Mindful of the pressures of the season, I decided to publish something less serious today. Something you can breeze through and move on. Maybe you can like, or nod your head or even add someone to the list. No names please, just categories of people who should receive coal or fruitcake for Christmas.
The people who follow me on Twitter only to offer me ways of increasing the number of followers I have in exchange for a small fee. I’m pretty sure that I could double the number of followers I have if I tweeted: “I want more followers and I’ll gladly pay to get them.”
The companies that have no holiday spirit yet jump on the bandwagon of Christmas and other wintertime holidays to sell me stuff. Included in this list is:
My cable company – you already get too much of my money and, you put the Military Channel and the Science Channel in an expensive Sports package
The company that wants to replace my cable company – for even more money, but which doesn’t offer service in our town
The phone company that wants to replace my phone company and my cable company – stop it!
The local hospital’s surgical center – ‘cuz nothing says Merry Christmas like having a surgical robot removing one of my organs. I drive by your LED billboard every day and I could use a break.
Pharmaceutical companies – no names, but all of them. I’d list the side effects I don’t want, but I don’t have enough words in my budget
Banks – Sorry Mr. Potter, I like my money where it is
Fast food restaurants – ‘cuz meat spun off of chicken necks, wings and backs in a centrifuge and then smushed together into a patty will remind me of Christmas at grandma’s. OK, I admit that would be a step up from one of my grandmothers, but that’s a story for another day.
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Car dealers. Granted, if you walk into a car dealer this week, you will likely find a shabby Santa giving away candy canes, lukewarm coffee and stale QuikieMart cookies, but they aren’t really in the spirit of the season. Car dealers will have a sale for any holiday. If you are too busy to buy a car this week, next week will be the New Year’s sale, then the MLK sale, then the Super bowl, Valentine’s Day and Presidents multi-week extravaganza. Then they will turn green for St. Pats and…when’s Easter this year?
Mattress stores. These are just like car dealers, except their products don’t have wheels and an engine. Otherwise, it would be hard to tell whose ad you are reading. Someday, they are going to merge – “Every truck sold comes with a free mattress” and “Buy a mattress today and drive it home in a free truck.”
Credit card companies, rent-to-own businesses and payday loan companies that prey on the people who can’t afford the kind of Christmas all the other companies keep telling them they have to have if they ever hope to get married, have kids or have their family member love them. It’s not about stuff!
Network executives who put the “ass” in “classic.” You know, the ones who thought remaking Dr. Seuss stories using real people and sarcastic preppy kids using big-people words was a good idea. Give me the animated Grinch any day over that awful remake. While you’re at it Santa,
throw some coal at put some coal into the stocking of, no, I was right the first time, throw some coal at the people who remade “Miracle on 34th Street.”
People with agendas that use holiday parties, holiday headlines, holiday football games and family gatherings as their platform of choice. They had truces during major wars at Christmas time, don’t you think we could suspend next November’s election for 24 hours?
OK, I promised a quick read, so I’ll wrap this up. Whose abuse of the holidays bothers you?
http://siarchives.si.edu/blog/december-across-smithsonian-collections Images are part of the Smithsonian Archive and as near as I can figure, I am in compliance with their fair-use requirements.