I don’t know why Twitter decided to “notify” me that someone favorited a tweet of mine over 500 days ago but of course I had to look. I was writing about behaviors that should be banned. I had eight of them in 2013, I wonder if I have eight more today. Yeah, you know the answer, don’t you?
Let’s start with the thing I tweeted about today just after I arrived at work. It was Monday. A dark and stormy Monday (I know, but it was raining and it was dark) and the coffee machine was in pieces on the kitchen counter. Someone cleaned it. Nice, thank you, but you could have put it back together. I would much rather have a dirty but working coffee maker than a bunch of clean plastic and metal parts on the counter.
I soon discovered why the person I just yelled at didn’t put the coffee maker back together, I also discovered my second new law: things should be easy to take apart and clean. I’m guessing that the person who cleaned this contraption simply wasn’t able to get it back together. The pieces were easy enough to assemble into the tray/shelf/drain thingie, but it was pretty hard to get that assembly back into the coffee maker. It was like trying to add those generic lego-like blocks to your Lego™ project. Let’s just say it required a healthy “wunk” and leave it at that.
My semi-annual pet peeve in this category are fans and space heaters. When you share your house with two cats and a dog, those things have to be cleaned, because:
There is nothing worse than the first few seconds of a space heater warming up and burning off last season’s accumulated pet hair along with six months of dust.
Taking them apart, though, is a challenge. It seems that in addition to screws that are buried six inches into a slot and screws of a hitherto unknown head configuration (first time using hitherto), there’s always some section that “snaps” together about as well as those lego-like blocks. Hmm 348 words, I guess I should move on to item three.
Packaging – People should pack the stuff that I buy so I can enjoy it when it arrives. I don’t care if it’s a tool that’s being shipped halfway across the country or a donut that’s going back to my office. There is a right way and a wrong way to pack things. Regarding the Oreo Cheesecake Donut Square, the right way is with the frosting and the Oreo crumbles facing up.
Details included – In this day of buying and selling mainly on-line, it’s important to include all the relevant details in your product description. If you‘ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that my wife tends the fire in the wood stove. Sorry, “her wood stove.” For Christmas, I bought her a manual wood splitter. The promotional video showed a woman dressed all pretty and wearing jewelry, slipping a log into this thing and peeling off strips of kindling like slices of cheese. It seemed like a great idea. I bought it. My wife liked the concept. I mounted it.
It. Did. Not. Work.
I checked the instructions. I had done everything correctly, but this thing didn’t work. Then I noticed something at the bottom of the box. Under the packing material was an “Addendum to the Instructions” which explained that the maximum length log is 14”. 14”? Firewood is never 14”. Firewood is 18-20” and maybe, if you’re lucky and get “stove length” logs, 16” but never 14”.
Let people think – My dentist has been trying to get a replacement crown approved by my insurance for several months. It’s actually a much longer story, but this isn’t a rant against insurance – yet. Anyway, they won’t give you a new crown if the old one is less than five years old. I got my old one in 1978. The insurance company wanted to know “exactly when in 1978?” What? Why? Are there some days in 1978 that are within five years of any day in 2014? We had to make up a date because “the system requires an exact date.”
Wait on hold without music – Actually, one of the companies my wife deals with offers the option to remain on hold without music. Every company on Earth should offer that option.
News now – TV news should not be allowed to flash a couple of graphic pictures or say things like “there’s a big storm coming” and then end with “full story at eleven.” No, Give us the full story now, or shut up. Don’t make me go to the Internet.
My first eight new laws included one from the common kitchen at work, so it seems fair that I should include one here. That’s easy. I could probably find eight new laws in that little room. Today, I’m going to focus on the paper towels. If you use the last sheet, replace the roll. It’s really easy. The new rolls are in the cabinet above the sink.