I’m not sure what dungeon mistress Linda G. Hill had in mind for us guys when she scribbled:
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: ‘contraction.’ ”
I’m not even sure what she had in mind for most women, herself included when she tacked on the “have fun” directive. “Fun” and “contraction” don’t seem to go together unless you’re talk’n ‘bout the couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t kinda contraction ‘cuz the other kind ain’t no fun…as far as I remember.
Actually, I remember pretty well. I was in the room after they wired my wife up to a monitor while we were waiting for our daughter to get out of bed, put on her makeup and begin the journey out of the womb. All of a sudden, my wife doubled up in the bed. The obstetrics intern calmly looked at the monitor and said: “oh, that was just a little one.” If looks could kill, there’d be one less obstetrician today.
Back to the other kinda contraction, they were banned by my best friend when I worked for him. I have to be specific, because we worked together in ‘most every possible way. We worked for the same boss, I worked for him, he worked for me, he was a customer of mine when I had my cabinet shop, I was a consultant to the firm we had worked for, and he was a consultant for the company I work for. So, like I said, when I worked for him, when he was callin’ the shots, as it were, I wasn’t allowed to use contractions in written communication. He said they were invented for speech and not for the written word. Wikepedia, my go-to source for all things grammatical, kinda-sorta agrees with him.
He also wouldn’t let me use “it” in written communication. He said “it’s never really clear what ‘it’ is referring to.” He probably didn’t actually say “it’s” but that’s what I remember. I think he was wrong. It was often blatantly clear what it meant when I used it in a sentence.
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: ‘contraction.’ Make the first word of your post a contraction. For extra points make the last word one too. Have fun!”
Apparently, I jumped to conclusions when I saw the word “contraction” in Linda’s prompt. I started writing before finishin’ and now, as I look back, I realize that she clearly meant the grammatical kind of contraction, not the child birth kind. But, you know, SoCS and all, I can’t go back’n fix this mess that I’ve written. We’ll just have to carry on. Fortunately, I get some bonus points ‘cuz I did start with a contraction. Now all I have to do is guide the voices in my head so I end with one.
I have to say, I’m enjoying playing fast’n loose with grammar, punctuation and, well English. I’m not sure all of these things are actual contractions, kinda like the way that wanna-be doctor didn’t think my wife’s was, but I’m leavin’ them in here. The ‘n instead of “and” is taken from Eat’n Park, the Pittsburgh version of the “Home of the Big Boy” restaurant chain. Here in Connecticut, the Big Boy franchise was Abdow’s. Abdow’s will never be Eat’n Park, but it is special memory because I gave my wife an Abdow’s Big Boy ring for an engagement ring. I didn’t have any money at the time. Maybe that’s why our daughter likes Eat’n Park so much.
I’m still getting flack for being so long-winded on my One-liner Wednesday post. I could go on forever about babies, and labor and double-decker cheeseburgers, but in deference to my readers, and in order to get the rest of those bonus points, I won’t.