Press One For a Beer

If we were having a beer, you’d be upset.

“Are you buying this week?”

“Let’s see, I bought the week before Thanks….”

“A simple yes or no would suffice.”

“Geeze Louise, what’s up with you?”

“Aw, come on, you guys aren’t fighting again – are you?”

“No Cheryl, we’re not fighting. I’m just not in the mood for long drawn-out explanations. I asked a simple question. Apparently, my young friend can’t handle a simple answer.”

“Maybe you didn’t ask right. Watch me: Dan, would you like a Yuengling?”

“Yes, Cheryl, I would.”

“See Mr. Grumpypants. Now. Would you like anything?”

“Bourbon?”

“John Howell’s?”

“Yes. I’m sorry for being grumpy. I’ve had a bad week.”

“No problem, bartenders get this all the time.”

“But friends don’t.”

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, too.”

“What got you in such a foul mood?”

“Open enrollment. I hate dealing with insurance companies.”

“I thought you were on Medicare.”

“I am, but I have to buy supplemental insurance for the stuff Medicare doesn’t cover and every sleazeball in America is trying to sell that.”

“Aren’t you with the evil empire?”

“AARP? They’re not so bad.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I’m trying to find better prescription coverage.”

“Here’s your beer, nice frosty mug and here’s your bourbon, just the way you like it. The prescription calls for two of these, taken in succession and you’re covered, without a co-pay, by your young friend.”

“Thanks Cheryl, that’s perfect.”

“So, did you get the plans figured out, or shouldn’t I ask?”

“Almost. A friend recommended a new carrier for Part-D. What about you?”

“As I recently told the good folks at Humana, I’m not 65. Remember, ‘young’ friend.”

“But you have health insurance.”

“I do. It looks better on paper than it does in the ER, but I have it.”

“No problems figuring it all out?”

“I have limited choices. High-deductible or POS, and then choose one of two carriers.”

“POS, that’s a great acronym for health insurance these days.”

“Ha – you’re right.”

“Everything is automated, and awful.”

“Well, I had a wonderful customer experience this week.”

“Wonderful customer service? I didn’t think that existed anymore.”

“Ahem, who gave you the extra strong pour ‘cuz you were feeling low?”

“I’m sorry Cheryl. I didn’t mean you.”

“Yeah, yeah. You boys want some food, or just another round?”

“Since we both have health insurance now, I think an order of wings with that second round is appropriate.”

“Coming right up.”

“So who provided such remarkable customer service?”

“Paines.”

“The garbagemen?”

“Recyclers – garbagemen went out in the 70s.”

“Why are you dealing with gar… reCyclers?”

“I had to order a dumpster.”

“Aren’t you done building stuff for the winter?”

“I am, but I have to get rid of the old doors, the old shed and hopefully, an old office desk.”

“Please tell me you aren’t setting me up for a slide-show of dumpster photos.”

“Well, I did take several pictures while it was being delivered.”

“Can you limit that to one or two? I mean, don’t you have some food photos you can share, maybe a picture of Maddie?”

“OK. I wouldn’t want to make you grumpy again.”

“Thanks. I’m still trying to imagine how they make dumpster-customer-service good.”

“How about this? When I called, the woman asked me if I knew what I wanted, or did I want the options explained.”

“Wait, a woman answered? A real live woman?”

“Yes.”

“And she allowed for you to know what you want without launching into a sales spree?”

“Yes.”

“Wow – that – is – good. I would have expected a voice mail menu with about ten options.”

“That’s not the best part.”

“OK, I’ll bite.”

“When I gave her the address, she said: ‘the instructions we have on file show that you want the dumpster in the driveway on the side with the lamp-post’ is that still correct?”

“They remembered your preferences? Nobody remembers my preferences. Nobody remembers nothing. I had to give the insurance people my Social Security number like fifteen times!”

“Nobody remembers your preferences? Seriously, Mr. I’ll-have-my-bourbon-in-a-snifter-with-a-glass-of-ice-on-the-side – nobody?”

“I’ve done it again. I am so sorry Cheryl.”

“I’m sure. Here are your wings, Parm-pep AND Blue Cheese dipping sauces, your beer and your second dose of Willet’s.”

“I got the food and drinks, but I think you should leave her a nice tip.”

“Great, just like my insurance, the meal is covered, but there’s a co-pay!”

“I’ll apply it to your deductible.”

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The photos are as my buddy requested, and please remember to check out Cheryl’s work.