If we were having a beer, the conversation starter would be obvious.
“Holy crap, what happened to you?”
“I fell.”
“You fell? That’s like Bill Gates saying ‘I made some money in software’ what did you fall from, or into?”
“I fell at home, in the bathroom. The exact details are less than clear.”
“Yikes, Dan! What the heck happened?”
“He fell.”
“I did.”
“Where?”
“He doesn’t remember.”
“I didn’t say that. I fell in our bathroom. I’m just a little sketchy on the details.”
“But, other than the obvious, you’re OK?”
“Yes, Cheryl. Thanks for asking.”
“I was gonna ask.”
“OK then, for the critical detail. Are you on any medication that prevents you from drinking alcohol?”
“I am not.”
“Good. Then I prescribe one Yuengling, administered orally, via frosted glass.”
“Add a glass of Meiomi to that order, and put it on my tab Cheryl.”
“Aww, thanks.”
“I thought you were going to say ‘you don’t have to do that’ at which…”
“…at which point you would have retracted the offer. I cut my head, I don’t have a concussion.”
“What were you doing in the bathroom before you fell?”
“Um, guys, let’s remember that people are trying to eat here. Maybe a light touch on the details is in order. Here are your drinks.”
“Agreed, here’s to good friends and a light touch.”
“You guys have a point. Can you tell me when it happened?”
“Thursday night, around 11:30.”
“Did you call 911?”
“My wife did. After she helped me up, asked those annoying questions and helped me control the bleeding.”
“Annoying questions?”
“You know, ‘what day is it?’ ‘How old are you?’ ‘What’s your birthday?’ those things to see if you’re still thinking straight.”
“Oh, ok. So who came, ambulance or cop?”
“The police arrived first, followed in a few minutes by the ambulance.”
“What did the cop do?”
“He offered to help and then asked all those annoying questions.”
“Did you get to ride in the ambulance? I mean, did they take you to the hospital?”
“They took me to St. Francis.”
“Lights and sirens the whole way?”
“Lights, no siren.”
“Bummer.”
“Yeah, but I got to ride the stretcher down our ramp.”
“Wow! That must have been quite a thrill.”
“It was! I heard one of the paramedics comment about how smooth it was. I built that ramp, that’s quite a compliment.”
“I’m happy for you. How long were you at the hospital?”
“About three hours.”
“That’s a long time for one, two, three…”
“14, there are 14 stitches, a new record for me. But they ran a bunch of tests, too.”
“CBC, Chem, EKG, and all that ER stuff?”
“You watch too much television.”
“ER is on in syndication.”
“Ha ha, yes all that, and a CAT Scan.”
“Wow, in two months, you’ve had an MRI of your head and a CAT scan. I guess that proves there’s something in there.”
“It does, and what’s in there is fine.”
“I came to ask if you boys planning on eating, but I need to know, are you going to stick with ‘Dan’ or switch to Scarface?”
“I’ll stick with Dan. The doctor promised a minimal scar, if I get these out within five days.”
“Come on, I’ve had stitches, they aren’t magic.”
“I just have to give it some time.”
“How much time?”
“About a year. Cheryl, how about putting an order of 20 wings on his tab?”
“I can do that, but are you sure you want to look at napkins covered in barbeque sauce?”
“Good point, make that a large pepperoni pizza.”
“And another round?”
“Absolutely!”
The gallery includes some June leftovers from the Solstice and the high water at Great River Park. And, if you’re not too squeamish, there’s a shot of the new look I’m sporting. I kept it small, but you can click on it or any photo to start a slide show.
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