Smoked Tomato Whaaaaa? – #1LinerWeds

Humor, One Line Wed 89 comments
That is not the center of a hush puppy.
I knew this wasn’t going to be a good idea, but I was drooling over the thought of hush puppies.

I should have known better. I should have, but I have a weakness for hush puppies. And I’m an optimist. Still, I should have listened to that voice in my head that was saying: “no,dude, that’s not right.” I should have gone with my instinct to look up what, in the name of all that is holly, ‘queso menonita’ is. I should have thought harder about why they were including ‘smoked tomato espelette vinaigrette’ instead of, oh, I don’t know – BUTTER!

I should have done all that, but something inside kept saying “hush puppies.” “Hush puppies, they have hush puppies!” I saw all that other stuff, but I told myself that it was just some goofy dipping sauce and I didn’t have to use it. I told myself I could just ask for more butter – because if you order hush puppies, you’re getting some butter…right?

I asked the bartender if the hush puppies were good. I should have finished my beer and walked away when he said: “I haven’t tried them, but I’ve heard good things” cuz who wouldn’t have tried hush puppies?

I ordered them, along with a Chicken Waffle slider and a Pulled Pork slider. I’d had the pulled pork slider before – it was good. So, I expected everything else to be good. The hush puppies were a new item, and in fairness to me, we don’t see hush puppies on the menu up here in New England very often, so the desire was strong.

The hush puppies were over-cooked. I could tell, but hey, they could still be good, right? I broke one in half with my fork. What the fritter? There was stuff inside. That queso menoito stuff was inside – inside – my – hush puppies! Who does that? Nothing goes inside hush puppies. Hush puppies go all the way through. And there was no butter, but butter wouldn’t have helped. I texted the Editor. She replied: “that doesn’t look right.” I tasted one – awful! Hard crunchy thin hush puppy-like shell around gross cheesey stuff with a mashed potato consistency but none of the flavor. It was like a Tootsie-Roll Pop specifically designed to insult southern cooking.

The pulled pork slider was good. The chicken waffle slider wasn’t bad, but the waffle tasted like the frozen, toaster variety. The beer was good.

When the bartender asked how I liked my meal, I said:

“For future reference: if someone asks you if the hush puppies are good, tell them no, no they are not, not if you like hush puppies.”

I didn’t complain about the leggo-my-eggo chicken sandwich, because it was a misdemeanor compared to the capital offense of those hush puppies. He apologized and gave me a beer on the house.

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun weekly series One-Liner Wednesday. If you have a one-liner, I’d encourage you to join in on the fun. You can follow this link to participate and to see the one-liners from the other participants.

Today’s gallery is a mixed bag of photos. Some are related my recent injury. If you actually want to see the current state of that finger, you can click here. I didn’t want to put it in the gallery.

The day began with breakfast at Maddie’s.
This is how dinner began. I was feeling pretty optimistic.
Sun setting behind my beer.
I kept trying to capture the sun setting behind this beer.
Pulled pork on the right – chicken waffle slider on the left.
As soon as they were delivered, I realized there was a problem.
These guys are still blooming.
I am making progress with the macro feature.
Maddie decided that we were sitting, even though I didn’t take the cot outside with us.
It looks homemade, but it tasted like frozen.
Uh oh! Zip-ties.
Next meal out was fish & chips at my regular place.
Note: diagonal cutting pliers were used to cut those Zip-ties.
“Excuse me. I see that you’re working, but do you have any peanuts?”

89 comments

  1. Unless your hush puppies say ‘corn’ stay away! As a person who has been in the south for 48 years – take my word for it. I’ve had jalapeno puppies that almost took my head off while causing a heart attack!! I learned MY lesson the hard way too – but at least you got a free beer out of it!

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  2. First, I want the secret to your metabolism. Second, never, ever order hush puppies that don’t come with cinnamon butter. Third, and I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I liked your lines last year versus the monkey this year. He creeps me out. Love Maddie’s attempt to keep you outside – collapse and pretend to be sleeping. I’ve seen that done before, but that was usually to get out of some chore I had in mind. :-)

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    1. Ha ha – thanks. My metabolism ain’t what it used to be. I was trying to eat light for dinner (because I ate big for breakfast). I guess I succeeded by not eating most of the hush puppies (I think that’s a first for me). I think I have had them with cinnamon butter. I can handle regular butter, but not smoked tomato… Maddie just plopped on that step. It was like she was saying “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to sit.” As for the badge, I was getting pretty tired of looking at my lines. I like the monkey. I think he’s telling me I should chill a little mid-week.

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    1. Little fried balls of cornmeal goodness, designed to carry butter into your system. There are other ingredients, but none that this guy was using. Thanks Frank, I’m glad you like the close-up.

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  5. Sigh. There is a reason ‘classic’ is, well, classic. Too many chefs try to put their twist on things and it is rarely done well. Kudos for trying. Hi Maddie!

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  6. I was intrigued with hush puppies, you know… up north. I don’t eat them ’cause most people cook them in the same oil they used for the fish, and me being vegetarian…..yeah. no. Maddie looks so cute! Your macro looks super, Dan. Anything with raindrops–instant perfect shot!

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    1. Thanks Lois. I will be very careful before ordering hush puppies up here again. I might have to create a form for the chef to fill out.

      I’m working on that macro feature – No need to get up close to Maddie, Zzzzzz

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  7. There is nothing worse than coming out of the hushpuppy desert and finding something else. However you do have me wondering what ‘smoked tomatoes’ are. At least there was something cold and wet to get you through the moment.

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    1. The cold and wet part was clearly the highlight of that meal, John. The smoked tomato espelette vinaigrette was everything you might expect from a sauce that needs such an elaborate name.

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  10. Right. One minute or so after I say something over at my place I cannot see your pictures, I return here to “try” again and sure enough I see them. LOVE that green with rain macro picture, Dan. NICE! Sorry to hear your miserable experience with hush puppies. I remember hush puppies as frozen tidbits made of potatoes with a crisp coating that you cooked in the oven. Nothing like what you described. A good thing did happen though out of your misery. A free beer. 😉

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  12. Went over to see your finger. (who does that?) it looks good. All the food looks good. I don’t know why but my focus went to the rye toast on the breakfast. If the restaurant had labeled the hush puppies “fritters” they might have gotten away with it. From your years in the backcountry at WVU, you should know not to order a hush puppy from a Yankee.

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    1. You’re right John. I should have known better. All the signs were there. The finger is much improved over a few days ago, but I was reluctant to put it in the gallery.

      My preferences for toast are: The thick-cup Italian bread toast at Allegro, the sourdough bread my wife special orders, and rye/pumpernickel toast – #glutenIsNotMyEnemy

      You might be right about fritters, that covers a lot of ground. Hush Puppy is something specific.

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  13. “What the fritter?” still has me cracking up, along with “Hush puppies go all the way through.” I’ve never eaten a hush puppy, but I’m sorry these were such a catastrophe. We live and, hopefully, learn!! 😄

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    1. I’m glad you enjoyed this. If you’ve never had hush puppies, I would start in the south and look for the word traditional, or find someone who will take you to their grandma’s place for dinner.

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  14. Ok, this is freaky. As I was making my comment, it disappeared and immediately showed up as ANONYMOUS!! WTH? So let me start again…..

    “What the fritter?” still has me cracking up, along with “Hush puppies go all the way through.” I’ve never eaten a hush puppy, but I’m sorry these were such a catastrophe. We live, and hopefully, learn! 😄

    I like Maddie’s attitude….cot or no cot, we’re sitting outside. Period. End of story. Lol. Great shot of the raindrops (or dew) on the leaves. But seriously Dan, trying to catch the sunset through your beer? I hate to admit this, but it is an interesting shot!!
    🔹 Ginger 🔹

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    1. Thanks Ginger. The sunset through the beer attempts were because, in addition to everything else that was wrong, the order was very late. Two couples came in after me, ordered and were served before I got my food. Until I attempted to eat those hush puppies, my one liner was going to be “Any clue what might have happened to my dinner?” Which, of course, I fully expected to follow with “it was worth the wait…”

      Maddie cons us into sitting a lot of days. Earlier in the week, she went over to where her cot is on the porch and sat in front of it.

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  15. 😂I have no words! But they would have had a good ole fashioned Southern brawl on their hands with me. Bad enough they fill em with corn and sugar all over Florida. Glad you got a gratus beer though. Geeze. That’s like offering dark chocolate cake with white chocolate instead (not even real chocolate.) 😱Great story Dan. Bad experience. Great story.

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    1. My wife makes corn fritters with cornmeal and corn and I like them. She doesn’t call them hush puppies (and she probably wouldn’t add the corn, if not for me). And, she serves them with butter. Seriously, though, call them something else – “Gloppy fried balls of corn-encrusted goo” for example.

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  16. Dan, interesting mixed bag of topics this morning. Of course the sun (anything with sun in it) through the beer and Maddie make the post! Sorry, I’m not a foodie! Aren’t hush puppies frozen in a box? The dew drops photo, very nice! Happy Wednesday! 📚 Christine

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    1. Thanks Christine. Good hush puppies are made from scratch and a few simple ingredients (namely cornmeal). I’m glad you liked my attempt to capture the sun and the rain drops. Oh, and Maddie ;-)

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  17. You should have warned me.

    When you said, “hush puppies.” “Hush puppies, they have hush puppies!” I didn’t know this story was going to be a heart breaker. Yeah, I know, you had all kinds of foreshadowing – but seriously, for that kind of trauma, you need to post a warning.

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    1. I am sorry! I thought I gave enough of a hint, but I understand the trauma. Imagine my thoughts as that bowl of … arrived.

      I’ll be more careful next time – when I order and when I post.

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  18. Oh, Dan…this is sadness through and through. WHO MESSES WITH HUSH PUPPIES?? Or, if you decide to go all MacGyver on them then at least call them something else!
    Somehow I doubt even the free beer cleared that taste away.

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    1. Thanks for your support, Laura. For the first time in my life, I didn’t finish an order of hush puppies. I didn’t even come close. What were they thinking. Whatever they should have called these things, the words ‘hush’ and ‘puppy’ should not have been used.

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  19. Oh Dan, not the hush puppies! That is just mortally s***y… I haven’t had hush puppies in decades… (even if I could find them, my egg allergy would be in the way), but I loved them. A free beer was not enough.
    Wishing you wonderful waffles, and hullaba hush puppies. Hugs.

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    1. Thanks Teagan. I know! Hush puppies are close to sacred food. Who would say “oh I can do theses better than six generations of southern women” ??

      I hope you cruise into a nice weekend.

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  20. Those were some kinda Hush Puppy Fusion; not a “real” Hush Puppy. I think the Corn Bread thingy sounded better than the Masa Hush Puppy did.

    At my favorite Japanese place they have a Hush Puppy sort of thingy that I love! I have to have will power not to order more than the one that comes with my meal. I did it in a wasabi/goyza sauce made at the table. Miam!!

    Yes, you are getting the hang of your macro function! WOOT!

    No cot, soookay we’ll just lay down, no worries! :) Her coat looks so pretty.

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    1. Thanks Deborah. The macro feature still bugs me, but at least I know what 90% of my problem was. I’m going to try to explain that at the bar on Saturday.

      Maddie has a way of getting what she wants. She was nasty to the cats this week, so she’s in the dog house.

      I’m good with hush puppy like things. But don’t call the hush puppies.

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  21. Wow, this was an education! I haven’t had any of these items before, but then, I’m sparse on burgers or waffles in restaurants anyway (meaning, I like to make them myself, so I know what’s in “it:)”

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  23. This had me rolling “. It was like a Tootsie-Roll Pop specifically designed to insult southern cooking.” Sounds lovely said in my sarcastic Texas drawl. There is one thing you can put in hush puppies… jalapeño. Yummy.

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            2. I think it will just be the self rising cornmeal that will be a problem but I can make my own. Plenty of recipes on the interwebs for that. Oh, and the Yuengling. Not sure if we get that here but I’m pretty sure I can find a decent craft beer to replace it. This is Australia. 😊

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  28. It must be the great cultural divide, but add me to the list of people who thought “hush what?”
    I followed the link you gave MOSY and there was no recipe that I could see. I’m assuming it is a cross between a doughnut and a biscuit?

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    1. Sorry Joanne, I guess these things just haven’t made it very far north yet. I sent MOSY to Cheryl to ask for a recipe. I’ll have to nudge her to post one. Hush Puppies are little fired balls of corn meal goodness. In my opinion, they are near Mac&Cheese on the comfort food scale.

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    1. This was the second time I’ve eaten there, JoAnna. The menu changed a little. Previously, they had a wider selection of sliders. They’ve only been open about a year and a half, so I guess they’re still working out the menu.

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  30. Gorgeous, gorgeous macro leaf! And, now, see, I would totally try a hushpuppy with cheesy stuff in it, but a waffle sammich? Nuh-uh. All kindsa nuh-uh all up in here. As for the text of your post, you had me laughing on a day when I pretty much didn’t feel like laughing, so I thank you muchly much for that, my friend. :)

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  31. HAH! “No, no they are not.”
    I am a fan of deconstructed this and literal that, cause foodie, but it doesn’t always work and this would be a prime example. Ugh. Seems like someone heard about corn meal in hush puppies and just ran with it. I am so sorry this happened to you. “Hush puppy goes all the way through.” Yessir. Tsk tsk tsk!

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  32. Fish and chips plate looked very delicious!
    I like hush puppies at places which serve fish. I’m surprised the east coast doesn’t regularly include them in their dinners. Unless you were out of town or out of state. . . Sorry to hear they weren’t buttery and like corn muffin balls! 😋😛

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    1. The fish and chips was excellent (but no hush puppies). I don’t know why they haven’t made their way up here. Hush puppies and a lobster roll would be soooo good.

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      1. Oh, yeah!! It is more a southern traditional add on, but for some reason fish fry dinners have them Cracker Barrel does have them and I’m not sure about other chains than Long John Silver’s! Argh, matey! 🙂

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  33. Who’d a thunk you’d strike such a cord with this All American fare? All I can say is this calls for a visit to an honest to goodness southern state fair. Time to plan the family trip ;)

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