One Liner WednesdayLast Thursday, I blamed credited Mary, over at Mary J Melange, with the idea to use crane doors for Thursday Doors. This week, I have to give her “credit” for inspiring this One-Liner Wednesday post.

Mary was talking about Foam Rollers on Facebook.

Up until a couple of years ago, if you said “foam roller” to me, I would have thought about one of two things. Either the foam rollers that can be used to spread stain and clear finishes on woodworking projects, or the home permanent kits from the 60’s.

No, I never had a home perm.

But I did have to sit through a few Saturday nights when my cousin gave my mother a perm. Oh my, that smell. That was the worst smell ever.

However, a few years ago, Shelly, a.k.a. my Physical Therapist. Introduced me to a whole ‘nother kind of foam roller. The six-inch diameter, 48″(121.9cm) long closed-cell foam cylinder designed for massage and exercise but adapted by physical therapists to inflict pain and cause great humiliation.

I wrote about this before. I even illustrated that post with a signature graphic element. However, I left out my one-liner because I was nervous about offending people. Well, Mary’s encouragement combined with the fact that my editor doesn’t edit #1linerWeds posts brings me to the ragged edge of sacrilege today. When Shelly first introduced me to the foam roller, she told me to: “park your butt at the very end of that, then lay back with your spine on the roller and let your arms hang at your side.”

Keep in mind, I was in PT because my neck and shoulder hurt. I was in pain. So much pain. The worst pain ever. When Shelly asked me: “so, what do you think of the foam roller?” I replied:

I think this is how they killed Jesus.”

Mary thought it was funny. And, Mary wrote about Jesus and cat poop, so if I get turned away at the Pearly Gates, I’ll be in good company.

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday. See all the other one-liners at her place.

74 responses to “PT, Jesus and Mary–No, Not that Mary”

  1. I am STILL laughing at your one-liner and I want to believe You-now-who is laughing too. Funny stuff, Dan. Thanks for giving me credit…I accept!

    By the way, I also hated the smell of the old permanents. Mom would perm at home and just no. On the other hand, that position on the foam roller? It’s one of my favorites when I need to loosen up. Sorry it gave you so much pain, but then you wouldn’t have had a hysterical one-liner for today. Right?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks again for the inspiration/encouragement. We were created with a sense of humor, so I think I’m OK.

      That position did help alleviate the pain, but it hurt so much at first. Then, when it stopped hurting, she gave me dumbbells to hold and then to do punches with. I still do the dumbbell punches at least once a week. If I skip too many days, my wife threatens to call Shelly.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really, really do like your wife. I tend to experience more pain with the massage therapists when they aim for the nasty trigger points and concrete muscles. It’s a good, beneficial pain, but it makes me want to jump off the table and run away.

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  2. Oh, you are definitely in big trouble. I’m sure while Jesus, Mary, and Joseph are having their coffee this morning and catching up on reading blogs, they will be very upset to see this. :-) Since I am using a heating pad on my back right now and then plan to move it up to my sore shoulder, that foam roller is looking pretty good. If you get turned away for this, you’ll know ‘everyone’ at your next destination. See you there – bring beer. :-)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I hope your shoulder and back pain go away soon. As long as I don’t see any divine tweets, hashtag #smite I think I’m OK.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. […] Last week was crazy busy…and my boss wasn’t even around. By Friday, I felt good about what I had accomplished; however, the stress of it all had my shoulders pinned to both ears. Facebook friends noted that I required a foam roller and a beer. The foam roller and I had a date Friday evening, but the beer was nowhere to be found. (For more information on foam rollers see Dan Antion’s hilarious post of today.) […]

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Help! I’ve fallen into a sharing/linking/crediting wormhole – so I will just say this: which came first, the chicken or the foam roller?

    [now to copy and paste to Mary’s]

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha – sorry for the finger-pointing, but I’m not going downstairs alone. Maggie.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. HaHaHa!!! Well, God does have a sense of humour!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I firmly believe that, Pam. Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Yikes! That even looks painful in your drawing. I think you even made Jesus laugh Dan. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Cheryl. It was so painful at first, but it did relieve the pain fairly quickly (although they measure time in weeks)

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  7. Those foam rollers show up in yoga classes, too. Equally awkward and painful there, too. I think you’re onto something about Jesus…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Careful, you might end up on the down escalator with the rest of us :)
      Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I thnik the first class they make PT instructors take is sadism.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They do seem to enjoy it a little too much.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t think you have anything to worry about with such gentle language …. the words that have come out of my mouth while using the roller on my quads isn’t repeatable. I have a reputation to maintain ;)

    Have you ever considered that we actually pay money to people who inflict that pain on us?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Joanne. My first encounter with the PT was when she grabbed my head and said: “As I move this around, tell me when your shoulder hurts”

      “You’re going to hurt me?”

      “Yes, I am going to hurt you!”

      The orthopedic had diagnosed me as suffering from inflammation. She was pretty sure it was a pinched nerve in my neck. She was right.

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      1. You know it’s not going to go well when they warn you in advance that it’s going to hurt :/

        Hope your shoulder and neck issues are resolved. Life feels miserable when the neck hurts.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. My neck has been good for a while now. I do keep up with these stretches and exercises (not as often as I should) which helps.

          Liked by 1 person

  10. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. #gigglesnort.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Bryant. At least I know I’m on good company.

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      1. That’s stretching “good” quite a bit — foam roller time teach you how to do that? ;)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It’s amazing where your mind goes when you’re in pain and forced to stare at the ceiling.

          Liked by 1 person

  11. You know what Mark Twain said about the Afterlife: Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha – I hadn’t heard that before. I think we’re all on the A-list for the upstairs. Humor is part of His creation, too.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. God definitely has a sense of humor or else I’m pretty sure none of us would be here today. :-) My husband has one of the rollers and yes, they can cause pain, but at least it’s the beneficial kind and inexpensive as well. I had a massage Monday, a delayed birthday treat, and she really hit some points I didn’t even know were tight and sore. The soreness is finally going away today, thankfully. If I had the money, I schedule a regular massage, but alas. Happy Wednesday, Dan.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You make a good point, Janet. At least when I lay on the foam roller at home, there’s no $40 co-pay.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It can double as a weapon if someone tries to break in. Just stand out of sight and whack him when he comes in. :-) Of it could be used for relatively safe but hilarious jousting. Hmmm, I think I should have some breakfast. My brain seems to be shorting out!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Maybe you’re just on a roll – sorry, I couldn’t resist.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. 😉. Something I would have been proud to say.

            Liked by 1 person

  13. I could give you a gold star sticker for that drawing alone, Dan. I think you should put one of those in every post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Wendy. You’re too kind, but I’ll give it some thought.

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    2. I agree! Dan has hidden talents!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You guys crack me up. You both make amazing art. I’m scratching out stick-figures that don’t live up to Dilbert in quality, yet you see something worthwhile. Thanks you both, so much.

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  14. Well I think it’s hysterical! :D
    People say the darnedest things when they’re in pain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. In pain and surrounded by women I didn’t want to offend and other patients. I’m glad you liked it, and thanks for the tweets.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. ROTFL. Mitchell lives for these instruments of torture.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Does he use them himself or does he “coach” you to use them?

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  16. LOL! Great one liner! I like the illustration. I hope the roller worked and you’re not in pain anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Deborah. The roller did work. I am not in pain, but I drift toward pain when I avoid using the roller at home 2-3 times a week like I’m supposed to. My wife threatens to call Shelly if I skip too many days.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad it worked and the Mrs. won’t let you miss too many exercises. :)

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Forgive all of them, Lord. Wait! Me first.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha – I think you’re breaking some commandments down there in Antionville, John. You better stick with us. You know, safety in numbers. Or is that misery loves company?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha ha ha. *holding hands*

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Fun post & funny comments, Dan! Old enough to have used foam “hair” rollers! And Toni home perms! Yep, smell was awful! (laughing) Your stick figure illustration was a hit! Humor needed in that position. Happy Wednesday! 🎶 Christine

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Christine. The stick figure does seem to be a hit. You never know what’s going to work :)

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Heheheheheheh OMG! Dan, I laughed SO hard when I read this post. I don’t mean to minimize your pain cause I know what pain is but man are you funny! Thank you SO much because after yesterday, an emergency day, I really am so grateful to laughter. Short version of LONG story … one of the barn cats I care for and love got caught in an inhumane animal trap (a number 2 spring open and shut trap). After my miraculous ability of actually getting the trap out of a pile of junk I managed along with hubby to get cat’s paw out of trap and then we flew 100mph to Vet to get this cat proper attention. The good news is: the cat today is in better shape then I am. No broken bones. Just 3 punctures and a very very sore and torn muscles. When amputation was mentioned when we first brought him in I almost hit the floor. Vet cannot understand why more damage was not done. Angels, and Jesus! for real work with me! <3 <3 <3

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That kitty certainly has 9 lives. Good for him, that could have ended very badly. I’m glad you guys were quick to help. I’m also glad you liked this one-liner. Along with all the other things He gave us, we got a sense of humor.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Ha, ha, very funny. :D

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  21. I think I am happy to have naturally curly hair and no perm smell.
    Am I weird? I really want to park my butt on the roller now, just to feel the sensation. Yeah, I am weird!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OK, the no perm smell, not weird. The park you butt thing, maybe. If you can get yourself balanced on that roller, the stretching that results from your arms hanging out there actually does feel very good.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It would be a test for my balance, I’m not good with balance.

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        1. I have found it difficult to keep the roller in line with my spine. Once you drift to one side or the other, it’s pretty easy to fall off. It’s a good thing I’m alone when I do this.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Audrey. That’s always the goal :)

      Liked by 1 person

  22. I remember those home perms. They have ammonia in them. Don’t want to spend much time smelling that. I knew a girl once who tried giving herself one of those and ended up with chemical burns on her face.

    This is the second post in a row (not from you but in my Feedly) that mentioned “foam rollers.” Hmm….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s a message, John

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  23. Haha! Love the drawing. Shoulder pain really sucks, doesn’t it? I think we met when I was suffering with my frozen shoulder. Great one liner, Dan. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember sharing comments about shoulder pain. It’s the worst.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Ha ha ha. I really want to park my butt on the roller now, just to feel the sensation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha – I can tell you that that’s the good part. Laying back down over that thing is hard for someone who isn’t all that limber.

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  25. Ha, Dan, that drawing is too much. It looks like a bug on a stick, begging for mercy. Which I’m sure YOU were, given the pain you were in. Sorry to hear that! Hope you feel much better now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha – Paul, my wife made the same comment about that drawing: “you look like a bug!” I do feel better now, but I need to park my butt back on that thing to keep the problems under control.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. I’ve never used a foam roller in the way you illustrated, but I do agree that they are an instrument of torture. I think I’d rather smell the awful stuff they used for home permanents than to roll out my quads on one of those hateful things.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Some people say they’re great. My experience is less wonderful.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. […] a super-funny post the other day, and I want to be sure you don’t miss it. It’s called PT, Jesus and Mary — No, Not That Mary. It’s a post about a holy roller. No, not that kind of holy […]

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you liked this.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. I wish I’d read this post before I experienced the foam roller a few years back, because I’d have used your clear and accurate response rather than my namely pamby own: It really hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you’re done with that thing, Janet. I’m supposed to do it 2 days a week. I’m maybe doing it once. My wife is on my case, so that will change soon.

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  29. I’m a little behind but thankful to stop by on an “easy” one-liner, Dan! This made me chuckle since I have faced pain and have to say the roller looks kind of scary! I like doing shoulder rolls and lifting small weights. I’m not sure about lying down and looking like a Tootsie roll! ;)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s painful, Robin but it does work. It stretches the muscles across your chest and back, but I stick to my comment.

      Like

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