I Don’t Have OCD

If we were having a beer, you’d start picking on me about some habits

“It occurs to me that I bought your beer last week, and the week before.”

“Thanks. You’re a nice guy.”

“That’s not my point. I think it’s your turn to buy.”

“Fair enough. Cheryl, I’ll have a Yuengling please.”

“What about him?”

“Yeah, what about me?”

“Probably a glass of Meiomi.”

“Not today. Today, I’ll have Woodford Reserve on the rocks.”

“Because you’re on my tab.”

“That’s true, but I did buy your beers two weeks in a row.”

“Yes, but as you once pointed out, two beers cost less than your wine, far less than that bourbon”

“Which you said didn’t matter…”

“Enough already. You two sound like an old married couple. Here’s your beer and here’s your bourbon.”

“Here’s to change.”

“Said the man drinking yet another Yuengling.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that I’ve never seen you order anything else.”

“I’ve ordered lots of other beers.”

“That’s true, when the Yuengling tap kicked, he had Sam Adams, Boston Lager.”

“When the tap kicks.”

“I’ve also seen him order Corona.”

“I don’t recall him ever ordering Corona”

“He orders it when he’s not feeling well. He calls it his ‘light beer’ “

“He, and him are sitting right here…just sayin.”

“Does he see a pattern forming? Yuengling most days. Sam Adams if there’s no Yuengling. Corona if you’re not feeling well.”

“So, I’m predictable. What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s called OCD.”

“I don’t think preferring one beer over another, raises to the level of a mental disorder.”

“It’s not just the beers, you’re predictable in most things.”

“A, I’m not sure that’s true, and B, how would you know? I don’t do most things at this bar.”

“That’s a good thing; we run a class act here. You boys want any food today?”

“I’m going to take…”

“…some wings home. And, I believe he prefers barbecue sauce .”

“Big deal, I like their wings. They happen to be very good.”

“He does sometimes get the specials.”

“OK, maybe I’m being too hard on him.”

“Here! Him is here! You don’t have to continue talking about me in the third person.”

“OK, let me ask you a simple question: when was the last time you tried a new beer?”

“Last Thursday.”

“It must have been good, for you to remember so clearly.”

“It was very good.”

“What beer?”

“Naughty Nurse.”

“We have that here. I’ve never seen you order it.”

“You have the IPA, Cheryl. I was drinking the Amber.”

“Have you been cheating on me? Where were you doing this drinking?”

“Easy Cheryl, remember he travels a lot.”

“He does, but Naughty Nurse is a local brew.”

“He, rather, I was at ADNET Technologies 25^th anniversary cocktail party. They had a ‘tasting’ event. Wine, cider and beer. City Steam was there.”

“Eric? Was Eric there? He’s our sales rep. He does those tastings all the time.”

“He was, and he said he loves coming to this bar.”

“What’s not to love?”

“Hang on a minute. At this ‘tasting’ event, what all did you taste?”

“Naughty Nurse, Amber.”

“That’s it? No cider? No wine?”

“Eric was kind enough to keep pouring the Amber. I liked it.”

“Uh huh, Naughty Nurse Amber, a.k.a. Thursday night Yuengling. Seriously, it’s called OCD.”

“Speaking of Yuengling, could we get another round, Cheryl.”

“You can have as many rounds as you like, unless you’re driving. I want to make sure you can get back here next weekend.”

“He’ll be back. One beer while we talk. Then the second beer. When he’s halfway through that, he’ll order those wings. He’ll finish the beer as the wings arrive and he’s gone.”

“OK, enough is enough. I’m right here, I periodically have three beers, some times I eat here. You cannot predict my every move.”

“Really? I’ll bet you the next round, or the imaginary third round that I can name three things you did last week.”

“I’m already buying the next round.”

“So, you have nothing to lose.”

“OK, three things, but not things like ‘ate dinner’ or ‘walked the dog’, right?”

“Right, even though I’m pretty sure I could chart the course of that walk with Maddie better than your GPS.”

“Maddie is a creature of habit.”

“Said Yuengling boy.”

“Let’s go, while we’re young.”

“Before your recent flight, you purchased a copy of Discover Magazine, Fine Wood Working and a pretzel from Auntie Anne’s.”

“That’s true, but that’s not three things. It’s ‘reading material’ and ‘food’ “

“It’s not ‘food’ It’s an Auntie Anne’s pretzel. You never Tweet about eating anything else.

“I had breakfast at Wendy’s”

“Wendy’s isn’t open for breakfast.”

“They are in the west.”

“OK, so Wendy’s is your west coast Auntie Anne’s. You establish territorial ruts, but you’re the only person I know who regularly reads Discover but doesn’t have a subscription.”

“I like buying it before I travel. If I had a subscription, I’d read it at home.”

“You could set it aside for when you travel.”

“I don’t have that much self-discipline. I’d read it.”

“Willpower, my young friend. It’s what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom.”

“I don’t think reading a magazine or buying a pretzel is on par with standing in a stream, eating salmon ‘til I’m ready to sleep for three months.”

“You never can tell.”

“Speaking of Salmon, it’s one of our specials today. Still want those wings?”

“Yes! BBQ sauce, please.”