Ask anybody that knows me well and they will agree that I have a knack for saying the wrong thing. Perhaps it’s the right thing at the wrong moment, perhaps it was intended to be a good thing and just came out wrong, but perhaps it was just the wrong thing altogether. I’d like to say that I’m getting a bad rap, that things are being mis-heard, misunderstood or that people are being overly sensitive, but…
Last Sunday, our daughter Faith and my brother and I attended the Steeler football game in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh lost to Kansas City. That was bad enough. Worse, our seats were on the sunny side of the stadium. Worse yet, it was sunny. We baked through four quarters of ups and downs, backs and forths, and not enough yards to move the score in our favor. You would think that, if the Steelers didn’t want to win bad enough for themselves, they could have thought about us poor fans melting in the bleachers.
As we walked back to the hotel, we were talking about the shower we needed to wash the sweat, not to mention the stink of that game away and how we wanted to drive away from the city for dinner. The night before, after a Pitt football win, all the area restaurants were packed. We didn’t want to deal with a crowd, especially a miserable crowd and we certainly didn’t want to sit near celebrating Chiefs fans – they were entitled, but we didn’t want to hear it.
An hour or so later, cool, clean and composed, we headed out to a Mediterranean restaurant in the town my brother and I grew up in. We didn’t think the restaurant had a liquor license, so we all ordered tea or iced tea. Then we spied the “Beer and Wine” menu. My brother thought he might like wine. I thought the same. Seeing that the wine we wanted was $8 per glass but only $26 for a bottle, I suggested that maybe a bottle was a better deal for the three of us.
Faith said: “I still don’t feel that great, I think I’ll stick with tea.”
Despite all the fatherly, loving, caring and compassionate lines that were in my head at the time, the one that made it to my mouth first was:
“Oooh, so can you be our driver?”
She laughed and agreed to be our designated driver, to which my brother said: “Bottle it is!”
This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun weekly series One-Liner Wednesday. If you have a one-liner, I’d encourage you to join in on the fun. You can follow this link to participate and to see the one-liners from the other participants.