PT, Jesus and Mary–No, Not that Mary

One Liner WednesdayLast Thursday, I blamed credited Mary, over at Mary J Melange, with the idea to use crane doors for Thursday Doors. This week, I have to give her “credit” for inspiring this One-Liner Wednesday post.

Mary was talking about Foam Rollers on Facebook.

Up until a couple of years ago, if you said “foam roller” to me, I would have thought about one of two things. Either the foam rollers that can be used to spread stain and clear finishes on woodworking projects, or the home permanent kits from the 60’s.

No, I never had a home perm.

But I did have to sit through a few Saturday nights when my cousin gave my mother a perm. Oh my, that smell. That was the worst smell ever.

However, a few years ago, Shelly, a.k.a. my Physical Therapist. Introduced me to a whole ‘nother kind of foam roller. The six-inch diameter, 48″(121.9cm) long closed-cell foam cylinder designed for massage and exercise but adapted by physical therapists to inflict pain and cause great humiliation.

I wrote about this before. I even illustrated that post with a signature graphic element. However, I left out my one-liner because I was nervous about offending people. Well, Mary’s encouragement combined with the fact that my editor doesn’t edit #1linerWeds posts brings me to the ragged edge of sacrilege today. When Shelly first introduced me to the foam roller, she told me to: “park your butt at the very end of that, then lay back with your spine on the roller and let your arms hang at your side.”

Keep in mind, I was in PT because my neck and shoulder hurt. I was in pain. So much pain. The worst pain ever. When Shelly asked me: “so, what do you think of the foam roller?” I replied:

I think this is how they killed Jesus.”

Mary thought it was funny. And, Mary wrote about Jesus and cat poop, so if I get turned away at the Pearly Gates, I’ll be in good company.

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s One-Liner Wednesday. See all the other one-liners at her place.

74 thoughts on “PT, Jesus and Mary–No, Not that Mary

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  1. I am STILL laughing at your one-liner and I want to believe You-now-who is laughing too. Funny stuff, Dan. Thanks for giving me credit…I accept!

    By the way, I also hated the smell of the old permanents. Mom would perm at home and just no. On the other hand, that position on the foam roller? It’s one of my favorites when I need to loosen up. Sorry it gave you so much pain, but then you wouldn’t have had a hysterical one-liner for today. Right?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks again for the inspiration/encouragement. We were created with a sense of humor, so I think I’m OK.

      That position did help alleviate the pain, but it hurt so much at first. Then, when it stopped hurting, she gave me dumbbells to hold and then to do punches with. I still do the dumbbell punches at least once a week. If I skip too many days, my wife threatens to call Shelly.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really, really do like your wife. I tend to experience more pain with the massage therapists when they aim for the nasty trigger points and concrete muscles. It’s a good, beneficial pain, but it makes me want to jump off the table and run away.

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  2. Oh, you are definitely in big trouble. I’m sure while Jesus, Mary, and Joseph are having their coffee this morning and catching up on reading blogs, they will be very upset to see this. :-) Since I am using a heating pad on my back right now and then plan to move it up to my sore shoulder, that foam roller is looking pretty good. If you get turned away for this, you’ll know ‘everyone’ at your next destination. See you there – bring beer. :-)

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I don’t think you have anything to worry about with such gentle language …. the words that have come out of my mouth while using the roller on my quads isn’t repeatable. I have a reputation to maintain ;)

    Have you ever considered that we actually pay money to people who inflict that pain on us?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Joanne. My first encounter with the PT was when she grabbed my head and said: “As I move this around, tell me when your shoulder hurts”

      “You’re going to hurt me?”

      “Yes, I am going to hurt you!”

      The orthopedic had diagnosed me as suffering from inflammation. She was pretty sure it was a pinched nerve in my neck. She was right.

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  4. God definitely has a sense of humor or else I’m pretty sure none of us would be here today. :-) My husband has one of the rollers and yes, they can cause pain, but at least it’s the beneficial kind and inexpensive as well. I had a massage Monday, a delayed birthday treat, and she really hit some points I didn’t even know were tight and sore. The soreness is finally going away today, thankfully. If I had the money, I schedule a regular massage, but alas. Happy Wednesday, Dan.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It can double as a weapon if someone tries to break in. Just stand out of sight and whack him when he comes in. :-) Of it could be used for relatively safe but hilarious jousting. Hmmm, I think I should have some breakfast. My brain seems to be shorting out!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. You guys crack me up. You both make amazing art. I’m scratching out stick-figures that don’t live up to Dilbert in quality, yet you see something worthwhile. Thanks you both, so much.

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    1. Thanks Deborah. The roller did work. I am not in pain, but I drift toward pain when I avoid using the roller at home 2-3 times a week like I’m supposed to. My wife threatens to call Shelly if I skip too many days.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Fun post & funny comments, Dan! Old enough to have used foam “hair” rollers! And Toni home perms! Yep, smell was awful! (laughing) Your stick figure illustration was a hit! Humor needed in that position. Happy Wednesday! 🎶 Christine

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Heheheheheheh OMG! Dan, I laughed SO hard when I read this post. I don’t mean to minimize your pain cause I know what pain is but man are you funny! Thank you SO much because after yesterday, an emergency day, I really am so grateful to laughter. Short version of LONG story … one of the barn cats I care for and love got caught in an inhumane animal trap (a number 2 spring open and shut trap). After my miraculous ability of actually getting the trap out of a pile of junk I managed along with hubby to get cat’s paw out of trap and then we flew 100mph to Vet to get this cat proper attention. The good news is: the cat today is in better shape then I am. No broken bones. Just 3 punctures and a very very sore and torn muscles. When amputation was mentioned when we first brought him in I almost hit the floor. Vet cannot understand why more damage was not done. Angels, and Jesus! for real work with me! <3 <3 <3

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That kitty certainly has 9 lives. Good for him, that could have ended very badly. I’m glad you guys were quick to help. I’m also glad you liked this one-liner. Along with all the other things He gave us, we got a sense of humor.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. OK, the no perm smell, not weird. The park you butt thing, maybe. If you can get yourself balanced on that roller, the stretching that results from your arms hanging out there actually does feel very good.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I remember those home perms. They have ammonia in them. Don’t want to spend much time smelling that. I knew a girl once who tried giving herself one of those and ended up with chemical burns on her face.

    This is the second post in a row (not from you but in my Feedly) that mentioned “foam rollers.” Hmm….

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ha, Dan, that drawing is too much. It looks like a bug on a stick, begging for mercy. Which I’m sure YOU were, given the pain you were in. Sorry to hear that! Hope you feel much better now.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m a little behind but thankful to stop by on an “easy” one-liner, Dan! This made me chuckle since I have faced pain and have to say the roller looks kind of scary! I like doing shoulder rolls and lifting small weights. I’m not sure about lying down and looking like a Tootsie roll! ;)

    Liked by 1 person

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