Please Finish that Beer

If we were having a beer, you would be driving me crazy.

“Wow, you guys are late today. I was about ready to give up.”

“Sorry, Cheryl. I ran into my young friend at Target, but we needed more time to finish shopping.”

“Correction. You needed more time. I was on my way out.”

“That’s true, but that’s because you don’t shop correctly.”

“OK, before you old ladies start bickering, would you like to order?”

“Give us two bottles of Yuengling.”

“What? You’re having a beer today?”

“I like an occasional beer, and you keep yapping about this stuff; I thought I’d give it a try.”

“Here you go. Two beers, and here’s today’s specials, in case you want some food.”

“Chicken and bacon Quesadillas? Oooh, those look good.”

“Maybe we can split an order.”

“You want me to put that in now?”

“No Cheryl, wait until I finish this beer

“What? First you get my hopes up, now you tell me we have to wait. What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I just want to finish this beer. I prefer wine with food.”

“Quesadillas…they go just fine with beer.”

“I have a civilized palate; I’d rather wait.”

“OK, fine. Cheryl, can you bring me a bowl of the seafood chowder. I’ll eat that while Mr. Fancy-pants cleans his palate.”

“It won’t take me that long, I’m just having the one beer.”

“The way you’re nursing it, we could starve waiting for you to finish. And, what’s with the crack about me not shopping correctly?”

“You don’t shop. You gather merchandise.”

“Oh, you mean I don’t wander around the store.”

“Correct.”

“I know what I want. I go to the store and I buy it, and I leave. I think that counts as shopping.”

“You ignore the experience, the same way you guzzle your beer.”

“I’m not guzzling my beer, I’m drinking it like a normal person.”

“Here’s your chowder. You want another beer?”

“I do.”

“Said the guzzler.”

“Cheryl, when you go to Target, do you get what you need and leave, or do you wander around a bit?”

“Oh, I wander around. How else would I find clothes or stuff for the grandkids?”

“See, you could learn from us. How’s that chowder?”

“Very good.”

“Did you eat anything interesting while in Florida?”

“Yes and no.”

“How’s that?”

“They served these homemade pastries for breakfast that looked really good.”

“Looked good? I’m guessing there’s not a happy ending to this story.”

“No. Turns out they were gluten-free energy bars.”

“Did you put it back?”

“No, someone had seen me take it.”

“How was it?”

“It tasted like granola, but without the flavor.”

“Eew.”

“If we order the quesadillas now, do you think you can finish that beer before they come?”

“What’s your hurry?”

“I’m hungry.”

“You just had a bowl of soup.”

“And you just had your forth sip of beer. It’s like time moves slower in your universe.”

“OK. Cheryl, put an order of quesadillas in, and please bring me a glass of water and a glass of Meiomi.”

“How about you, you need another beer?”

“When the food is up. Who knows, maybe I’ll just finish his.”

“Besides the hippie-throwback breakfast, was it just standard conference fare?”

“They served these interesting appetizers at dinner one night. Grilled shrimp and tereso.”

“Is that that sausage-like stuff?”

“Yes.”

“That sounds good.”

“Yeah, except they served it in a martini glass, over grits.”

“Mmmmm, I love grits.”

“I can’t stand them. I asked the guy if he could just give me the shrimp and sausage.”

“Was he offended?”

“He was. People in the south need to see you give some love for grits.”

“Rightly so. When I was in Florida, grits were a staple at our house. Here’s your wine, your water, are you done with that beer?”

“Almost?”

“He’s going for the record. Cheryl.”

“Well, the quesadillas will be right up.”

“Got it. Just make sure you bring two things of sour cream with those quesadillas.”

“You must like a lot of sour cream; we give a pretty good portion.”

“I don’t like to share. He might double-dip. I wouldn’t want any if he did that.”

“You’re driving me nuts. I don’t shop correctly, I guzzle my beer, and now, apparently, I eat…”

“…like a caveman.”

“You know, if you weren’t paying, I’d be offended.”