About a week ago, Joey published a “Pant Rant” and I promised to return to this issue. The first reason I feel the need to circle back, is because I get this general uneasy feeling when the women bloggers start talking about pants, bloating, undergarments in general and bras in particular, and sitting on the potty – ALL OF WHICH Joey talked about. When I click inside the comment box on those posts, I start to sweat, because the chance of me saying something stupid, or something that would cause the Mister (Joey’s Mister) to grab a bat and come looking for me are pretty high. Heck, Joey’s Mister was a Marine – don’t need a bat.
A long time ago, I would have read Joey’s post, smiled and moved on like I didn’t see it. Like I was busy. But a series of lingerie posts by Sammy cured me of that habit. Sammy taunted me into commenting. How many of us remember Sammy? Do we still want Sammy to return to WordPress? Since this post is heading toward the thin line between respectfully funny and sacrilegious, can I get an Amen to Sammy’s return to WordPress?
I know this is ONE-Liner Wednesday, but I have more than one line. I usually have more than one line, but I may go way over the line today. There are a bunch of one-liners coming – take your pick. I had one in mind, but lots more jumped on board my train
wreck of thought, and now it’s off the rails and moving through the fields toward a canyon.
You see, women complain about clothing and fashion and shoes and undergarments; but women bring/brought this on themselves. I’m pretty sure women’s fashion issues date back to Eve. In fact, I’m guessing Adam was all: “I don’t see why we can’t stay naked” and Eve was thinking: “I need shoes to go with this fig leaf.” In addition, right after God said to the snake:
“On your belly will you go, and dust you will eat, all the days of your life. And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed. He will crush your head, and you will strike his heel…”
“…and if you strike at my heel, I’ll put this stiletto right through your dust eating face you little varmint.“
Years ago, I wrote about the fact that it’s easier for men to shop for clothes. In the first place, our sizes match our body – I wear 38w 34l – those numbers have changed with the location of what I consider my waist to be, but my suits, my Dockers, my jeans and my undergarments are 38w. I am also relatively certain this goes back to the Garden as well. In fact, I think there was probably a conversation like (you can guess who’s speaking):
“Is that what you’re wearing?”
“That ratty old fig leaf. Is that what you’re wearing tonight?”
“I like this fig leaf, it’s my favorite.”
“It’s torn, and the bottom is wrinkled – you look like a hobo.”
“I don’t think it’s that bad.”
“Then wear it when you’re thatching the roof. Go put on a nice one for tonight.”
“That looks like the same fig leaf.”
“I picked a bunch of identical ones last week. “
No offense to any women readers was intended, and please remember that The Editor doesn’t proofread One-Liner Wednesdays. Since Adam and Eve weren’t on Facebook, I don’t have any pictures from the Garden. Instead, I’m sharing a few random ones from my recent trips to the park and Hartford.
This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun weekly series One-Liner Wednesday. If you have a one-liner, I’d encourage you to join in on the fun. You can follow this link to find the instructions and to see the one-liners from the other participants.