Waffle Baseball Christmas

You’ll be reminding me that I am late again for our Saturday beer.

“Should we just start drinking at three-thirty instead of three?”

“And Merry Christmas to you, too.”

“Since I didn’t greet you, I sense that you are avoiding my complaint.”

“By all means, avoid his complaint and order. I’ve been listening to him gripe for ten minutes.”

“Hi Cheryl, Merry Christmas. I’ll have a Yuengling and bring Scrooge a glass of bourbon, unless he prefers wine.”

“Bourbon is fine, with…”

“…with a snifter of seltzer on the side.”

“And a glass of ice, Cheryl. But I would like to get back to my complaint.”

“I wouldn’t. I’m avoiding your complaint, and your humbug. It’s Christmas, and I choose to be happy.”

“Christmas is Monday. If anything, today is yule.”

“I’m sorry, as far as I’m concerned, it’s Christmas. I know that the winter solstice occurred on Thursday. I know that Hanukkah has come and gone. I know there are other holidays to celebrate, FBS bowl games are underway, the NFL season is coming to a close, hockey is heating up and pitchers and catchers report in fifty-three days, but it’s Christmas.”

“Pitchers and catchers report in fifty-three days?”

“They do.”

“As far as I’m concerned, that’s the start of spring.”

“You’ll usher spring in almost forty days early, but you’ll quibble with me over Christmas?”

“He needs to pick on you for something. He’s angry that you were late. Here’s your beer, your bourbon, your seltzer and your ice. If you boys want some food, you’re welcome to sample some of the stuff the employees brought in to share.”

“Aw, that’s nice. It’s like we’re family.”

“You are family. You argue like the old married couples in my family.”

“I’ll drink to family.”

“And Christmas?”

“Yes, and Christmas. So, did you finish your shopping?”

“Oh, I finished earlier this week.”

“Then why were you late? I mean, I know you weren’t that late, but I just assumed you were shopping.”

“I was wrapping.”

“Did you finish wrapping?”

“No.”

“Then why on earth were you late?”

“I was watching a movie. It ended at three o’clock and I came right over.”

“Let me guess, the Hallmark Channel?”

“Don’t make fun, some of those are pretty good.”

“No offense, Cheryl. But no, I wasn’t watching the Hallmark Channel.”

“Then what? What was more important than meeting me on time?”

“The Magnificent Seven.”

“The Magnif…aw, OK. I can’t even pretend to be mad. I would have stayed for that, too.”

“It was timely. I was just reading Robert Vaughn’s autobiography.”

“The Man From Uncle?”

“Yes, and one of the stars in The Magnificent Seven.”

“Wait, you’re not trying to rope me into that trivia thing your buddy David tricked you with, are you?”

“No, this has to do with baseball.”

“Baseball??? The movie was about gunfighters saving a village in Mexico.”

“Yes, but in his autobiography, Robert Vaughn talked about how Yul Brynner used to yell out:  ‘Waffle! Baseball!’ to warm up his voice.”

“Why would he do that?”

“To piss everybody off. It’s a long story, you’ll have to read the book.”

“I’ll wait for the movie. I’m going to sample some of that food.”

“I’m going to order some wings.”

“OK, but get five with Buffalo sauce.”

“Did I hear an order for wings?”

“You did Cheryl. Five barbeque, five buffalo…”

“Blue cheese and Parm-Pep dressing. You want another round?”

“I do. I’m not sure about bourbon boy.”

“I think I might switch to wine. They have hummus. I love hummus, but it goes better with wine than bourbon.”

“You may want to stick with Bourbon.”

“Why Cheryl?”

“That’s not hummus.”

“It’s not? It looks like hummus.”

“It’s pureed hot dogs.”

“Whaaaaaa?”

“Yep, if you still want to switch to wine, I’d recommend red. It pairs nicely with hot dogs.”

“I’d switch to beer. Hot dogs, beer and baseball – that’s America baby.”

“Bourbon! John Howell’s Bourbon!”

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This visit to the bar is also part of Linda G. Hill’s fun prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday:

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “yule/you’ll/Yul.” Start your post with one of them. Have fun!

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