Resolutions?

For the love of beer

The perfect place and beverage to share some casual conversation.

If we were having a beer, you would waste very little time getting to the subject on your mind.

“Cheryl, please pour me some wine and, unless he has resolved to give up alcohol, a Yuengling for my young friend.”

“You know I don’t make New Year’s resolutions.”

“I know, you’re trying to avoid the disappointment they ultimately lead to. Am I right?”

“No. I just don’t see the point of making resolutions on January 1st. If you want to change something or do something, you should just start on whatever day you realize that desire.”

“That’s some pretty deep thinking. Sounds like the Wizard gave someone a brain for Christmas.”

“Why do they show that movie at Christmas?”

“It’s a holiday classic. You don’t like being compared to the scarecrow?”

“He didn’t exactly sound like he had a brain.”

“He said ‘Isosceles triangle instead of Right triangle, we can give him that, I mean, he still is a scarecrow.”

“Not to be picky, but he also said ‘any two sides’ when it has to be the two short sides, and he refers to the ‘sum of the square roots’… it’s the sum of the squares. But you’re right, pretty good for ‘bovine fodder.’ ”

pythagorean theorem

“Sum of the Squares” That works. “Sum of square roots” Not so much.

“Maybe you should resolve to be more tolerant of others’ mistakes in 2016.”

“Now you’re making my point.”

“I don’t follow.”

“I decided last fall that I was going to stop letting certain things bother me. I guess you could call that my way of being more tolerant.”

“What kind of things?”

“All kinds of things, like when I’m stuck behind a school bus.”

“Oh, because they stop every 150 feet and you can remember when we were kids and we had to walk a quarter-mile to the bus stop.”

“Exactly.”

“That bothers me. Why change?”

“Well. I watched a little girl getting off a school bus, she was so small, I didn’t want to see her schlepping her little backpack along the side of the road.”

“Softy.”

“Maybe, but people drive like idiots, which is something else I’m trying to not let bother me.”

“They do. I hate the people who block intersections and end up causing everyone traveling in the other direction to have to wait.”

“Yeah, those guys still kinda get on my nerves. I was thinking more about the people who just have to be ahead of me, even though we’re both stuck on a crowded highway, or the old people who crawl through neighborhoods at 20 mph.”

“What about the people who drive to the end of the median and then cut into line on the off-ramp.”

“They still bother me a little.”

“What about the guys who throw cigarette butts out the window only to have them bounce at your car?”

“Oh, they still bother me!.”

“Maybe we should get off the highway. Where else are you trying to be more tolerant?”

“Shopping. Lots of stores do things that drive me crazy. I’m trying to not let it get to me.”

“The stores or the people in the stores?”

“The stores. Like Target. They keep moving stuff around. It’s as if I’m going to walk down the cracker aisle by mistake and buy a bunch of crackers.”

Not sure which ones are express

Not sure which ones are express

“I know, that store is never the same, and does it seem like they only have three cashiers that they spread randomly around 18 registers?”

“Yeah, that bothers me too.”

“Another thing Target does is that they stop carrying stuff that I regularly buy.”

“Yes! They stopped carrying miniature Heath Bars – why would they stop selling Heath Bars?”

“But, you’re not letting any of that bother you…’cuz you’re being more tolerant…”

“I said I was trying.”

“You also said it’s just the stores. So, it doesn’t bother you when a woman pushes her cart ahead of you and unloads 25 items in the express lane?”

“No, that still bothers me a bit.”

“So, maybe, for 2016, you could resolve to actually be more tolerant, you know, instead of just saying it.”

“Look, I’m trying. My point is that I started in October, not January.”

“Let’s get another opinion. Cheryl, this guy has resolved to not let things bother him in 2016. What things bother you?”

“Two guys sitting at the bar all afternoon nursing one beer and one glass of wine, for starters.”

“Maybe I should buy another round.”

“That works.”

Happy New Year from everyone at the bar!

About Dan Antion

Husband, father, woodworker, cyclist, photographer, geek - oh wait, I’m writing this like I only have 140 characters. I am all those things, and more, and all of these passions present me with opportunities to observe, and think about things that I can’t write about in other places. I have started this blog to catch the stuff that falls out, overflows and just plain doesn’t fit the other containers in my life.
This entry was posted in Humor, If having a beer, Shopping and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

83 Responses to Resolutions?

  1. GP Cox says:

    One for me too, Dan?
    My NY’s resolution is to make it to 2017 !!! :wink:

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Charlie says:

    I’ll have to have a beer too, so I can ponder the reasons I don’t do New Year Resolution either.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. marianallen says:

    When Mom used to shop with me, if I got into the 15-item express with 16 items, she would say, “Can you not read, or not count?” The Jay-C Store has changed their signs to read, “Express lane for about 15 items or less.” Let us now bow to reality.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Of all the ones you list, the top one for me is realizing that your only way to move on with your day is to stand in a line at one of those three checkouts because the other fifteen aren’t manned. After I stood for 20 plus minutes one day last fall, I stopped and talked to the management rep at the registers. She informed me that staffing is determined by corporate based upon stats three months in advance. Interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Loved this Dan. i am bothered by all of these things. I’m going to stay home more and not be tempted to engage in the new Texas open carry law. I could just see me react to some shlep dropping trash on the beach (there’s another).

    Liked by 2 people

  6. morgaine620 says:

    Could I please have a cider? And I try to be more tolerant too…. Someday ;-)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. AmyRose🌹 says:

    I’m with Cheryl. I don’t do New Years Resolutions either. When the time comes for change, I do it. Hmmmm … Am I being a hypocrite here after just publishing the post I did that talks about change? Darn, I didn’t see that coming! I don’t look at the date and think, “Oh, it’s New Years so now I have to make some changes.” My changes just coincided with News Years this year. LOL Did you follow me, Dan? LOL I’m laughing as I write this!! Happy News Year, my friend! May all the best of Life be ours this year! God knows, I would certainly appreciate it!! ;) Love, Amy <3

    Liked by 1 person

  8. kingmidget says:

    Completely agree with the nonsense about waiting until New Year’s Day to make “resolutions.”

    Liked by 2 people

  9. bikerchick57 says:

    Just like patience, tolerance is a difficult one for us humans. I tell myself all the time to be patient and tolerant and I would say that I am those things more often than not. However, all it takes is one idiot/maniac driver (tm George Carlin) or the person in front of me at the Panera drive-thru ordering for a family of 12 and I lose both.

    The only resolution I’ve made is to get back to healthy eating and regular gym visits. I am finally tiring of laying around, eating carrot cake, and drinking wine…sort of. Ask me about this in another two weeks. :-p

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dan Antion says:

      Mmmmmmm, caaaaaaarrot caaaaaake. I mean “that’s a great idea Mary” Yeah, the drive through family orders do bug me. I usually go inside. I tell myself it’s good for the environment.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Wine AND carrot cake? same time? I wouldn’t know what wine to put with carrot cake….
      And I am totally with you on the driving thang. Potty mouth at the one’s on my tail (I take it personally, its my tail and they need to back off), pissed off (though not like the drivers that are actually driving angrily to kill someone.) I also have to be very careful and tolerant of my husband, who never became a Lalaland driver, and so he is so polite when people cut him off or are about to slip in front of him in a long line. Folks from Los Angeles are just a step behind New Yorkers in wanting to fight for their rightful spot.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Deborah says:

    The Wizard of Oz is one of my favorites. I like to think the scarecrow’s knowledge was more about common sense and intuition than about book smarts. Seeing things from a perspective not always clouded by emotion and all that other stuff that often gets in my way. ;-)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      I think he was smarter before the diploma. I guess that was kinda the point. I like the movie, I just never understood how it became s holiday staple.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Deborah says:

        Right, diplomas don’t instill knowledge. They just send a stupid message to others that you jumped through a bunch of hoops. ;-)

        As for the holiday staple, I suspect it’s just that it’s a nostalgia thing that they snuck in there. I find other times to watch it. Or, in a real stretch, “there’s no place like home,” and there’s a move to get everyone “home” for the holidays. Hey, I said it was a stretch. ;-)

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Happy New Year to you and yours too, Dan. Here’s to another year of beer, doors, and fun. Hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Teagan. And maybe a serial??? Sorry I’m being selfish.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dan I encourage you to write this serial of which you speak. Oh wait a minute. You mean me??? ;)
        I’m actually kicking around an idea for a serial as a means of helping me finish the 2014 novel that basically derailed. BUT… I have a very unique character in it, that I’m particularly fond of. Because of a couple of things that have happened, I’m protective of this character… Trying to figure out how I can protect him with some legalities. Due to my employer, I don’t have all the options of a private citizen… Sorry — thinking out loud with my typing fingers. Here’s to 2016!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. I don’t usually make resolutions other than my weekly resolution to pleeze get in shape. Last night Mitchell said something that I heard as he could do yoga and have it benefit me, and for a split second I had this gleeful New Age thought like a child on Christmas Eve that perhaps my yogi husband had figured out a way to do yoga FOR ME. Then I howled for a long time laughing my ass off and he had to be patient to hear what I was laughing at.

    However, this year I am also 60 (goddess that is hard to say) and decided that I had another 30 years if family genes and my resolution to finally get back into shape pan out. I did make a NYE resolution, though it may be a coincidence.

    I am through being pulled off my goals by stupid people. Seriously, they are time consumers. Also, other than a few people I love who can bore the shit out of me but it doesn’t matter cuz i love them, and this is NOT my husband, except when he forgets I am not a history nut and decides to read me some crazy detailed thang about some person in the 17th century in Italy, and then I remind myself it is just the two of us and so be patient and listen unless it goes on for more than ten minutes — he listens to me yak on about paint — then I ask him if there will be a test to gently remind him that he turned off the music just to read this insanity and he gets it as long married folks do and nobody gets their feelings in a fluff, I have resolved to have zero patience for time wasters. I will only read those blogs I truly enjoy and not read blogs simply because they read mine (Dan you made the cut). I will not be pulled into family dramas where I know the outcome is always the same and they don’t want my sage advice (seriously, I have sage advice). I will not do favors for our building landlady any more because she has stopped doing favors for me and this is a tit-for-tat relationship, NOT a friendship.

    Hey I think I need to post this on my zennie blog. Happy New Year’s Dan and followers, still one of my favorite places to have an early breakfast ready. MUCH better than the news, which also got cut as the politicians don’t listen to my sage advice either.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Wow Kate…where to start. If you ever figure out how to have your husband do yoga for you, please let us know. My wife does yoga, but I think she only does it for herself. You are correct about time wasters. I have to watch for those too in 2016.

      I am glad to see that I made the cut. I will try to maintain that edge over the competition. Perhaps I shouldn’t reveal my interest in history ;)

      Like

  13. No New Year’s Resolutions from me either, but I do have some goals that I set last year that will continue on into this year. Lose the 8 pounds that I’ve gained over the last 3 years, and get the garage cleaned out are the two tops goals that I’m struggling with, and find my Bridge Camera. I put it somewhere “safe”, more than a month ago rather than just putting it away where it belongs, but now can’t find it. Don’t you just hate that! Sigh.

    Idiot drivers. The person that speeds up to get in front of me just to be one car ahead- yeah,I don’t have a lot of tolerance for that person. I do love it when the light changes and they have to stop just in front of me and wait for it to change. :) Karma!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      I am currently waiting for my camera to be repaired and I am reminded of all the reasons I bought it in the first place. I can’t wait to get it back. I manage to keep the garage pretty clean, but it only takes one day of scraping frost off the cars to provide the incentive necessary for that one. Getting my workshop into a functional winter mode is another thing. It has to be clean before I dare try to heat it.

      Here’s to the goals that matter. Good luck finding your camera.

      Like

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  15. John Hric says:

    I have decided to not let pedantic considerations interfere with warped humor. it is not wining if one is enjoying beer. and the ludicrous cheese joke is not allowed unless Cheryl gives it the nod. while she is pouring another round. and with that i have decided to minimize excess decisions this early into a new cycle. we can ponder the auspicious timing of next said decision (resolution has too many syllables for January) during round three. let us talk of happier things.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Jill's Scene says:

    But Dan, if you were too chilled you might stop noticing stuff and then who would remind me of the difference between a right and an isosceles triangle? Nevertheless, Happy resolution free New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. joey says:

    I can’t believe you did that math. LOL
    Would you like it if I wrote a post about the layers of symbolism between Christmas and The Wizard of Oz? I could, just not in January.
    That bit about the cracker aisle cracked me up! You know that’s an actual thing, right? Like a marketing technique? You develop a kind of muscle memory/orientation when you shop at the same place for a long time. You realize this when you go to the same grocery, coffee shop, department store and then you find yourself in one that’s not the same layout. So yes, plenty of people DO buy crackers when they thought they were headed down the cereal aisle for their standard purchase. But I agree, it’s annoying. Also annoying when you don’t know where they’ve put your standard purchase.
    Thank you for bringing up the bus stop issue, although I’m on the opposite end. My kids walk just a skosh over an eighth of a mile, and that eighth is the limit for elementary school kids. When transportation tried to get them to walk another 500 feet beyond that (still with no sidewalks on the side of a major thoroughfare) we pointed that out. For Sassy and I, it’s no big deal. For Moo, it’s a harrowing journey. She’s a blip most drivers wouldn’t even see.
    On Army bases, it was a stop every block. Safer by far. But yeah, we all walked to school. If they put a pedestrian bridge over that thoroughfare, I’d walk Moo, too. When they are older and together, we can walk to the high school.
    Hope this long comment is okay :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      OK? Ok? I love your comments! I would also love to read that post on the Wiz. Just to let you know, I have a geometry post coming that (I think) was inspired by a comment on your blog but I’d never point it out cause I don’t want to pick on the commenter. So, feel free to go all Englishy. I don’t blame you for pointing out the danger. It’s not the kids, it’s the drivers. As for the marketing, I do know it’s a thing but I don’t like it. I don’t like bring manipulated.

      Like

  18. reocochran says:

    Okay, I get this idea about changes and resolutions, Dan. The idea of a new year being a “clean slate” to me makes sense but individuals could make decisions anytime of day or part of the year.
    I was chuckling about tolerance of everyday annoyances! :D
    Our church and I have seen one fellow blogger come up with the idea of a single word guiding your life. I chose “Fullness” last year and “Openness” for 2016. My daughter’s friend after a year of endless “bad” men choices decided, “Selectiveness” suits her. I am not sure if Felicia came up with hers! :) The fellow blogger chose living a “Radiant” year. Well, hoping you have a wonderful new year, (I am sure we have expressed this before.)

    Liked by 1 person

  19. jan says:

    Being more tolerant definitely takes patience but I do think it’s the only way to acquire peace of mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Val Boyko says:

    Love this conversation .. and the post! Happy New Year in your own way Dan

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Glynis Jolly says:

    After watching The Wizard of Oz every year while growing up and watching my son and stepdaughter grow up, I can proclaim that I’m ‘Ozed’ out of my gourd.

    Learning to let things be is a difficult lesson. Picking your battles is an art, one I’m still perfecting. I have to remind myself to ask myself, “Is it really going to make a difference tomorrow?” If not, it shouldn’t be worth my effort to get agitated about.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. dweezer19 says:

    You got me pegged Dan. At a dollar a round a gurl ain’t gettin’ rich on tips here! Lol
    I hope my husband has the same resolution as you do. You see, as an “A” type person he sees and is affected by EVERYthing around him. He is the stimulous king. Now, I admit I see (and unfortunately also feel) everything around me too. The difference is he really lets it get to him. I can mumble, try to imagine myself in someone else’s shies or realize I’m not taking the screaming child being ignored by its mother home with, and move on. The really interesting thing is that all of his complaining doesn’t seem to bother him, but more the people close to him. To him, it’s cathartic, like me writing or drawing. I just hate to spend our precious moments together trying to keep unbunchung his boxers to avoid a parking lot war you know? But, hey, when those people who apparently are having a frozen cauliflower attack need immediate satidfaction say, “Excuse me ‘just a sec’ ” as the shove a chubby arm right across my head to grab what they want instead of waiting patientky the way I did while Mrs. Wore Her Jammie Pants to Shop asks all four of her children to decide between tater tots and crinkle fries for dinner, well that’s when I give him the look and my own cork gets popped. Lol
    Oh, and I agree totally about resolutions. I’m making them all year long myself. Top of the list? Bug the owner to put deviled eggs bavk in the menu! Cheers to a New, less stressful New Year. Now, how about that other round?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Cheryl. Don’t worry about that tip, we’ve got you covered. We know a good thing when we have one. I love your description of grocery shopping. I think my blood pressure is up a few points over the tater tots. The tolerance is definitely for my benefit. It’s like forgiveness, it benefits the giver more that the receiver. They are changing the menu at the bar. The owner wants it to be a “bit more upscale”. I’m not optimistic.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. dweezer19 says:

    PS. Sorry about all the typos. Getting ready for work and using the ipad does not make for literary excellence. Have a great day everyone!

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. dweezer19 says:

    They can never leave a good thing alone can they Dan? 😉
    I keep telling my husband that he’d be a lot happier if he was less agitated. He keeps saying he’s fine with it but would be a lot happier if people weren’t so stupid. The wall has a real dent where I keep banging my head……

    Liked by 1 person

  26. dweezer19 says:

    Of course he is…😀

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Wendy Brydge says:

    I think every year, everyone should just resolve to be a little nicer, whether it’s in an external manner, or simply an internal feeling. You can’t go wrong with that: There’s always room for improvement, but even the smallest success feels like a big deal. The perfect resolution. Happy New Year, Dan!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Paul says:

    Speaking of store layout and practices, here’s another question: Why do they have so many registers they never use? Whether it’s Target or the supermarket or some other chain, they’ll have, say, three cashiers and 15 registers. I can understand why they wouldn’t have them fully staffed on a regular basis, but I NEVER see them in use. Yet they built them, so they presumably anticipate using them for SOMETHING. If not, why build them?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Maybe they know something we don’t Paul. I went to Target during the height of the holiday gorging fest and they might have had six registers open. Maybe they’re getting ready for the run on the store before the meteorite hits (but they don’t stock that much bread, milk and water).

      Liked by 1 person

  29. dweezer19 says:

    To impress everyone at the Grand Opening of the store!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Good one. To be honest, for first 20 years of my life I never knew what this New Year resolutions meant. Later, I realized okay these are just temporary false promises that people make to themselves to keep their ego happy and few weeks later they’re back at where they started. I did make few resolutions and I stuck to it religiously, although I couldn’t complete the task, but I finished it 75% of it which is good as per my standards considering that many can’t even complete 10% of what they promise. This year I have certain things in my mind to accomplish, but I am more focused towards completing the goal rather than just rambling all the time that I have a goal.

    Liked by 2 people

  31. dweezer19 says:

    Well to be honest I have the same ambivolence about Lent and I’m not even Catholic. But growing up hearing my friends tlak about not being able to drink soda or not eating a candy bar because they gave it up for lent. It seemed very contrived and shallow. As adults, one of these friends and I(she is no longer a practicing Catholic but still considers Lent at Easter) were talking about and she has found a new thought about it in that she tries to change some habit, or give up some negative thought pattern , or do something selfless for another person as a way to observe Lent. I think that New Years resolutions, much like Lent, were originally contrived as a means to recognize a new beginning, a fresh start, and a way to move forward in a more positive way. As always happens though, media hype and publicity puts a bad taste in our mouths and shallow intentions to often take the place of an earnest desire for change.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      I think the big benefactor of the resolution craze is the gyms that sell people year-long memberships, knowing that most will stop coming after a few weeks. I wrote about Lent last year, where I try to “give up” having people do things for me. It starts slow but then gradually works into my daily routine. It tends to linger a bit beyond Easter, but…

      Like

  32. dweezer19 says:

    Most of us are doing the best that we can….

    Liked by 1 person

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