It’s a gray day – perfect for a rant.
This wasn’t the plan. I was going to finish a draft for Monday’s (today) post, when I received one of the most annoying emails ever. Nothing malicious or evil, not some piece of spam that snuck through the filters, not even someone asking me to donate money to some screwball cause, like their sister’s wedding:
“…Beth has always imagined having an island wedding with the groom arriving on a white donkey while she stands ankle deep in rose petals – won’t you help make her dreams come true? Click here for our GoFundMe page…”
No, this was more annoying.
This was a request for me to write a story about my new storm door and share it with all the other customers at Lowes. If I don’t have time to write a story, they are willing to settle for a review on their site.
The door had been hanging in the doorway for precisely 37 hours!
Send me a link to a survey about the installation process. I have some things to say about that, some good, some not so good. Then, send me an email next October and ask me if I still like this door – If it hasn’t warped like every other storm door – if it still closes on its own – if it kept the rain and snow off the porch for 12 months – and if the retracting window / roller screen thingie hasn’t separated and become permanently stranded at the bottom of the door, I’ll say some nice things. Until then, please accept the hard-earned money I paid for your door and let’s call it even.
Amazon is by far the worst and most annoying company regarding feedback. They sent me three emails last December, asking/reminding/almost demanding that I write a review of the wood stove tools I bought in November. The problem is, I bought them as a Christmas gift. Amazon routinely badgers me to write reviews for books I’ve purchased but which I have not read. Whatever happened to a favorable review being something I wrote if I felt like it?
I don’t rant often. It feels good. I could probably fill a blog with rants. I won’t, but since the sluice gate is open, here are the some other feedback-related things that annoy me:
Surveys that evade the real issue:
“Was the flight attendant nice to you?” “Was the waiting area clean?” “Did the pilot greet you as you were leaving the plane?“
Yes, yes, yes, but the flight was late and I was crammed into a kindergarten-desk-sized seat and given 11 stale mini-pretzels and 3 ounces of Seltzer to wash them down. Where are those questions?
Surveys that ignore the value of my time:
“We appreciate that you rated your room a 10. Can you please tell us two or three things that impressed you about the room?”
No! The room was fine. I gave you a 10, because if I gave you a 7 you would ask me to write an essay on what made the room so horrible.
Badgering begging and bemoaning:
“After we’re done, please stay on the line for a survey. And, I’d really appreciate all 10’s.”
“We’re selling candy bars to raise money for orphans. The employee who sells the most gets Thanksgiving off.” (At the checkout of a pharmacy, no less).
“My boss says if I don’t get all 10’s, I won’t get a raise next year.”
You should all call in sick on Thanksgiving and make you dumbass bosses come to work.
I really would prefer to keep my transactions at a you-deliver-I-pay level. I’ll let you know if I’m unhappy. I’ll let someone know if I’m extra happy. If I came to your store or website to buy something, and you had it in stock and I bought it, we’re done. That’s called shopping, it’s not a life enriching experience for either of us.