Shredded Wheat

Family, Humor, If having a beer 78 comments
The perfect place and beverage to share some casual conversation.

If we were having a beer, you’d be in a foul mood.

“I have a bone to pick with you.”

“Great. Save it for a while, we’ll order some wings later.”

“No, this is personal.”

“Oh geeze, before you guys get into it, could I interest you in an adult beverage. I hear it’s ok to have one every day.”

“Yuengling.”

“Meiomi.”

“Well, there’s a surprise. Who’s got the tab?”

“It’s going to be the man who tried to embarrass me on the Internet.”

“Ooooo-Kay.”

“Hold off on assigning that tab until I have a chance to defend myself. I’m not even sure what I did.”

“There’s no defense. Maybe you aren’t aware, but I read Ellen’s blog.

“I wasn’t aware. I’ve never seen you comment.”

“I don’t comment on blogs, I just read.”

“Lurking in the shadows, huh? Here’s your beer, and your wine.”

“Thanks Cheryl.”

“Did you want to order those wings?”

“Not yet Cheryl, we’re still waiting for him to realize that he’s paying.”

“Paying? I still don’t see what this has to do with me.”

“You read Ellen’s blog, and you do comment. I read your comment and I wasn’t impressed.”

“Are we talking about the same Ellen? Notes from the UK? Her latest post was about Weetabix.”

“Yeah, and you replied by raggin on Shredded Wheat.”

“So what?”

“You know that’s my go-to breakfast. Why are you hatin on my cereal?

“Vanity, thy name is jackass, and this beer’s on you.”

“Butchering Shakespeare, who never even wrote that vanity thing, isn’t going to help.”

“My point is that just because something I say resembles you, it doesn’t mean I’m talking about you.”

“What could you possibly have against Shredded Wheat?”

“It’s an old story.”

“How old? We talking years?”

“Yes, about 55.”

“55 years? Must be a seriously sad story.”

“Look, it’s a sad story, but it’s not like that stuff is actually good.”

“It’s good for you, something you wouldn’t understand, Mr. ‘I’ll have a beer and an order of wings’ – Good for you.”

“So is exercise, but you’re not getting much on that stool.”

“Ok, what’s this story?”

“My grandmother used to serve Shredded Wheat for breakfast.”

“Is this the same one who fed you chick peas? I thought you liked that woman.”

“I loved that woman. I’m talking about my mother’s mother. She wasn’t much of a cook.”

“What’s to cook? Shredded Wheat comes in a box, ready to eat. Soften it up, add some milk if you like. You can’t mess that up. I’m sure she let you put sugar on it.”

“She did, but it couldn’t help. The damage had already been done.”

“Damage?”

“She served soft-boiled eggs for breakfast. After the eggs were done, she poured a little of the egg water on the Shredded Wheat and then made a cup of tea with the rest.”

“The rest…of the egg water?”

“Yes. To this day, I won’t eat Shredded Wheat or soft-boiled eggs. I would rather eat grits than Shredded Wheat.”

“Whoa, whoa, hold it right there. Don’t be dissin’ on grits. If you boys want the benefits of cereal, I suggest you take your grain in liquid form. You ready for another round?”

“Sorry Cheryl. I forgot you are from the south. We’ll have another round, but he’s paying.”

“I guess he’s right. His 55-year-old grudge beats my bad assumption.”

“Cheryl, since he’s paying, and since we’re eating healthy, a double-order of wings.”

“Parm pep for you. Blue Cheese for Daddy Warbucks?”

“Yes and yes, and that time the reference was aimed at me.”

“Yeah, but you’re a good sport, and I’m cute as a bug’s ear, so we’ll let it slide.”

Cheryl’s also a great photographer. Check out her latest Wordless Wednesday post.

It’s been pointed out that in my recent sharing of all things Pittsburgh, I left out the dog I left behind. Today’s gallery is mostly from walking and sitting with our crazy pup. Also, the song you might be thinking about is below the gallery.

It was a dark and stormy night. Maddie likes to be confined. At least I have a purpose.
Maddie says it looks like a good day for a walk
This guy is ready to face the day.
Maddie just had a bath. It was about 90°f (32.2°c) outside, so we thought she could dry on her cot. She’s watching a bunny.
“I just had a bath and I can’t do anything with my hair.”
There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.
That’s Chippy – He foraged for that bit of food.
Chippy was waiting for us when we got back from our walk.
“I’m stretched out so I look big. I’m not real big yet, but I’m cute, too.”
These are in the yard of Maddie’s friend.
“Someone said I could have that.”
Maddie decided she didn’t want to be in her cot. I think the grass is cooler.

 

78 comments

  1. Thanks for reminding me of Ellen’s post. I’m not a fan of Shredded Wheat either, but not because someone poured egg water over it. Over here they advertise it by showing grannies knitting them and they certainly taste as if they’ve been knitted.

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  3. Oh those grannies who never EVER let anything go to waste.

    As for Ellen’s post – I had forgotten the name “Shredded Wheat” (see? I had suppressed the trauma, too!) and needed help from my hubby to remember.

    He said, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had Shredded Wheat. I think I’ll add that to the grocery list.”

    Great. Just great.

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    1. Oh no 😳 – you can’t let him do that, Maggie. Just say “I though you meant Frosted Flakes.”

      The worst part of that breakfast was when the eggs would crack and you’d have bits of egg in your tea – “it’s all going the same place,” Yuck.

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  5. there are some things that need to be lost to history. even at the slight risk of being doomed to repeat them all over again. besides there is always the option of skipping the subsequent lament and switching to the praises of grits with a bit of sausage gravy. serious trauma does not improve the flavor of the beer. ever. it might even cause a lapse of focus resulting in missing the therapeutic benefits of the beverage in hand.
    So at this juncture I suggest a change in topic. A comparison of the ‘bird in the hand’ to the ‘beer in the hand’. after all this is philosophical aiming fluid let’s put it to good use. Or as an alternate a lively discussion of the origins of the word therapeutic. Like the beer in your hand. Do I sense an underlying theme developing here ?

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  6. Lol! 😂I was “finger ready” to defend my grits, Dan. Uggg….shredded wheat. My Hubby likes the frosted mini wheats. I find no redeeming favtor in anything that looks like mini haystcks and tastes like cardboard. Seriously? Tea with the egg water? Was there a real water shortage or something? The worst thing my Mom did was to try to get me to eat eggs by chopping up a fried egg and mixing it in my grits! As if. Ummmm….Mom, thhat yellow goo ain’t margarine. I love Madie’s toussled look. Very sexy. And, of course she is on the ground. Gotta work her way towards that next bath. And sunning…and walk…and bath…I just love Chippy. And Carley Simon. Great choice.

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    1. Thanks Cheryl. I was gonna check and then I thought “…Louisiana???” Yeah I’d get in trouble fast without acknowledging that one.

      There was no water shortage but a pot and a kettle might have been too hard for that woman to handle. She had many redeeming qualities, cooking wasn’t in the mix.

      My freshman year in college was at UGA in Athens. Every single day they would slip grits onto my scrambled eggs. “No grits please” was consistently ignore by women who believed they were essential.

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      1. Oh we can easily make a meal of grits and toast. BUT…I am very particular about the grits and how they are cooked. No fat grits please and not soupy. Hubby always gets the grits on the side at River Grille. 😉I have much ambivolence towards hominy though. That stuff just doesn’t look right….

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            1. I have tried grits but (big but, I suspect) I’ve only had them in less than amazing restaurants. I had lots of people at school say “you would like my momma’ grits” but never had those. I’ve had polenta (Italian grits) but not a fan.

              Liked by 1 person

  7. Dan, you wrote some great lines for today. “I suggest you take your grain in liquid form” was memorable, but:

    “I have a bone to pick with you.”

    “Great. Save it for a while, we’ll order some wings later.”

    …was the best.

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  8. Thanks for linking to the mom post, Dan. It’s always good to remind people about the daily adult refreshment.

    I’ve eaten shredded wheat in the past, but with milk and sugar. With egg water? Oh, just no. I can see why you have a dislike for that cereal. Soft-boiled eggs are another story. Have you ever tried soft-boiled duck eggs? They are divine! Add a couple slabs of bacon and yum!

    Tell Maddie she’s a good girl and give her a couple good pats for me.

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    1. Thanks Mary. I can’t bring myself to try any soft-boiled egg. I’d be wondering about my coffee or tea if I did. Although, the addition of bacon couldn’t hurt.

      Maddie is off to a slow start today. I’ve been rubbing her belly and scratching her ears, but she’s going back and forth between couch and cuddler. Maybe I should follow her example.

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        1. I’m trying to make some progress on my doors and shed, but I’m slow today, too. My plan was to go robbed early, get up so as to be at Home Depot at 6:00 when they open. I wasn’t going to watch preseason #1 until the end, but…

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  9. Uh-oh, I feel like I’m about to go out on a limb here again today.

    I don’t like cereal. Never have. ALL cereals get soggy and disgusting when wet and I just can’t get past the texture.
    However …. I discovered during my I’m-an-athlete days when I seemed to always be calorie-deficient (which of course was just an illusion – my body was just whining about all the work I expected it to do) that dry cereal eaten like chips or peanuts was awesome! Mini-wheats were one of my favourite go-tos. I used to carry little baggies of mini-wheats everywhere with me.

    To be honest, what I REALLY wanted was Fruit Loops, but mini-wheats were acceptable.

    mmmm – I haven’t had a little snack of dry cereal in a LONG time …

    btw – I’m impressed by how small Maggie can make herself all curled up wedged between you and the side of the couch. She wouldn’t have liked it here last night with all our thunder boomers.

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    1. I think you’re ok, Joanne. We didn’t have the option of frosted, or even mini. We had the age-old standard hockey puck of dried hay. I sometimes will eat dry cereal, but I usually eat Corn Flakes fast enough that they don’t get soggy. Fruit Loops, Trix and Frosted Flakes were my favs. As well as Captain Crunch.

      Maddie turns into an ity-bit when she’s scared.

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    1. Right now, you’re the entire minority, Deborah. As s base for yogurt and fruit, maybe but it’s a cinch I’ll never know.

      Maddie’s shampoo leaves her pretty much tangle-free but those curls take a while to settle down.

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  13. Oh my gosh, I just have way too much to say about all this. First off, people who take blog posts or comments as a passive-aggressive insult are emotional criminals. Now and again someone will contact me and ask, “Was that about me?” I’m always surprised at who’s asking, because I can’t even imagine why, no evidence of said behavior has been demonstrated let alone established. And then I think, if I had this problem with you, you would know, cause I ain’t afraid of confrontation… So confusing.
    Big bales of shredded wheat are nom, and should only be eaten by Joeys before she swims or otherwise burns an extra 300 calories lol and they should absolutely NEVER be made using warm egg water. ZOMG NO.
    Grits are delicious :P
    I have an apricot scarf and I must sing about it :)
    Maddie is precious <3 Divine ear floof.
    This post was excellent. I thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue. :D

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    1. Thank you! I do get the “is that about me?” And I never get it. I’m over 60 years old, I’ve known way more funny/crazy/jackass people than you. God forbid I ever write about people having an affair ;-)

      You can have all the Shredded Wheat – in – the – universe.

      Maddie thanks you for understanding ear floof. I actually refer to her ears as her fwopps.

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  15. Oh, Dan–I both chuckled and choked at this one. Egg water on shredded wheat?? Kill me now. As for grits…..I may live in the South, by I am Yankee to the core. No. I don’t care that ‘Shrimp and Grits’ is to die for. Not gonna happen. Maddie and her curls are adorable!! Chippy and the bunny are her cute sidekicks. What a great backyard you have.

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  18. Oh no! Shredded wheat with hot milk & sugar for breakfast got me through nursing school! Glad I didn’t have any bad grandmother experiences with good old SW. It’s oatmeal now (GF). Ellen dropped off my reader. Just got her back. Have a great weekend! Maddie’s a model! 🐶Love the hair. 🎶 Christine

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  23. Ii eat shredded wheat every Monday so I can feel virtuous after the indulgent breakfasts I enjoyed Saturday and Sunday. It takes some doing, but I get it down. Another chuckle-producing conversation, Dan. I look forward to them.

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    1. She usually likes having a bath. I was changing, before we could go outside and sit. She’s a little impatient. We’ve been told that, if we were to attempt to put Maddie in a dog show, that curl would have to go. Non-conforming, don’t you know.

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  26. I like shredded wheat a few different ways but agree: Absolutely No egg water added! And not in my tea, either! Yuck! :(
    My grandpa would pour lovely homemade honey over our dry Shredded Wheat “loafs” and then add a small amount of milk. We loved this! At home, Dad would do the same thing with maple syrup. Yum! When I was slightly limited on funds, as a single Mom, I would buy brown sugar and sprinkle over any “plain” cereal already “wet” with milk, like rice Chex, wheaties or Cheerios for my kids. This kept the brown sugar easy to see and taste. 😜
    I also made oatmeal with milk, butter and brown sugar. My kids decided they liked cinnamon sugar on all cereal. We should have “invented” Cinnamon Toast Crunch!
    We rarely had flavored cereal but my parents would purchase small boxes of cereal in variety packs, Dan. My faves were Sugar Pops and Cocoa Puffs. Captain Crunch was my college test studying “reward.”

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    1. I think if I had good memories of breakfast with Shredded Wheat, I’d feel better about it, Robin. Captain Crunch was pretty good. Probably not so good for us, but easy to eat. Sugar Pops were another good one. I wish I had known about putting brown sugar on things :-)

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