The Goo the Bad and the Ugly

Give us this prompt! We’ll be good! We promise!

Linda G. Hill put the Friday reminder for the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt up early today, which means one thing. The voices that I keep locked away all week have been drooling over the chance to bust out of that dark corner of my mind. All. Day. Long.

Come on! Linda is giving out bonus points!

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: ‘give/given/giving.’ Begin your post with one of those words. Bonus points if you end your post with one as well. Enjoy!”

He’s a sucker for bonus points. This prompt is ours now.

That’s a good thing, because he’s been giving us the bum’s rush lately. There’s been a lot of changes going on, and we had something to say about them. But, it: “wasn’t the right time” or we were: “in polite company” and we couldn’t say what should have been said.

Take last week for instance. We were up in Boston and the subject of conversation was change and making change happen and being an “agent of change” and, blah blah blah change blah blah. The truth of the matter is nobody likes change, and the only time we’ve been successful implementing changes is when we’ve crammed them down peoples’ throats, so to speak.

We were sitting at a bar, discussing change and how people should embrace change. Isn’t that a stupid phrase? “Embrace change…” as if it’s a puppy. Well, the next thing we knew, the bartender was talking about how the new chef changed the menu. The skirt steak we always get no longer comes with asparagus. Now, it comes with whipped potatoes. You can still get asparagus, but it’s a $2 up-charge. “Up-charge?” Why do people have to say stuff like that? Why can’t the just say “that will be $2 more” ? Up-charge. Like it’s a thing. Like it’s in 1st Class or box seats.

Then, the whole reason for ordering asparagus over whipped potatoes was called into question because that same chef changed dessert from ice cream to gelato. Lemmie tell you, Baileys ice cream was like sweet Irish melt-in-your-mouth silk. Baileys gelato? Kinda slippery, like it was made by a car dealer or a lawyer. The only thing good about gelato is that the plural is gelalti. We like things that are made plural by adding an ‘I’ to the end. It’s the way we refer to more than one jackass – jacki.

Speaking of jacki, you can add the sports “analysts” at ESPN to the list of people giving us a headache. Playing behind the bar while we waited for dessert was ESPN’s mock NFL draft. They showed a clip of Ben Roethlisberger with the caption: “Big Ben’s career coming to an end?” Then, the analyst said:

You know what the Steelers should look for in the draft? They should look for a quarterback like Aaron Rogers to play behind Ben for a year and then take over.”

Yeah, that would be a good combination, but, alas…

Seriously? I mean, that’s some powerful analysis there.

You know who ESPN should look at when they’re trying to figure which on-air personality to drop? You! How much analysis does it take to figure out that finding the next Aaron Rogers would be a good idea? I couldda thunk that up.

Does ‘couldda have two D’s? Does it need the ‘L’? Do you know how hard it is to type ‘thunk’ on an iPad? There should be a “hey, the voices are talking” switch on the iPad. Otherwise, you have to aim a big fat finger at the tiniest ‘x’ in the world to say ‘thunk’.

The next worst thing that came on the TV was a commercial for the Naväge nose cleaner. Who wants to watch that while half-eating half-slurping Baileys-gelato? We’d rather see those two wanna-be spontaneous lovers on the beach in their bathtubs looking for Cialis. By the way, shouldn’t they be in the same bathtub? How that gonna work?

See, that’s the kind of stuff you can’t say in polite company. You can force people to watch a nose-vacuum suck the gelato out of your sinuses, but you can’t make a suggestive comment.

After dinner, and the polite business conversation about change, bad sports talk, over-priced asparagus and extra-slippery Baileys goo, it was back to the room, and one last change – reading the online edition of the newspaper. It’s not so bad now that you can find the comics.

But…

There’s danger afoot.

When you read the paper version of the comics, you read, scan and ignore at your pleasure. When you read the online edition, you have to click “next” and go through every comic. If there’s a hiccup with the hotel’s WiFi, you run the very real risk of seeing a corner of Mary Worth.

Mary Worth has been living out what seems like three months of her life, one minute at a time, since 1938. She hasn’t changed a bit in almost 80 years and I think the fact that she isn’t going to change can be taken as a given.

78 thoughts on “The Goo the Bad and the Ugly

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  1. I almost fell out of my chair when I saw “Goo” because I thought you had a typo in your header, and yet I knew the Editor would never allow that. :-) I think you need an extra long walk on your regular route with Maddie today. You seem stressed. :-) I’m surprised the menu didn’t say it was an ‘artisan up charge.’ Have a great weekend, Dan.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! Judy, that was her first question. “Goo? Did you mean goo?” I almost put a warning at the top. I did include a “not a typo” statement in the Twitter announcement.

      That bit of travel was last week. It’s probably an underlying reason for my post about needing weekends. Maddie and I are looking forward to our walk, though.

      Liked by 4 people

  2. We were up in Boston and the subject of conversation was change and making change happen and being an “agent of change” and, blah blah blah change blah blah. The truth of the matter is nobody likes change,

    Most people are okay with change but what they don’t like is stupid change……like that hotel rug which looks like what a dog would hallucinate.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Don’t you HATE it when they mess with your menu? The chef probably got some new equipment for his/her birthday. You have to sympathize, though: it must get boring, making the SAME THINGS the SAME WAY for years and years and years. Unless you’re really superb at it, and renowned all over the world as “the creator of absolutely the best asparagus in recorded history.” And, while we’re rambling, why isn’t there a k in renowned? Why isn’t it reKnowned, since it mean people know you?

    Also: Mary Worth, young feller, has changed a lot since she began life as Apple Mary. She gotten younger, wealthier, and more sophisticated. But still boring.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha – Marian, you made the same comment my editor did about Ms Worth. But, SoCS, no editing allowed. I was hoping no one would notice. And, if the new chef wanted to change something, he couldda started with the corn muffins.

      You’re right about renowned.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Nice to meet you, “dark Dan”. Lol. Upcharge? Upchuck. It is a discouraging subtelty. Like ” no substitutions please.” That muffin looked like a bit of spilled batter. But was it really tasty? And the million dollr question….did you embrace that $2 asparagus? I won’t even get started on sports comentators. Makes me long for Howard Cossell. 😳

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! Nice stream of comment, Cheryl. Yes, the muffin is yummy but way too small. I did embrace the asparagus. Sports folk are mostly just awful. As for “dark Dan”, you never know who’s gonna pop out of the corner of my head. On any given Saturday, it can be the snarky ones.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Google it. My favorite ride was Earthquake Mcgoon’s Brain Rattler. I rode it. Once. We have photos. On real paper. Kodak moments, I believe they were called. Sometimes our Summer vacations in the Ozarks were more lively than others. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You really covered the waterfront today, Dan. An up-charge for the asparagus? That’s plain wrong. Though I would prefer all three — the skirt steak, the mashed potatoes, AND those green spears. As for the ads you mentioned, along with ESPN? Let’s just say that’s why God gave us a mute button. And that carpet seems needlessly complicated. It’s a rug, people. Something to walk on. Make it a nice color, and keep it clean — don’t try to turn it into modern art or something that would disorient a customer who’d had one too many drinks at the hotel bar. Though that customer might be in a position to enjoy Mary Worth …

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Dan–I love this post! I had no idea Mary Worth was still alive and kicking. She is not on our newspaper comics page. About that online news…..when I would call to complain that my newspaper was not delivered, I was always told ‘you can read it online.’ Dammit–I don’t want to read it online. Bottom line: no credit for you, lady. You did ‘receive’ your newspaper this morning.
    Oh, those Cialis commercials! My husband always asks the same thing: Why are they in separate bath tubs? Too funny.
    Coulda thunk it? My kind of writing!
    Oh change—-my supervisor always gets on me for not liking change. Of course, I don’t like the shock of change. But, yes, I always come around. That’s a given.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one with the bathtub question. People get mad at me for changes, but eventually they accept them. I’m glad you enjoyed this, Lois. And yes, Mary Worth, Judge Parker, they’re all still out there.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Laugh out Loud post today, Dan. You are a master. I just figured out why the $2 upcharge. You see those whittled ends on the asparagus? There is a culinary specialty called veggy sculpture and those guys don’t come cheap. Next time you order the asparagus tell them you want blunt ends and that the upcharge won’t be necessary. That separate bathtub scene on the Cialis commercial gives us guys a bad name. I think maybe he is too dirty to get in hers.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Glad you got the chance to let the voices loose in a harmless way Dan. :D
    I used to love change at work. It was a chance for things to get better. Then somehow they’ve managed to make it so that no matter how toxic the situation, impossible though it seemed, change managed to make things worse. Now that’s a skill. So, these days, I’m with you about change.
    Happy Saturday. Wishing you and yours a lovely weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You covered a lot here, Dan. I’ve had the same thoughts about “new” words. My field was PE and they would talk about exercises that were “contraindicated.” “Don’t do them” works for me and for most people, I think. Aaron Rodgers? Yeah, he’s my guy and it doesn’t take much analysis to come to the conclusion you mentioned above. What drives me nuts about sports announcers is the way one of them is always “alongside” the others. “Next to”, anyone? And I remember Mary Worth, but as we don’t get a paper anymore, I never know who’s still around.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well you’re not missing much with that woman. Mary seems to be getting younger with time. I do wish we’d skip the big words and obvious analysis. I mean, why don’t we just find the next Tom Brady while we’re at it? And that carpet has to go n

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I have had a good laugh there about the changed menu. Those guys are discussing how people should embrace change and then they discover the chef has changed the menu and they don’t like it. It is hilarious.
    Thanks, Dan.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Good for you, voices, for getting your chance to go on about anything your little heart desires. Dan, you got me laughing which is SO needed by me and I thank YOU so much!! That food, dang it, made my stomach rumble and that carpet … holy cripe! My head got dizzy just looking at it. I mean what was the intention of putting that carpet in? To make their guests run for the bathroom to loose the just eaten meal? LOVE those voices … I happen to agree about the insanity about embracing change. NO ONE likes change! LOL Great writing, voices! <3

    Liked by 1 person

  13. YES! Why isn’t the couple in the same tub?!?!?!!? Too much for TV? It’s already a boner commercial, so, seriously, showing them in one tub would be lewd or something? Man, those commercials bug me!

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Dan, this is awesome. 1,000 bonus points to you for the Aaron Rodgers photo and references. Everybody wants to draft the next Aaron Rodgers or that guy up in New England. I want the Packers to draft another Aaron when it gets to be that time for the real Aaron. But, in the meantime, let’s carry on and have an awesome 2017-2018 season.

    I hate up charges, especially for asparagus. I would have said, “Do you have corn or peas for free?” That’s silly, the steak should have come with potatoes and asparagus.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As soon as that bozo said we should draft the next Aaron Rogers, I thought: “oooh, Mary will give me bonus points if I ever use that one.” Given the cost of that steak, I think they could have thrown in any vegetables or all the vegetables. Between you and me, I’d rather have Rogers than that guy up the road from us.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Awesome SoCS. I like when you let the voices out.
    Not even a week ago, Sassy asked me what is so sexy about side-by-side bathtubs? Not a damn thing.
    I’m sorry about your Bailey’s switch-out. That sucks. I remember how much you liked it, and how much I wanted to try it. I like gelato, but I feel for ya.
    Of course asparagus is upping. Upping from something fresh and green from something brown and starchy that lives in a drawer for months should cost more. Probably most people didn’t eat their vegetables like good girls and boys.
    Your comics complaint reminds me of people who tell me to work the crossword online. UH, NOWA. :(

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We all (great) minds seem to be thinking alike on the tubs. I know asparagus is better than spuds, but the steak was crazy expensive, so… I don’t do crosswords but a friend does and I give him my paper copy cuz he doesn’t like it online.

      Like

  16. You’re on a roll here Dan and hilarious! I was giggling until I got to, “The next worst thing that came on the TV was a commercial for the Naväge nose cleaner. Who wants to watch that while half-eating half-slurping Baileys-gelato? We’d rather see those two wanna-be spontaneous lovers on the beach in their bathtubs looking for Cialis. By the way, shouldn’t they be in the same bathtub? How that gonna work?”
    I laughed out loud and nearly snorted my evening red wine all over my desk!! OH MY GOSH, TOO FUNNY! How’s that gonna work? Seriously!! LOL!!!

    I stopped reading to tell you this. Going back to read the rest now. Oh wait, lemme finish my wine first! :)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha! Thanks for the mid-stream update, Deborah. Sorry about the wine. I wouldn’t want you to waste any or run the risk of needing that nose cleaner. Thanks son much for the comment.

      I saw the comments on the pictures. Can’t reply yet, but yeah, that “muffin” is way too small.

      Liked by 2 people

  17. I never thought I would like reading a digital newspaper. But now I do. Don’t have the problem with the comics being cut off, but I read it from home. I still don’t like reading books or long articles online as much. In fact, I don’t read books on my computer. Wow, I did not think people were still using the term “change agent.” I think I heard that term first in my college Nursing program. We wanted to make positive change. It sounds like the way your company is using the term is to make employees accept the change the company wants to see happen. Am I right?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The meeting was with folks from an association of information professionals. One of the big deals now is digital transformation, and change and change-management are big things again. It goes in cycles. Much of the success I’ve had had been by just changing things. So, you might be right, but it’s more me than our company. Then again, some things really do have to change. Except books. I’m not a fan of digital books.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Two thoughts. The rug is obviously inspired by those scenes in the adventure movies where you only want to step on the right section or you really really want to embrace change. That and I have been embracing change so long that I found out my inner voices have their own even scarier inner voices. Or should that be inner inner voices with an echo ? I am beyond engaged. Though it does rhyme with engaged. I try never to write that in the engagement survey. They would probably think that was truly embracing change and whole heartedly adopt it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The rug would make a good game for kids. “Go play in the hall, don’t step on the black lines.” Now you have me wondering what might be beyond those voices in my head, John. Do they have inner voices? It’s too scary to think about.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. You got your give and given in there, but it was the middle of this post that had me laughing aloud until I nearly snorted coffee through my nose — not a pleasant thing on a springlike Sunday morning. The bit that got to me was the surprise of Mary Worth. I had no idea she was still dispensing wisdom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a problem with change for the sake of change, Glynis. I do cause changes in peoples’ (work) lives all the time, but there is usually a good reason and almost always a lot of lead time and training.

      Our favorite restaurant got a new chef last year. He changed the menu to add a few of his signature dishes. That was fine, but when they didn’t sell very well, he started removing items that were crowd favorites. After many persistent complaints, most of those dishes are back on the menu, but one just made it back recently. He had removed Eggplant Parmesan, which was one of only two vegetarian entrees on the menu. It finally came back about three weeks ago.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I was almost hooting and hollering over here! :D
    First of all, great choices of making things that used to be “nice” or “good” into horrible changes. I dislike when vegetables are more expensive than French fries.
    Ice cream is delicious and rich while gelato tastes like ice. (No cream!) Certainly this all “evens out,” right? As a past server, I used to order veggies from cook but charge for potatoes. I agree “up charge” somehow has become the only way to describe “more money for a substitute.” Bah humbug!
    The two bath tubs is a quirky and inexplicable visual. I mean, “wtf?” Excuse my language!
    Hope you, Faith (distant brother and daughter) and the Mrs/Editor have a fun and yummy Easter, Dan! 🐣🐤🐥🐰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Robin. I’m glad you enjoyed this. I always feel bad for the servers that have to deliver the bad news. The person I was sitting next to, another regular in this hotel, ordered his favorite meal and the bartender told him they took it off the menu. He said “I was hoping I wouldn’t be on duty the night you showed up.”

      I hope you and your family have a wonderful Easter, especially those cute grandbabies!

      Like

  21. Bahhah at the carpet, wondering if you misspelled gelato/gelati twice on purpose out of sheer contempt. If I’m not mistaken, in Italy not every ice-cream is a gelato. There are conditions to be met. And I’d want those asparagi too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll have to check the spelling. Word wasn’t liking either form but I did look it up. That doesn’t prevent mistakes though. I did see the rules, but they seem less strict than those for ice cream here in the states. It’s all pretty confusing.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. I try to not use “ESPN” and “analyst” in the same sentence because my brain hurts so very much when I do so. It’s really all these sports shows and networks anymore. Of course we need so many more “experts” because there are so many more broadcast outlets…but when you look at the credentials (or lack thereof) of who is doing the talking…geez. I mentioned the other day even though Tony Romo has not worked as a member of the media before…he already is thought of more highly by me than a dozen people I could open up on before Tony opens his mouth for his first opinion. On an unrelated note I’m not sure I can comfortably refer to what comes out of my sinuses when I rinse them as gelato but I’ll give it a whirl. I am sure I wouldn’t want to watch someone else clearing their nose out…whether I was eating or not. :)

    Liked by 1 person

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