Fast Pitches and Bad Music

For the love of beer

The perfect place and beverage to share some casual conversation.

When we were having a beer, you looked around the almost empty bar and asked me why I wasn’t sitting outside like everyone else. I told you that I had been working outside all day before coming to the bar and I wanted to sit where it was cool. Nodding in agreement, you added that the patio was packed with tables and that you prefer sitting at the bar.

It’s a fact, two guys will squeeze in next to each other at a crowded bar and strike up a conversation, but it feels awkward asking if you can join another guy at his table. Nobody wants to hear: “well, actually, I’m waiting for my wife.

I added that I also wanted to watch the NCAA women’s softball playoffs.

I know, did you see the girl from LSU? 68 miles per hour and she looked like she was going to tie herself in a knot during the wind-up.”

It’s scary. Not only is she throwing fast, but she’s on target.” If I tried to throw a ball like that, it would end up in the stands.”

I told you about the only time that I ever played any form of organized sports. In the summer of 1973, when Title IX was in its infancy, I pitched in a women’s softball league. I didn’t pitch like that women from LSU. No 68-mph-around-the-world-windup-underhand-lightening-strikes from me. But I did pitch. The league hired guys to pitch to both sides for $10 per game. I pitched and did the normal kind of fielding a pitcher does. You know, cover the bases if one of the basemen, sorry, basewomen was off chasing a ball and protecting myself snagging any line drives hit at my body parts.

They also hired guys to serve as umpires. I would have preferred being an umpire, but they had plenty of older men who wanted that gig. You had to be young and dumb to pitch to both sides for the full game.

What, no bullpen?

No bullpen. No closers. No one to get me out of a jam.”

Did the coaches come to the mound to yell at you?

They yelled from the dugout, but the catchers came out – a lot.”

Having noticed that a couple that we know had joined us at the bar, I carefully added that, at the time, it was kinda humiliating to have a “girl” come to the mound and snark:

You might want to visit the strike zone, I hear it’s nice this time of year!

You bought me a second beer. It was my turn, but you said it was because your glass of wine costs more than two of my beers. Apparently, you drink the good stuff. I tried to explain that we shouldn’t be doing math on this, that it’s more the act of buying a beer than the dollars and cents of it. You looked at me and said:

That kind of thinking could get you into trouble. Maybe next time I’ll order the MaCallan 18.”

As the bartender was drawing my Yuengling, we both noticed the that she was singing along with Free’sAll Right Now.” We looked at each other and then looked at her and we both said:

There’s no way you’re old enough to know that song. That was a hit when I was in high school.

She said that it’s on the playlist in the bar and she’s heard it so many times that she knows it now.

We agreed that it isn’t that hard to learn, I mean:

All right now, baby, it’s a-all right now.

All right now, baby, it’s a-all right now

Throw in a “baby-baby” here and there and you’re all set.

Gas Pump

That’s the speaker. If it was mounted any lower, I’d be tempted to rip the wires out.

Then you said:

Playlist. Everybody has a playlist these days. The Mobil station has a playlist

Sigh, gas station radio, The Amp Radio Network. They play that stuff so loud, you could hear it from the Shell station.”

You think they have awards?

Huh?

You know music awards, maybe the ‘Ampys’ or something, for the best gas station music.”

Jeeze, entertainers make fun of people who get Golden Globes, I can’t imagine anyone would want an Ampy.”

Suddenly, “Almost Like Being in Love” started playing. The woman of the couple next to us asked:

“What the heck is that?

Me: “It’s from Brigadoon.”

You: “That’s Gene Kelly singing.”

I didn’t come here for a 1940s history lesson. Can you make it stop.”

We both corrected her: ”50s

Huh?

Brigadoon, 1950s.”

The bartender explained that they were working on a new playlist and asked her “what kind of music would you like to hear?

How about WFNM, you know, ‘effing normal music? How can you put 80s hits, old-man-classic-rock and briga-freaking-dune on the same playlist?

Wine Rack

Your wine comes from that rack.

You pointed to the TV

Quick, watch this replay.”

What?

Watch that fastball, Seventy. Two. Miles. Per. Hour. And right down the middle. I don’t guess you’ll ever be pitching to women again.”

Bring him another glass of that expensive wine.”

Note: This post is almost a “Stream of Consciousness Saturday” post. I messed up the tense thing something awful so I had to edit. The SoCS prompt was almost.

About Dan Antion

Husband, father, woodworker, cyclist, photographer, geek - oh wait, I’m writing this like I only have 140 characters. I am all those things, and more, and all of these passions present me with opportunities to observe, and think about things that I can’t write about in other places. I have started this blog to catch the stuff that falls out, overflows and just plain doesn’t fit the other containers in my life.
This entry was posted in Humor, If having a beer, SoCS and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to Fast Pitches and Bad Music

  1. Great post. I like the way you make your posts conversational and engaging to the readers. Maybe certain sentences are beyond my level of understanding, but I still try and read, grasp whatever I can hold. The petrol pump picture in the middle (Oh! I mean the gas station picture) shows the rate as well. I know you’re focusing on the radio, but the image happened to trigger a question in my mind. The question is: Why most products/services (not all) in the United States have 99 cents to it? Like $49.99 or $149.99, why not just charge $50 or $150 instead.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dan, you started my weekend off with several chuckles. The way your mind spins, I’m surprised you can get a full night’s sleep without waking up to writing something down. Love this post and ‘for the love of beer.’ :-)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. marianallen says:

    Freakin’ FANTASTIC post! Loved every word. You pull me right into the setting, the characters, the relationships. Two thumbs up and a draft pint.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Marian, I really appreciate that. I am trying to explore those elements in the “if we were having a beer” posts, so that means a lot to me. I’ll drink that pint this afternoon :)

      Like

  4. LOL, great segue to the stream of consciousness prompt — I kept thinking that it seemed like one. Fun conversation. Happy Saturday. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Teagan. I had to confess that the post required too much editing to leave it as the stream flowed but it was fun to make the attempt. I see the train has pulled out of the station. I need to get over to your place next.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yeah, I hear your whining about edits, but this was absolutely fabulous. Please write more of this stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. loisajay says:

    I loved this post! The title is great, for one. Yes, I do drink the good stuff and oh, am I snarky! Free?! Oh, yeah! Singing it now. Dan, this was great and I haven’t even had breakfast yet. Gonna be a good day. Happy Saturday to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Lois. I’m sorry if that song is stuck in your head all day but this was my way of exorcizing it from mine. I thought it was time to mention the wine drinkers in the audience, I’ll gladly pay for the good stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This settles it. I’d like to sit next to you at a bar. Effortless. I enjoyed this post. And I agree wholeheartedly about female pitchers. So amazing. Just let me buy the dang beers, they’re right wine does cost more and it feels good to buy the drinks.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. cardamone5 says:

    I felt like I was there with you. Nice post.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Randall says:

    Great post. Makes me want to head to a bar for a beer and I don’t really care for bars

    Liked by 1 person

  10. bikerchick57 says:

    Old man classic rock? I don’t think the bartender understands good music. ;-)

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dan Hennessy says:

    1. Pitching in a girl’s game for 10 bucks ? No women pitchers ?
    2. Men umpiring a women’s game ? Does that balance off the rest of life where the women get the last call ?
    You’ve given me something to consider . At least you went for a beer later , Dan . All is well !

    Liked by 1 person

  12. loricarlson66 says:

    This is a great introduction to me for your writing style Dan, since I’ve just discovered you via Linda’s blog and prompt. I love the casualness of your writing and the conversations were perfect! I’ve connected to your blog and look forward to more of your words! Have a great weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. “You might want to visit the strike zone, I hear it’s nice this time of year!” Hahahahaa! Love it.
    I can see how easy it would be to get tenses mixed up on this post I’ll forgive you for editing it. ;)
    Thanks for keeping it part of SoCS, Dan. :) Very enjoyable read indeed. :D

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m upset because this post is not in my reader, and I’m happy because it was in my email. Thank goodness I’m subscribed!
    If we were having a beer, I’d be hoping my elusive Matilda is served at your bar. I’d tell you I don’t wanna drink my beer on a crowded patio in the heat, either. I’d rather talk about sports than be hot, thanks.
    My daughters are 11 & 12 and they know All Right Now because their mama and daddy are giving them a proper music education. They do not know Almost Like Being in Love, but Sassy thinks it sounds familiar, maybe from a movie. I haven’t had great luck with the kids and old films. Actually, I haven’t had good luck with The Mister and old films, either…
    That bar has an interesting playlist. I prefer my songs are related in some way. “Upbeat” “Angsty” “Sad Bastard Music” — you know, theme oriented.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Ha! I’ll tell them to dial in the “Sad Bastard” playlist. The reader has been failing me lately. I’ve been subscribing to more and more posts but then you get that outrageous number next to the inbox. Glad to see you’re educating those youngin’s well. The 1955 version of Brigadoon is the one with Gene Kelly. Sorry to say that the bar only has 9 beers on tap and two are crap. Thanks for stopping by, it’s always good to see that you were here.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. dweezer19 says:

    I got dizzy after you mentioned the Lady Tigers. (BR home girl here) then Yuengling, the hubby’s favorite brew. Great post Dan. Sounds like a great time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thank Cheryl. I didn’t think I’d pull too many people in with the softball portion, glad to see that you’re a fan. They only started shipping Yuengling here within the last 6 months. I grew up in PA so I was a happy boy when that happened.

      Like

  16. dweezer19 says:

    It’s a great beer! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Great post. Felt like I was sitting at the bar right beside yall overhearing your conversation.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. John Hric says:

    great post Dan. Though i prefer the stream of beer to the stream of consciousness. as for the paid to pitch ladies softball and bar play lists – you have the strangest flashbacks. i am glad you finally switched to beer. bartendress – something cold and wet for my friend here …. please.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. That was a fun post, I liked the comment about two gars chatting when at a bar counter, but weird it becomes to join someone at an empty table. It’s so very true, I guess joining someone at a table feels more intimate somehow, a bit more private.

    Now you’ve definitely got me wondering whether gas stations have awards for the best playlist! That’s the great things about streams of consciousness, you can bring forth all sorts of cool stuff if you let go :)

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Aunt Beulah says:

    Among other skills, you have a natural way with conversation. Your dialogues always sound believable.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Peter Nena says:

    I love the way you make the post conversation-like. And I like the woman’s response: “I didn’t come here for a 1940s history lesson. Can you make it stop.” Considering that she calls it a history lesson when the other guy is only trying to explain what is going on . . . I think it’s great. It’s like a dialogue in a fine novel. Abrupt, unpredictable, indirect. Also an interesting character–the woman.

    Liked by 1 person

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