PT, Jesus and Mary–No, Not that Mary

One Liner WednesdayLast Thursday, I blamed credited Mary, over at Mary J Melange, with the idea to use crane doors for Thursday Doors. This week, I have to give her “credit” for inspiring this One-Liner Wednesday post.

Mary was talking about Foam Rollers on Facebook.

Up until a couple of years ago, if you said “foam roller” to me, I would have thought about one of two things. Either the foam rollers that can be used to spread stain and clear finishes on woodworking projects, or the home permanent kits from the 60’s.

No, I never had a home perm.

But I did have to sit through a few Saturday nights when my cousin gave my mother a perm. Oh my, that smell. That was the worst smell ever.

However, a few years ago, Shelly, a.k.a. my Physical Therapist. Introduced me to a whole ‘nother kind of foam roller. The six-inch diameter, 48″(121.9cm) long closed-cell foam cylinder designed for massage and exercise but adapted by physical therapists to inflict pain and cause great humiliation.

I wrote about this before. I even illustrated that post with a signature graphic element. However, I left out my one-liner because I was nervous about offending people. Well, Mary’s encouragement combined with the fact that my editor doesn’t edit #1linerWeds posts brings me to the ragged edge of sacrilege today. When Shelly first introduced me to the foam roller, she told me to: “park your butt at the very end of that, then lay back with your spine on the roller and let your arms hang at your side.”

Keep in mind, I was in PT because my neck and shoulder hurt. I was in pain. So much pain. The worst pain ever. When Shelly asked me: “so, what do you think of the foam roller?” I replied:

I think this is how they killed Jesus.”

Mary thought it was funny. And, Mary wrote about Jesus and cat poop, so if I get turned away at the Pearly Gates, I’ll be in good company.

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday. See all the other one-liners at her place.

About Dan Antion

Husband, father, woodworker, cyclist, photographer, geek - oh wait, I’m writing this like I only have 140 characters. I am all those things, and more, and all of these passions present me with opportunities to observe, and think about things that I can’t write about in other places. I have started this blog to catch the stuff that falls out, overflows and just plain doesn’t fit the other containers in my life.
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74 Responses to PT, Jesus and Mary–No, Not that Mary

  1. bikerchick57 says:

    I am STILL laughing at your one-liner and I want to believe You-now-who is laughing too. Funny stuff, Dan. Thanks for giving me credit…I accept!

    By the way, I also hated the smell of the old permanents. Mom would perm at home and just no. On the other hand, that position on the foam roller? It’s one of my favorites when I need to loosen up. Sorry it gave you so much pain, but then you wouldn’t have had a hysterical one-liner for today. Right?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks again for the inspiration/encouragement. We were created with a sense of humor, so I think I’m OK.

      That position did help alleviate the pain, but it hurt so much at first. Then, when it stopped hurting, she gave me dumbbells to hold and then to do punches with. I still do the dumbbell punches at least once a week. If I skip too many days, my wife threatens to call Shelly.

      Liked by 1 person

      • bikerchick57 says:

        I really, really do like your wife. I tend to experience more pain with the massage therapists when they aim for the nasty trigger points and concrete muscles. It’s a good, beneficial pain, but it makes me want to jump off the table and run away.


  2. Oh, you are definitely in big trouble. I’m sure while Jesus, Mary, and Joseph are having their coffee this morning and catching up on reading blogs, they will be very upset to see this. :-) Since I am using a heating pad on my back right now and then plan to move it up to my sore shoulder, that foam roller is looking pretty good. If you get turned away for this, you’ll know ‘everyone’ at your next destination. See you there – bring beer. :-)

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Pingback: One-Liner Wednesday: Beer | Mary J Melange

  4. Help! I’ve fallen into a sharing/linking/crediting wormhole – so I will just say this: which came first, the chicken or the foam roller?

    [now to copy and paste to Mary’s]

    Liked by 1 person

  5. quiall says:

    HaHaHa!!! Well, God does have a sense of humour!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. dweezer19 says:

    Yikes! That even looks painful in your drawing. I think you even made Jesus laugh Dan. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ally Bean says:

    Those foam rollers show up in yoga classes, too. Equally awkward and painful there, too. I think you’re onto something about Jesus…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. dweezer19 says:

    I thnik the first class they make PT instructors take is sadism.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Joanne Sisco says:

    I don’t think you have anything to worry about with such gentle language …. the words that have come out of my mouth while using the roller on my quads isn’t repeatable. I have a reputation to maintain ;)

    Have you ever considered that we actually pay money to people who inflict that pain on us?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dan Antion says:

      Thanks Joanne. My first encounter with the PT was when she grabbed my head and said: “As I move this around, tell me when your shoulder hurts”

      “You’re going to hurt me?”

      “Yes, I am going to hurt you!”

      The orthopedic had diagnosed me as suffering from inflammation. She was pretty sure it was a pinched nerve in my neck. She was right.


  10. bryantduhon says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. #gigglesnort.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. marianallen says:

    You know what Mark Twain said about the Afterlife: Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. God definitely has a sense of humor or else I’m pretty sure none of us would be here today. :-) My husband has one of the rollers and yes, they can cause pain, but at least it’s the beneficial kind and inexpensive as well. I had a massage Monday, a delayed birthday treat, and she really hit some points I didn’t even know were tight and sore. The soreness is finally going away today, thankfully. If I had the money, I schedule a regular massage, but alas. Happy Wednesday, Dan.


    Liked by 1 person

  13. Wendy Brydge says:

    I could give you a gold star sticker for that drawing alone, Dan. I think you should put one of those in every post!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. joey says:

    Well I think it’s hysterical! :D
    People say the darnedest things when they’re in pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. ROTFL. Mitchell lives for these instruments of torture.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. LOL! Great one liner! I like the illustration. I hope the roller worked and you’re not in pain anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Forgive all of them, Lord. Wait! Me first.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. C.E.Robinson says:

    Fun post & funny comments, Dan! Old enough to have used foam “hair” rollers! And Toni home perms! Yep, smell was awful! (laughing) Your stick figure illustration was a hit! Humor needed in that position. Happy Wednesday! 🎶 Christine

    Liked by 1 person

  19. AmyRose🌹 says:

    Heheheheheheh OMG! Dan, I laughed SO hard when I read this post. I don’t mean to minimize your pain cause I know what pain is but man are you funny! Thank you SO much because after yesterday, an emergency day, I really am so grateful to laughter. Short version of LONG story … one of the barn cats I care for and love got caught in an inhumane animal trap (a number 2 spring open and shut trap). After my miraculous ability of actually getting the trap out of a pile of junk I managed along with hubby to get cat’s paw out of trap and then we flew 100mph to Vet to get this cat proper attention. The good news is: the cat today is in better shape then I am. No broken bones. Just 3 punctures and a very very sore and torn muscles. When amputation was mentioned when we first brought him in I almost hit the floor. Vet cannot understand why more damage was not done. Angels, and Jesus! for real work with me! <3 <3 <3

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      That kitty certainly has 9 lives. Good for him, that could have ended very badly. I’m glad you guys were quick to help. I’m also glad you liked this one-liner. Along with all the other things He gave us, we got a sense of humor.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Ha, ha, very funny. :D


  21. I think I am happy to have naturally curly hair and no perm smell.
    Am I weird? I really want to park my butt on the roller now, just to feel the sensation. Yeah, I am weird!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. John Holton says:

    I remember those home perms. They have ammonia in them. Don’t want to spend much time smelling that. I knew a girl once who tried giving herself one of those and ended up with chemical burns on her face.

    This is the second post in a row (not from you but in my Feedly) that mentioned “foam rollers.” Hmm….

    Liked by 1 person

  23. LindaGHill says:

    Haha! Love the drawing. Shoulder pain really sucks, doesn’t it? I think we met when I was suffering with my frozen shoulder. Great one liner, Dan. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Mary P says:

    Ha ha ha. I really want to park my butt on the roller now, just to feel the sensation.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Paul says:

    Ha, Dan, that drawing is too much. It looks like a bug on a stick, begging for mercy. Which I’m sure YOU were, given the pain you were in. Sorry to hear that! Hope you feel much better now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan Antion says:

      Ha ha – Paul, my wife made the same comment about that drawing: “you look like a bug!” I do feel better now, but I need to park my butt back on that thing to keep the problems under control.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. I’ve never used a foam roller in the way you illustrated, but I do agree that they are an instrument of torture. I think I’d rather smell the awful stuff they used for home permanents than to roll out my quads on one of those hateful things.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Pingback: Wonder How to Camp with Jesus? Here's an Idea #FridayRecommends - MARIAN ALLEN, AUTHOR LADY

  28. Aunt Beulah says:

    I wish I’d read this post before I experienced the foam roller a few years back, because I’d have used your clear and accurate response rather than my namely pamby own: It really hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. reocochran says:

    I’m a little behind but thankful to stop by on an “easy” one-liner, Dan! This made me chuckle since I have faced pain and have to say the roller looks kind of scary! I like doing shoulder rolls and lifting small weights. I’m not sure about lying down and looking like a Tootsie roll! ;)

    Liked by 1 person

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