Smitten Not Bitten

I can say with authority, that when a young man becomes smitten with a young woman, there is hardly anything he won’t do to gain her attention.

One summer, when I was working for the Post Office, one of the stops on my route was the state psychiatric hospital where my mother worked. She was a switchboard operator, and she worked in the Administration Building where the hospital’s post office was located. One day, while delivering the mail, I saw a young woman and I was smitten. Unfortunately, she was not interested in knowing me.

I asked my mother to introduce us. She did, and that went nowhere. I pitched for the softball league she played in, but I was not able to get on base with her. I discovered that I worked with her brother, and I asked him to set us up. He tried, and failed.

One day, when I was delivering the mail, she approached me and asked if I would do a favor for her. I thought that was my big chance. Do her a favor. Impress her, and she would have to go out with me. I was convinced that if she got to know me, we would fall in love. I asked about the favor.

I parked under a tree last night, and I left my car window open, and a snake got in. It was on the seat this morning. I tried to shoo it out but it crawled under the seat. Would you get it out for me?

There were so many things wrong with that scenario, not the least of which was that she had driven to work in a car with a snake under the seat. I considered my options and I offered to set her car on fire. Beyond that, I wasn’t interested. Needless to say, we never dated.

Fortunately, the only animals my wife has me dealing with are cute and fuzzy.


This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun weekly series One-Liner Wednesday. I know, even the one-liner wasn’t one line. I’m sorry, but I’m under my normal word weight. You can follow this link to see the one-liners from the other participants.

86 thoughts on “Smitten Not Bitten

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  1. Haha! I would have had the same reaction, Dan. Even love shouldn’t have to make that sort of sacrifice! Love those squirrels (and the chipmunk) and of course, Maddie, who I think should have her own blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Val. Judging by the collective comments, Maddie should have this blog, and I should go back to Blogger :)

      That favor was too much to ask, even of love, or infatuation, or whatever it is 19-year-old men have in their heads.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with Val…The Maddie Blog. It has a nice ring. As for the snake, did you ever find out if she got it out of the car? I suppose at that point you didn’t care one way or another – nevertheless, fate or divinity stepped in so that you would eventually meet The Editor and commune with squirrels and a dog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As you might imagine, she was a little more cold to me after that day. She was even a bit cold to my mom. As you say, I didn’t care. That was a step on the path to happiness (and squirrels, birds, bunnies, chipmunks and, of course, Mitzi, Reilly, Mollie and Maddie).

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Burning the car sounds like a plan to me because I don’t do snakes. Of course, dare I admit here in print, that chipmunks and squirrels aren’t my favorite either. Here, they cause me a lot of damage and extra work. Of all your furry and feathered friends, I love Maddie best. :-)

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  4. Ha! So many things to comment on and so little time Dan. I spent four years pining over a boy who was too immature, too shy and too disinterested for me to have thought I was in love. I am so proud of you for walking away from that one; but, hey, that would be a great scene for a movie. I know where it would go in most films and it wouldn’t be you walking away with your pride and health intact!
    Those cute little chipmunks don’t look like rodents much. Besides even the rodents can be cute. From across the field. Theough the zoom. 😉
    Great photos! I love the Jay. Mean but beautiful birds. And I only have one word for bunnies.. Awwwwwww……..we had a lop eared bunny for a pet for several years. We got it from the preschool where one of my children attended. They were very farm-y there. We named it Roger. When we had to move we asked if Roger would be welcome back at home and the director said aure just drop him off in the hutch with the other one. Well, we did, my then 5 year old youngest was there, along with my other boys. We popped Roger in the empty side of the hutch and said hi to the other bunny who promptly ignored us and popped over to introduce himself to Roger. We decided to rename the bunny Regina after all. 🙄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m guessing Regina was more, um, open-minded than my would-be date. The chipmunks are so cute. They hop around the yard, and they pop in and out of their perfectly dug holes. I know people who care so much about their lawns, that they cringe at the thought of a chipmunk, but we love watching him. This one sits on the porch now and waits for my wife to come out with the food. We get quite a crew. Yesterday, when I was at work and the Mrs. was without camera, she had Mr & Mrs Cardinal and MR & Mrs Baltimore Oriole in her garden. She just tilled it last week, and the birds are feasting on bugs of all sorts.

      If you’re familiar with “Gone in 60 Seconds” – Now I’m gonna have to add that video to this post – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R36ssGbClUk

      Liked by 1 person

          1. Too bad about the cardinals. They are lovely to watch. They are always in the park where I go for lunch. Almost a,ways in pairs. The males scope things out before sending the female to eat. But if he senses anything of danger he will chirp at her to hurry up. They are so familial.

            Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks John – There’s also a snake scene in “Gone in Sixty Seconds” but, however relevant, I decided not to include it. I’m with Mr. Ford on the subject of snakes, and since this girl wasn’t the Holy Grail of women, it wasn’t worth the risk.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Lois. They are seriously cute. They are usually quite shy. My wife found two baby squirrels near their mother (who had been hit by a car) earlier this year. She started feeding them on a daily basis, and the chipmunk decided to get in on the eats. The Squirrel babies are doing well, even foraging a little on their own, but we now have a regular crowd for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The black squirrel (also seriously cute) appears to have had babies recently as well, as did the bunny.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The old “snake under the front seat” routine eh? Oldest female trick in the book mate. You bend down to get to grips with the snake, and before you can say “unsolicited sleaze”, the female has taken pics of your ass and they’re all over Instagram.
    They’re like common beasts of the field mate :(

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks Joanne. I just couldn’t. I mean, what else might she have been capable of doing? I had already written this when I read your post yesterday about the “wormy things” – I was tempted to give you a head’s up.

      Like

  6. It was a test, Dan. If you had said yes, you would get the snake out from her car she would have known you 1) truly loved her 2) were the world’s biggest sucker. AFAIC, you PASSED that test. ha! Thank you for the picture of Maddie, and I adore the “how’s this” squirrel!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You might be right Marian – maybe there was no snake. Still, I wouldn’t want to be on record as agreeing to do that. This is where the expression “not for love nor money” applies. Burn. The. Car. Only acceptable answer.

      That little guy is getting all kinds of praise today. Maddie thinks he’s a showoff.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Snakes are only to been seen from a safe distance or from a LONG LENS. :)

    Back in 2011 on the way from trip to Death Valley we stopped to photograph a vast field of yellow wild flowers. When we got back to the car there was a Rattle snack by the tire of car 1 of our little car pool. All three of my companions got WAY. TOO. CLOSE! Now, it doesn’t take much for me to go into Full blown Mother Mode and I was in overdrive then!
    I was back at car 2 taking photographs constantly telling them to get back they were well within striking distance! Fortunately, it all turned out fine and the snake didn’t strike out.

    I’ve seen other people getting within striking distance of rattlers too. One day someone isn’t going to be so lucky. Even when not poisonous I keep my distance! They give me the creeps!

    You made the right call! :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Deborah. Despite Mr. Zagami’s comment about it probably being a safe snake, I would have had to stick my head on the floor to see under the seat. Way, WAY too far out of my comfort zone. Plus, how could I ever trust her judgement? She’d always be to woman who rode to work with a snake under the seat.

      As for your snake, I’m with you, long lens, keep your distance.

      Like

  8. It was interesting to know your story. I loved a girl in my college days but for unknown reasons she was never interested in me. I proposed her but obviously she declined. Twice, Sarah and I saw her in a shopping mall. Interestingly, she’s still spinster.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Gee whiz! You’ve exploded over here while u was toiling away in my gardens. I am deliberately not fixing stupid so you can see what my spell check does to me. That posing squirrel pic is hysterical as are all your captions. Take my word for it you lucked out with that woman. And as far as chippy chipmunk go they have free reign here except when they start burrowing under our pole barn. Then hubby takes action. Not saying what. Loved the post and laughs ! Spell check not too bad this time because I swear it knows I’m watching right now. Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You offered to set her car on fire! Haha. That is so crazy!
    I never won over any of the girls that got me smitten. The last time I even helped her with a course that almost no one else understood. Analog Electronics, taught by an arrogant lecturer who was more concerned with the mathematics aspect of the course. So we would meet after classes and I would teach her. Just sitting there with her was the greatest feeling ever. We never dated, though, and that ‘greatest feeling’ turned into the most sour kind.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I doubt you missed the big love of your life with that girl. It sounds like she was just going to use you otherwise she would have smiled at your response, asked for other suggestions on getting the snake out and still gone on a date. That’s what I would have done, no wait, I would got your help to burn the car. I hate snakes. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Linda. Yes, that was a relationship that was never meant to be. The little critters, especially the ones in our yard, are pretty comfortable around people. Maddie is really good, she doesn’t chase them or even bark at them.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Ha! I don’t blame you for offering to set the car on fire, and glad to hear it. I knew girls like that — and I was always stunned by the fact that it always seemed to work for them. Ego and games. I always hated both… which explains my “lofty” position in life! :D Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I knew a lot of these women. I finally realized that they weren’t the kind of people I wanted to spend time with. There has to be something at the “real human person” level. I’m glad you enjoyed this, Teagan.

      Liked by 1 person

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