

Well, it’s a lot warmer than home. It was three degrees below zero when I left for the airport at 4:00 am.”

Below zero? The temperature goes below the zero? I’ve never been anywhere where the temperature goes below the zero. Why do you live there?

Good question.

But then I would tell you how it was 62°f in my office. I wouldn’t bother to say the ‘f’ part because we both live in just about the only country on Earth still using the Fahrenheit scale for temperature. So, just 62° and you’d have the picture. 62° is cold. It’s no negative-three, and to be sure, it feels pretty good walking into a 62° room from outside where it’s -3° but when you sit down, you pretty quickly realize that it’s cold. When that expensive, unenvironmentally-brewed cup of coffee quickly goes from not quite scalding hot to lukewarm, you realize it’s cold. About three hours later, when your office is almost all the way up to 66° and you notice the difference, you know that 62° was cold.

Of course, since we’re probably both guys and/or you’re probably as old as I am, we would drift into a series of “back when I was a kid” conversations and stories about camping misadventures, cars with bad water pumps, football games in December and the first time our furnace died in the middle of the night. We would certainly need another round for those conversations. If I recall correctly from the first post in this infrequent series, it’s my turn to buy.

About Dan Antion

Husband, father, woodworker, cyclist, photographer, geek - oh wait, I’m writing this like I only have 140 characters. I am all those things, and more, and all of these passions present me with opportunities to observe, and think about things that I can’t write about in other places. I have started this blog to catch the stuff that falls out, overflows and just plain doesn’t fit the other containers in my life.
This entry was posted in If having a beer, New England Life, Rant and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

82 Responses to If We Were Having a Beer

  1. Jill's Scene says:

    Dan, if we were having a beer (well, actually I’d be having a wine, red – a merlot) I’d have a laugh at your anecdote about the Caribbean cab driver and tell you about the first time I went to the tropics. It was Fiji, 2012, at the end of our winter; winters here don’t get as cold as yours, not by a long shot, but they are wet and damp. I got off the plane and, I swear, within one minute my bones were warm. I’d tell you how much I loved that, about what a relief it was to be warm again, through and through. And I’d tell you about the Fijian gentleman I met who told me he lived in New Zealand for a while; about how he told me it’s too wet and cold here for him; about how he moved back to Fiji so as to be warm again. And I’d tell you about the tone of his voice – how he sounded sorry for me.
    Another great post, thank-you. Wishing you warmer days, soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Jill. Spring is coming. We are adding about two minutes of daylight every day, sooner or later this white mass has to melt. I don’t mind the snow but the prolonged cold is getting old. My cabbie was also sympathetic. If we ever get to the same bar, I’ll get you that wine.

      Like

  2. Stan says:

    And….you miss out on the wonderful aroma of coffee brewing
    And….you skip the addictive anticipation of that first sip
    And…you miss the appreciative response when you hand a cup to a friend and you got it right
    And…..

    Yeah, kabash on K cups

    Liked by 2 people

  3. We have a Keurig in my office. It was a perk that was provided INSTEAD OF RAISES. Sure, it’s nice to be able to have whatever flavor coffee you want, but if I had GOTTEN A RAISE, I could go out buy whatever coffee I want. I seldom drink coffee in the office – there’s just never any time.

    However, on the rare occasions I do use that Keurig, I’ll start using your method. I sure don’t want someone else’s old coffee grounds in my cup!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      A perk? Instead of raises? Ugh. Ours is not free, we pay a small amount per cup, but it still feels like a bad deal. I know that it’s only hot water and coffee grounds but the fact that I don’t know how long that previous cup has been there is always a question.

      So, if you seldom drink coffee in the office, then the whole ‘perk’ thing doesn’t really work for you. Hmmm. Thanks for the comment.

      Like

  4. If we were having a beer I would tell you I lived in Darien and Wilton Connecticut and my office was freezing in the winter and like the gates of hell in the summer. I would complain to the building super to check the heat or air and he would always say. “it must be the thermostat. A new one will be here in a week.” Four years later I moved and never got the thermostat.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      I always say that in the summer, I won’t mind the heat as much as I mind the cold but when July gets here, I’ll change my mind. The worst part John is that I’m the guy who has to deal with the building management and hear the story about the thermostats and monitors and sensors and I just keep pointing to the clock and say “it’s cold.” Wilton is not that far away, I think you’d be pretty cold in that office this year. Thanks for stopping by.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. If we were having a beer, I would tell you that when The Mister was stationed in Georgia, we could tell where people were from by how they dressed around the 50F mark. People in shorts and tees were decidedly more northern than we, and people in parkas and gloves were from tropical places. I can remember joining another mother for a walk to school, me in my long sleeve tee and capris, her in her fur-lined parka, and I was not surprised she was from Guam. We both thought the other was nuts, and I asked her, “How will you cope when winter comes?” She gasped and asked, “It gets colder than this?!?” Hehehe.
    62 inside is too cold, unless it’s 105 outside.
    If we were having more beer, I’d tell you that I think Keurigs are dreadful. If I wanted to wait for coffee, let alone behind a line of other people waiting for coffee, I’d be at the coffee shop, now wouldn’t I? Don’t even get me started on the cost or the waste, I’m still stuck on the horror of waiting for coffee. Cripes.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dan Antion says:

      I am trying to imagine the two of you walking. That had to be quite a sight.

      I spent my freshman year at UGA in Athens and I remember one time that it snowed and one time that we had an ice storm. You could definitely identify the few of us from the north. I also spent a week at orientation in July and I remember the heat that sticks to you.

      It’s interesting that you mention the line. I remember the older style systems, and of course there were times that you had to rinse the pot and brew another. I don’t think I minded that wait as much.

      Thanks for the comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. loisajay says:

    If we were having a beer, I’d pass mine to you and ask for a glass of Pinot. Then I would tell you that I do have a Keurig because that was the only decent gift in the 20-year anniversary catalogue I was given last year. I always hit the medium cup as soon as I put my cup under the pour thing, but I will ALWAYS do that after reading your post. If I want grounds in my cup, I will let the filter fall in, which is does almost every day, when I make a real cup of coffee. It’s gotta be me. Your digresses are great, by the way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Lois. I like your comment about the filter. KCups are popular for a reason. I do remember the problems with the glass pots and the filters and grounds. I once made quite a mess with those. I like to digress in these posts because that’s what I would do in a bar, right after I ordered that Pinot for you.

      I always brew a large cup. My friend John always brews two smalls because he likes it strong.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. rwzagami says:

    Damn, it must have been a slow day in Connecticut! If we were having a beer I’d be having Jack Daniel’s. I don’t believe in “cold”, although I did put a long sleeve cotton sweater on when it got to ten below this past week. As for Keurig, the greatest invention ever made for coffee lovers – easy, quick, hot, great selection and I never get coffee grinds . . . what are you doing wrong Dan?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dan Antion says:

      Well Bob, I know that you would be having Jack, but I didn’t know you were such a hearty individual :) Anyway, it would be a good conversation because you might explain to me what I’m doing wrong with that darn machine. I don’t think you could ever convince me that it’s a better cup of coffee than brewed or percolated, but it would be fun to be there while you tried.

      Like

      • rwzagami says:

        Keuring = Convenience. You are right, nothing beats fresh ground, fresh brewed coffee, and that’s aroma wakes me every morning. But during the day when it’s just me pounding away on the keyboard, you can’t beat the convenience. Also a great addition to any RV. You wake up and the coffee pot hasn’t kicked in yet, I grab a quick Keurig cup and head outside to watch the sunrise and check on Mother Nature.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Dan Antion says:

          The quick cup and step outside part is true Bob. I’ve seen some of the photos you’ve shared from those mornings. The last think I’d recommend is wasting time over coffee at that point.

          Like

  8. bikerchick57 says:

    If we were having a beer, I’d agree with you about the Keurig process being a bit expensive. I’d also talk about cats and bitter cold and football (go Packers!). Maybe tell you about how warm it is in my office. It might be a bit of an awkward conversation since we really don’t know each other, but that would change after your third beer and my second chocolate martini.

    What?

    I said IF we were having a beer…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dan Antion says:

      So far, I seem to be the only person having a beer in these comments. Pinot, Merlot, Chardonnay, Jack and now a martini – phew! Oh well, as long as we are talking I guess it doesn’t matter. As for football, we would have to agree to disagree (Steelers fan) but I have a great amount of respect for the Packers, their organization and their fans, so I’d still buy you that second martini. I’d give you credit if you’ve been to a December game at Lambeau but I’d point out that late December games at Three Rivers Stadium were no picnic. Still, you would win that round. And cats, oh my, we could talk forever about cats.

      Like

      • bikerchick57 says:

        Yes, I’ve been to Lambeau Field in December, when it was snowing. Fun! I have to tell you that the Steelers were my #2 team for many years, while Bill Cowher was coach. I loved that guy and I thought the Steelers were the AFC equivalent of the Packers – cold weather, smash-mouth, let’s-play-football team. I kind of lost interest after Cowher quit coaching and, of course, I rooted for MY team the year they won the Super Bowl. :-)

        Liked by 1 person

  9. If we were having a beer, it would be a Cabernet Sauvignon or Chardonnay for me depending on my mood. I keep the house thermostat set to 68º and it’s cold in here. I wear two layers usually, and wool socks all year long. Today I even had a blanket around my shoulders on and off throughout the day. I know I’m a wimp when it comes to cold.

    I drink coffee socially, and don’t know how to make a pot of coffee that tastes good to save my life. I drink tea. So much easier to make, but I do get tea leaves in the bottom of cup daily. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks for the comment Deborah. My wife keeps our house at 68 (winter and summer, I swear – well, maybe not that cold in the summer, but…). I’m not sure why, but I don’t mind tea leaves in my cup as much as coffee grounds. Tea leaves seem so natural whereas coffee grounds seem like garbage.

      Like

  10. We just had one of those replace our very functioning normal coffee pot at work. I don’t like them either. I think the coffee is overpriced and its’ wasteful containers a pain. I thought maybe I was the only one who felt that way…

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Sammy D. says:

    We got a Keurig in 2013 for Christmas and have to use it because the giftors would be insulted if we didn’t. But I agree with all your reasons they are SO wrong for coffee, cost and environment. What I miss is grinding my own coffee. I’m going to give it a few more months, claim it stopped working and buy a Pot style again.

    I can sleep in a cold bedroom, but not function in a cold room.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Deborah says:

    If we were having a beer, I’d tell you that I don’t care for those darn Keurig. To me, they’re more like some kind of novelty coffee that you’d see demonstrated at a weird museum and that no one in their right mind would ever use on a regular basis.
    I’d also tell you about my weird experience in Taiwan, where even though it dips to the 40s (F). Six years, and I understand centigrade–I just am stubborn. ;-) Plus, hardly anyone I speak to outside of my friends here understands me when I talk “centigrade.” ;-) But I digress–it must be contagious. Anyway, it’s rare here for people to have central heat, so in the winter, it can be quite interesting. It gives a whole new meaning to dressing in layers. We also sleep in layers. I often refer to the pile of blankets on my side of the bed as my “burrow.” The burrow is great, but getting out of bed in the morning is a bitch. :-)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks for the comment Deborah. Hang on to Fahrenheit :) I’ve heard about places where central heat is rare but it seems so strange. 40’s is a cold range to be in for a long time. I do like the bedroom cold, and I enjoy a pile of blankets but I like knowing that the room is at least in the 60’s when I have to crawl out of the burrow (I like that term). BTW, I agree with Lois, I like it when people digress.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. bryantduhon says:

    If we were having a beer, I’d tell you that you need to get you one of these: http://www.amazon.com/Tupperware-Set-10-Citrus-Peeler/dp/B005M7B82U/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1425040755&sr=8-2&keywords=orange+peeler

    Or just splurge for the easy-peel clementines — MUCH easier.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Bryant. I know how you feel about the cold and not moving any farther north than you are. If the cold keeps chasing you, I wouldn’t be surprised to see you head back south. As for citrus peelers, I think that’s why God gave us thumbs.

      Like

  14. cardamone5 says:

    Wish we lived closer. I would enjoy getting to know you better over a beer or Keurig brewed cup of coffee (tea for me.) It’s been freezing here too. I don’t work outside the home so I haven’t been exposed to cold offices recently, but I have a bad case of constant cold right now due to feeling like the weather will never break, so I am sympathetic, not empathetic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      It’s funny Elizabeth, our home probably isn’t any warmer than my office but it’s different when you’re home. If I could dress the way I would at home, I wouldn’t care about the temp in the office. Getting to know people over coffee/tea/beer is a great process. Getting to know them over a blog is actually a pretty good way too. At least it has been for me.

      Like

  15. Glynis Jolly says:

    Why is it that we gravitate to talking about the past? Is it that our present lives are that boring? Is it that we mistakenly believe that the past was better and wish to regress to it? I know that I’ve gotten into this habit and, to tell the truth, am getting tired of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      While I don’t think this was particularly reflective, I do sometimes write about or tell stories from the past. I try to learn from those experiences and I hope to pass some of those lessons onto others. Thanks for your comment.

      Like

    • Dan Antion says:

      I think I missed the point of your comment. I’m sorry. I guess you were talking about thd last paragraph? The past is always easy to talk about, like the weather but I do find that as I learn more about people, we venture into current territory. Usually, when I reach into the past, particularly at a bar, it’s to retrieve a funny story.

      Occassionally, as when I wrote “Jupiter Effect” I reach back to share something that should not be forgotten. Even though it was clearly a time that was not better than today. https://nofacilities.com/2014/09/02/the-jupiter-effect/

      Liked by 1 person

  16. If we were having a beer, I’d exclaim, “What a coincidence! Not fifteen minutes ago my husband posed the question, ‘Why don’t they make coffee bags?'”

    “Coffee bags”? I asked.
    “Yeah, like tea bags, but you know, coffee.”
    And then the conversation went downhill from there.

    So. You’re buying the next round? Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. John Hric says:

    not ‘if’ – ‘when’. Think positive please. Although with these temperatures ‘later when’ just might apply. I do find your bulldozer discussion. And I like the way you stayed on point and did not mention that it would be a designer color bulldozer with wifi and an incredibly sophisticated sound system to mitigate the crunching houses and police sirens.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. OK the first thing is, why do you assume we are both guys? :) Second, if it was that cold outside I would definitely not be drinking beer. I know those coffee makers are kind of silly. I guess one nice feature is you get to pick what type of coffee you are drinking. And 62 indoors is too cold. I have been thinking about all you easterners lately. So grateful for California weather. Yeah! I almost posted California Dreamin’ with the Mamas and Pappas but I thought that might be rubbing it in too much. :)

    Like

    • Dan Antion says:

      I did try to back away from the guy thing because I have had conversations with women at a bar. Usually women my age and you’re right, I was drinking beer, not them. Actually, as I scan these comments, I’m the only one drinking beer. As for the coffee machines, I guess the multitude of flavors is a good thing, but I tend to just like regular old coffee. If I were having a beer, and you a fancy coffee drink Deborah, you could tell me what it’s like to
      Live through a drought or maybe an earthquake. Thanks for the comment.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ha ha. The drought is not so much fun. Earthquakes either. But I have grown up with earthquakes so I am kinda used to them. Not looking for “the big one” earthquake gods if you happen to be reading this. :)

        Like

  19. I almost forgot to reply and comment on this one here. However, I have a question, since I already commented on the Google +. The question is – when you have spare time and when you sit with your friends over a conversation, what drink you would normally order? A coffee, a beer, a soda or anything else?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Some days af work, three of us walk for coffee. It’s about a 15 minute walk but the conversation usually ends when we return because we’re working. I see retired guys in the coffee shop talking. I think I could do that but not now. Now, coffee means work. My treat to myself these days is a short stay at the bar of a local restaurant where I order take out (take away?) on Saturday. Then it’s beer.

      I can talk over anything Sharukh but these days, beer means I’m relaxing. Thanks for asking.

      Like

  20. Dan Hennessy says:

    If we were having a beer together , and you were buying —- say anything you like .

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Mélanie says:

    @”If We Were Having a Beer…” – sure, any time, but a Belgian brown ale… O.K. deal? :)

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Peter Nena says:

    I ignored this post for so long because I thought it was a comment. I remember you had written a post about having a beer and there was something in it about complimenting the ladies. I thought this post was a continuation of comments left by readers. I get those all the time.
    Anyway, it’s good I decided to find out. I like the astonishment in the Caribbean driver’s voice. I have a friend from Minnesota. One day when we were on the phone I complained that it was too cold in Nairobi (it was in July). He asked me what temperature it was and I said around 20 degrees Celsius. He laughed and said I was crazy to complain of that. He said if I went to visit him in winter I might freeze to death because the temperature drops to negatives.
    I’m not into beer, but if we had some, I guess we’d talk about tech stuff. The programming. PLCs etc. I like that stuff. I can do C++ and Java, and I am also okay with microprocessors. So we’d have a tech episode, I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Peter. Sorry for the confusion. I was thinking about making this a monthly feature/drill along the lines of the “if we were having coffee” meme others use. So far, I think I only have one beer drinker in the comments.

      20c ? No, no, no Peter, that is not cold. That’s about as warm as it ever gets IN MY OFFICE in winter. Our average temperature in February (now that the official results are in) was 16f (~-9c) – That’s the average. It was the coldest month we have had since they started keeping records in 1904.

      If I were having a beer, you could have whatever you like and we could talk about anything. I would want to know where you get the ideas for your amazing stories and how you develop them.

      Thanks for deciding to read this and for adding your comment.

      Like

  23. If you were having a beer it’d be a Japanese beer at the happy hour and I’d be eating sushi and drinking hot green tea. We’d be laughing heartily at the crazy westerners who find that a half-inch of hail on Huntington Beach is a big deal when the easterners are lucky they can see out their windows and not get frostbite. We would segue into a talk about non-organic coffee and the heavy use of pesticides ruining the rainforest environment and rivers and then we would plot to get rid of the Keurigs and the Starbucks who refuse to consider the environment. Once we got started on that I’d be a rant about Starbucks being a baaaad fast food chain that is less popular in cities like Portland where we know good coffee and beer and talk about how Starbucks spent a bazillion dollars in Seattle 15 years ago to make sure that the schools did not get a $.05 tax added to coffee in the city. You would be shocked, SHOCKED I tell you and vow never to buy a Starbucks again.

    I love you’re “if we were having a beer” series.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Wendy Brydge says:

    I can SO relate to the cold inside temp. 62 is about as warm as my house EVER gets in the winter! I’m so used to it now that I think I’ve turned cold-blooded… *checks for forked tongue or snake scales*

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Dan Antion says:

    My brother sent me this article describing what the inventor of the K-Cup thinks about his invention now. http://www.takepart.com/article/2015/03/03/creator-k-cup-regrets-inventing-them?cmpid=tpdaily-eml-2015-03-03

    Like

  26. Paul says:

    If we were having a beer, Dan, well … we probably wouldn’t be talking about coffee. But if we WERE for some reason, I’d tell you that I don’t like K-cup style coffee-makers either. Sure, it’s no good for the environment, but frankly, I flat out don’t care for the coffee you get out of it. A regular drip-brew pot is much better, both for the earth AND your taste buds, though my favorite method is a coffee press. I like strong, dark coffee (sweetened with agave, no cream), and I don’t like how you can’t really control the strength with K-cups. Plus the coffee isn’t nearly as fresh as when you grind the beans yourself. Do I sound high maintenance? Hey, it’s for a good cause — good coffee! Hmm, guess I don’t really need that beer to spill my guts about coffee.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Ah, the purest. I know people who grind the beans and make coffee in a press. Maybe when I retire, Paul. Maybe If I had that setup, we would be talking over coffee. K-Cups and like comparing beer in a can to beer on tap, there is just no way to do it. I have gone from coffee black with sugar, to black to coffee with cream. I can still drink it black, and would refer that to any non-dairy creamer, but a little milk suits me these days. Thanks for the comment. Maybe someday, I’ll do the grind/press thing, Maybe I’ll get to Baltimore and we can have that beer.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Ah yes, my husband and I also grind and press. Yum. We add fresh ginger, goat milk, and a bit of organic brown sugar. I need to make that NOW. Then we can meet over coffee!

      Liked by 2 people

  27. Glynis Jolly says:

    I really don’t like the taste of beer and it invariably gives me a headache. If I promise not to use a Keurig, is it alright if I have coffee instead?

    I don’t work outside the home anymore but when I did, I had a sweater that I kept in my office because the a/c was freezing cold in there. I understand it being slightly cooler than at home because of the normal activities that have you up and moving around during the workday. However, when I’m standing at the copier (a machine that has some of its own heat) waiting for the copies to print and my teeth are chattering, it’s definitely too cold.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      I can see you holding the copies, trying to extract their warmth Glynis. We have women in our office who sit wrapped in blankets. I know why the heat and cooling function so badly but I also know that there is no way the building owners can correct the situation.

      Like

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