One-Liner Wednesday – Twofer

No, the restrooms are at the end of this car. The next car is the cafe car. Please don’t get them confused.”

High crane
When we were on the High Line last July, these buildings were much shorter.

On Sunday, I accompanied our daughter to B&H Photo in New York City. She would normally drive to New Haven and take the more frequent and less expensive train service offered by Metro North, the commuter railroad in Connecticut and New York. I, on the other hand, prefer AMTRAK, which we can board in Hartford. I pointed out that Penn Station (where AMTRAK stops in NYC) is much closer to B&H than Grand Central Terminal, where Metro North stops. Penn Station is also only one block from The Molly Wee Pub. Impeccable logic. On the way down, I picked up two one-liners. I couldn’t decide which to use, so…

The opening quip was the Conductor’s response to a woman’s question: “Are the restrooms in the next car?

The second one-liner, a bonus if you like, was heard at every station stop that was also serviced by Metro North:

This is AMTRAK train 143 to Washington, DC, with stops in New Rochelle and Penn Station. This is an Amtrak train. This is NOT a Metro North train. This train doesn’t make Metro North station stops, it doesn’t go to Grand Central and it doesn’t accept Metro North tickets. This is an AMTRAK train. If your ticket is orange and blue and the size of a credit card, you are on the wrong train and you need to get off or you will be charged for an AMTRAK ticket. For all of you on the right train, welcome aboard!

You would think that the big blue AMTRAK logo next to the door would be enough of a hint, but we did see people get off our train after this announcement.

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun little weekly series: One-Liner Wednesday. You can join Linda on any given Wednesday. You may not want to use me as an example though, I seem to struggle with the “one-liner” part of this prompt.

One Liner Wednesday

49 thoughts on “One-Liner Wednesday – Twofer

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  1. I like the repeated message about AMTRAK versus the Metro North. For me, early morning commutes would include my own repetitive on-line so I would not mistake trains. (Lol) and I am now at an age, I ask where the closest bathroom is, almost everywhere I go! :) I like cranes and ironically have twice tried to capture them on recent trips. They are so bright and “cheerful!” Have a happy mid-week day, Dan!

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  2. So I get excited with your opening line about Faith’s trip to B&H and think I’m going to hear about some cool photographic gear or new photo/video toys, and all I get with my first cup of coffee are a bunch of cranes (which I can share with little Bobby) and learn about people in Connecticut who can’t figure out the difference between AMTRAK and Metro North trains? Hope Faith writes about the trip from a different perspective. :-)

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    1. I hope she does too, Bob. She was replacing a camera that was destroyed during a fall while hiking. That is clearly her story to tell. I will steal a little of her thunder, she wasn’t hurt. You have to know me by now. When it comes to cranes, I’m right there with your grandson :)

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    1. Thanks John. Apparently the odds were something like 1-in-50. At each station where they made this announcement, people got on and then got back off. I’m sure there’s a good bar near Grand Central Terminal, but I’ve been going to the Molly Wee for almost 20 years.

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    1. Sorry to start you off (again) wanting a beer (there could be worse things), Judy. I’ll see if I can get Faith to tell the photography story. As for draft beer, The Molly Wee has Brooklyn Lager on tap. It’s also the first place I ever had that beer.

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  3. There seems to be quite a bit of confusion between the train and metro and location of the restrooms. Evidently, signs and colors confuse people.

    I laughed at the photos of the cranes, Dan. You are a crane nerd (I say that in a very kind, respectful way). I would have hoped for photos of beer and beer. Maybe next time, okay?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Mary. I was trying to avoid a collision with Faith, in case she decides to blog about this experience. I may rope her into some sort of combined effort. And, yes, I am a crane nerd.

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  4. First things first: where are the restrooms? Why is that?! B&H! My husband orders so many things from them. He says you cannot beat their prices or their service. He would LOVE to go to the actual store.

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    1. The funny thing, Lois. The woman was standing under a sign that said: “Restrooms – This End” I guess she thought you had to exit the car to get to them. It’s very hard to get through B&H without spending some money and wanting to spend a whole bunch more money.

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  5. Even though I can navigate my way around London’s Tube, Paris’ Metro, and now New York on the Subway I would probably be one those that would be exiting the train after that announcement.

    Isn’t it amazing how many tall cranes are in NYC and how much work is going on there!

    We walked the Highline and enjoyed it immensely. We even had lunch there. I’ll have to check out Faith’s images.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It may take her a while to upload her photos, Deborah, but here’s a link to her photos from last year’s visit – https://flic.kr/s/aHskc1JExr – There’s always something going up in that city, but there’s so much activity over by that west side rail yard. If you can handle the subway, I think you could handle the difference between Metro North and Amtrak – the cars look nothing alike.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Heh. Well it must happen often enough to have to give such a speech before departure, hm? I’m good at reading signs. Signs are good. I do tend to find trouble and aggravation without signs. Anywhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There are lots of signs, and there are announcements on the platform like “The train approaching on Track 6 is the Washington, DC bound, AMTRAK 143” Plus the sign, plus the total difference in appearance of the cars. But, some people are staring at their phone, wearing headphones and mindlessly stepping on board.

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  7. I have only been in and out of NYC by train a few times but I have always managed to get on the right train. My husband takes either the NJ Transit or Amtrak into Penn at least a few times a week and, while he has also never boarded the wrong train, has like you observed a good few people going completely wrong. I can understand why people might go wrong though because that station is a complete and utter warren with no logic in its layout. A moment of inattentiveness could definitely have you going awry.

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    1. Penn Station is a major nightmare. When we got off the train, we landed on that odd level where, unless you’re familiar with the station layout, you have a 50/50 chance of ending up in ghe wrong place.

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  8. Your photos today are giving me that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, Dan. I’m the kind of person who HATES heights but can still function when placed in a situation involving them. Very thankful that I don’t panic and freeze because so many things require climbing up onto things I’d rather not climb onto. So if I need to scurry up a ladder to fix something, I can and I will. But that being said, I still HATE heights, HATE ’em, and photos of cranes and crazy-tall buildings make me gulp! O_O

    P.S. That’s such a cool effect in the one pic — it really DOES look like a toy. If you hadn’t pre-emptively told us it was actual size, I’d have thought otherwise!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Wendy. Sorry about the heights. I didn’t realize the “toy crane” picture looked that way until I got home. I think it’s the giant display (that looks like a TV set) that helps crest the illusion.

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  9. Ooh! I love the second one-liner:) I suppose they had loads of people who had a purchase another ticket. Here’s something silly: I once went into a bank, joined the long line, waited patiently, only to realize that I was in the wrong bank as I approached the Teller. Hmmm…absentminded me could have been on that AMTRAK :)
    Nice photos!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Love the Amtrak announcement….doing the Metro and Amtrak southern california commute from San Diego to LA for years….you cannot mistaken the two….the difference is not slight, so you would have to be comatose to hit the wrong one….but your metro might be a nicer train than the LA ones…Love B&H….I would single handily revive the economy whenever I would go to the mother ship when I was in New York…so much more fun than the catalogue…but not complaining about that either!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We have been adding some new cars on Metro North, but there’s no mistaking either vintage for an AMTRAK car, Kirt. The B&H store certainly is an experience and certainly has the ability to loosen the cash and cards in your wallet. Thanks for the comment.

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  11. People are weird.
    I was told of an interview for new Kenya Airways pilots. It was a written interview, and somewhere on the first page in small fonts was this instruction: “Do not write anything on this paper.”
    But when the supervisor announced “Start!” almost everyone began writing. I heard that only three people passed that paper.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s funny. I had a interview/test like that where they put an old style kitchen timer on the desk with the paper. I moved it to the floor. My boss said the test was to see how you dealt with stress and the timer was simply to make you nervous. I passed because I ignored it.

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