“No, the restrooms are at the end of this car. The next car is the cafe car. Please don’t get them confused.”
On Sunday, I accompanied our daughter to B&H Photo in New York City. She would normally drive to New Haven and take the more frequent and less expensive train service offered by Metro North, the commuter railroad in Connecticut and New York. I, on the other hand, prefer AMTRAK, which we can board in Hartford. I pointed out that Penn Station (where AMTRAK stops in NYC) is much closer to B&H than Grand Central Terminal, where Metro North stops. Penn Station is also only one block from The Molly Wee Pub. Impeccable logic. On the way down, I picked up two one-liners. I couldn’t decide which to use, so…
The opening quip was the Conductor’s response to a woman’s question: “Are the restrooms in the next car?”
The second one-liner, a bonus if you like, was heard at every station stop that was also serviced by Metro North:
“This is AMTRAK train 143 to Washington, DC, with stops in New Rochelle and Penn Station. This is an Amtrak train. This is NOT a Metro North train. This train doesn’t make Metro North station stops, it doesn’t go to Grand Central and it doesn’t accept Metro North tickets. This is an AMTRAK train. If your ticket is orange and blue and the size of a credit card, you are on the wrong train and you need to get off or you will be charged for an AMTRAK ticket. For all of you on the right train, welcome aboard!”
You would think that the big blue AMTRAK logo next to the door would be enough of a hint, but we did see people get off our train after this announcement.
This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun little weekly series: One-Liner Wednesday. You can join Linda on any given Wednesday. You may not want to use me as an example though, I seem to struggle with the “one-liner” part of this prompt.