Linda G. Hill put the Friday reminder for the Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt up early today, which means one thing. The voices that I keep locked away all week have been drooling over the chance to bust out of that dark corner of my mind. All. Day. Long.
“Come on! Linda is giving out bonus points!”
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: ‘give/given/giving.’ Begin your post with one of those words. Bonus points if you end your post with one as well. Enjoy!”
He’s a sucker for bonus points. This prompt is ours now.
That’s a good thing, because he’s been giving us the bum’s rush lately. There’s been a lot of changes going on, and we had something to say about them. But, it: “wasn’t the right time” or we were: “in polite company” and we couldn’t say what should have been said.
Take last week for instance. We were up in Boston and the subject of conversation was change and making change happen and being an “agent of change” and, blah blah blah change blah blah. The truth of the matter is nobody likes change, and the only time we’ve been successful implementing changes is when we’ve crammed them down peoples’ throats, so to speak.
We were sitting at a bar, discussing change and how people should embrace change. Isn’t that a stupid phrase? “Embrace change…” as if it’s a puppy. Well, the next thing we knew, the bartender was talking about how the new chef changed the menu. The skirt steak we always get no longer comes with asparagus. Now, it comes with whipped potatoes. You can still get asparagus, but it’s a $2 up-charge. “Up-charge?” Why do people have to say stuff like that? Why can’t the just say “that will be $2 more” ? Up-charge. Like it’s a thing. Like it’s in 1st Class or box seats.
Then, the whole reason for ordering asparagus over whipped potatoes was called into question because that same chef changed dessert from ice cream to gelato. Lemmie tell you, Baileys ice cream was like sweet Irish melt-in-your-mouth silk. Baileys gelato? Kinda slippery, like it was made by a car dealer or a lawyer. The only thing good about gelato is that the plural is gelalti. We like things that are made plural by adding an ‘I’ to the end. It’s the way we refer to more than one jackass – jacki.
Speaking of jacki, you can add the sports “analysts” at ESPN to the list of people giving us a headache. Playing behind the bar while we waited for dessert was ESPN’s mock NFL draft. They showed a clip of Ben Roethlisberger with the caption: “Big Ben’s career coming to an end?” Then, the analyst said:
“You know what the Steelers should look for in the draft? They should look for a quarterback like Aaron Rogers to play behind Ben for a year and then take over.”
Seriously? I mean, that’s some powerful analysis there.
You know who ESPN should look at when they’re trying to figure which on-air personality to drop? You! How much analysis does it take to figure out that finding the next Aaron Rogers would be a good idea? I couldda thunk that up.
Does ‘couldda have two D’s? Does it need the ‘L’? Do you know how hard it is to type ‘thunk’ on an iPad? There should be a “hey, the voices are talking” switch on the iPad. Otherwise, you have to aim a big fat finger at the tiniest ‘x’ in the world to say ‘thunk’.
The next worst thing that came on the TV was a commercial for the Naväge nose cleaner. Who wants to watch that while half-eating half-slurping Baileys-gelato? We’d rather see those two wanna-be spontaneous lovers on the beach in their bathtubs looking for Cialis. By the way, shouldn’t they be in the same bathtub? How that gonna work?
See, that’s the kind of stuff you can’t say in polite company. You can force people to watch a nose-vacuum suck the gelato out of your sinuses, but you can’t make a suggestive comment.
After dinner, and the polite business conversation about change, bad sports talk, over-priced asparagus and extra-slippery Baileys goo, it was back to the room, and one last change – reading the online edition of the newspaper. It’s not so bad now that you can find the comics.
There’s danger afoot.
When you read the paper version of the comics, you read, scan and ignore at your pleasure. When you read the online edition, you have to click “next” and go through every comic. If there’s a hiccup with the hotel’s WiFi, you run the very real risk of seeing a corner of Mary Worth.
Mary Worth has been living out what seems like three months of her life, one minute at a time, since 1938. She hasn’t changed a bit in almost 80 years and I think the fact that she isn’t going to change can be taken as a given.