Dan Antion

But I Haven’t Been… – #1LinerWeds

Two of our three pets, and half of the world’s squirrels that live near us seem to be playing the same game lately, the game is called:

“But I haven’t been…”

MuMu, the larger of our two cats MiMi’s sister, began this a few weeks ago by yelling at me as I was on my way into the bathroom to shower – at – 5:00 am. There are, you know, things to do, but “meewroooollllll”

“I haven’t been brushed.”

“Really, mom usually brushes you when she gets up.”

“She didn’t brush me today.”

Brush – brush – brush

“Um, MuMu, there’s no hair coming off on this brush.”

Turn – turn – turn

“Here, brush my butt,”

Not be outdone in the manipulate-the-humans department, Maddie started a new thing on Sunday. I was home alone with her when she came up to me at the table and put her head on my thigh.

I gave her a scritch.

Not what she wanted.

She walked over to her “special” bowl and bumped it with her nose. There was no food in it. There was food in her regular bowl, but she gets a special brand of food in the little bowl. The Editor normally gives her a small scoop in the morning and again in the evening. After a few more seconds of my ignoring her, she reached out with a paw and flipped the bowl over.

As I got up, she moved to the other end of the kitchen. When I got there, she walked to the pantry closet. When I opened that, she pointed her nose at “the bag.”

“Aw, did mom forget to give you your Bil-Jac?”

“She did. She forgot. I haven’t had any in days.”

I have her a scoop.

It turns out that she had had the early morning scoop. It also turns out that she tried the knock-the-bowl-over thing on The Editor a little later in the day.

And, of course, step out into the yard and a host of well-fed squirrels plead their case:

“The lady with the peanuts hasn’t been here today.”

“Are you sure?”

“Haven’t seen her. You wouldn’t happen to have any peanuts, would you?”

“I do but um, no offense, you don’t look like you’ve been starving.”

“This is just my winter coat.”

“I see.”

“Thanks.”

MiMi manages to get in the act, but it seems (to me) that she only wants her normal food, in its regular location, at its regular time – every day – without fail.

I think our training has been successful. By that, I mean we have successfully been trained.

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun weekly series One-Liner Wednesday. If you have a one-liner, I’d encourage you to join in on the fun. You can follow this link to participate and to see the one-liners from the other participants.

“I think I asked you to brush me.”
“I haven’t been brushed in weeks. I can’t remember the last time.”
“Thanks! Got it.”
“Hi Maddie”
Short walk in the rain requires some recovery time.
“Mmmmm, I like my Bil-Jac”
We got caught in the rain. I dried her head first – as ordered.
Nap time.
“Seriously, the lady didn’t have any peanuts. I’m starving.”
“Brush my butt.”
“Thanks for the peanut, buddy.”
Almost the earliest sunset.
“Thanks – this peanut will hit the spot.”
“Did you toss a peanut over here. I’m looking. Oh, there it is.”
MiMi likes to curl up in the cradle sometimes.
“I don’t recall leaving a wake-up call for today.”
Do NOT wake kitty. By order of MiMi.

65 comments

  3. haha. The amount of food put out for the squirrels determines a lot for them. The extra will be stored, for the logical reason of course – it is winter, but the amount of food available also determines how many babies will be born. If a squirrel has too many babies for the amount of food in its territory, she will store it in the nest for the little ones and then leave to find a new territory. BOY, talk about sacrificing for your kids, eh?
    You take care of so many animals, can you help my drunken reindeer? he stayed too long at the Christmas party.

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    • The reindeer might be in danger. I slipped Santa a bottle of brandy.

      Last year, we had a bumper crop of acorns in the northeast, so there were a ton of squirrel babies. This year, Mother Nature is offering slim pickings, so we are getting more beggars than we ever had in the past. This is actually the first year that the black squirrels have come close enough to beg (and be photographed). We see them munch a few peanuts, but eventually they carry them off to store.

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  4. Ha! I wondered why Gibbs has been fairly quiet the last three mornings. He must have emailed his “But I haven’t…” over to three of your kids so he could rest a bit. And I think he gave Maddie directions in how to flip over objects when the humans don’t pay attention.

    Meanwhile…Ziva has been communicating the sleep, sleep, sleep message.

    It’s their dastardly plan to take over the world…or train us to do their bidding…

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  5. HHaha. We had a dog that got three breakfasts by appealing to first me, then my Mother and finally my Father. Innocent my . . . . Just the other day I had to stop and watch a truely obese squirrel waddle across the street. I didn’t think he could climb the curb!

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    • Ha ha! It’s amazing how they figure out how to manipulate us.

      We had one squirrel this summer that had to stuff himself under the gate. He looked like he was going to get stuck.

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  7. Seriously Dan, that squirrel in the tree needs more peanuts like I need a root canal! I don’t know how he got his chunky body up that tree! Lol.

    Maddie, MiMi and MuMu play you like an old fiddle. And apparently they’ve managed to pass on their secrets to the squirrel population in the back yard. You’re doomed. Wait until you’re retired and they realize you have more time for them!

    All of us who have pets walk down this same path. And let’s face it, we love it. At least Maddie seems content to be towel-dried coming in from the rain. Not Murphy. Noooooo. She has to be dried with hair dryer.

    Apparently it’s a prerequisite of being a pet owner that WE’RE well trained!!
    🔹 Ginger 🔹

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    • Oh my goodness, no! No hair dryer, please Ginger, don’t suggest that to Maddie. I don’t even use a hair dryer (I’ve been combing with a towel for many years). I’m not sure Maddie would like the noise, but she can’t stand having a wet head.

      Some of the squirrels are on the thin side. Others, not so much. Some can crawl through the chain link fence. This guy has to go up and over. At least the exercise is good for him.

      As for MiMi and MuMu, they do seem to have our number when it comes to getting the attention they want.

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  8. MiMi and MuMu are a riot! ‘Brush my butt’–totally cracked me up! It think the word ‘subtle’ never makes it into the vocabulary of animals. Good gosh, Dan, we don’t want people to talk about ‘the skinny squirrels over in Dan’s yard’ now, do we?

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    • Thansk Lois. MuMu does that almost every morning. She turns around and shoves her tail-end toward me. So much for master of the castle. We do have a few skinny squirrels. this guy isn’t one of them.

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  9. It’s amazing that our pets can “lie”. Our dog Benji gets a treat when he poops outside. Many times he comes rushing in, all excited looking for a treat when he hasn’t pooped. He just wants the treat! :)

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  11. Who knew pets could be so conniving? Not me! Diva Dog tries the ” I haven’t been fed in days!” to both He-Man and me all the time so, we ask each other if Diva Dog got her food or treat before giving her one. Oh, she’s pitiful…crying and whining and leading you to her bowl all the way carrying on about how she hasn’t been fed in days! 😃

    Brush my butt was hilarious! Too early in the day at 5 a.m. but hilarious.

    Hopefully, since it’s a new thing over there and you and the Editor are on to them they’ll stop doing it soon.

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  12. We constantly get the “I haven’t been fed and I’m starving” look. I swear the dog simply doesn’t remember that she was fed just 5 minutes ago. After all, if the food’s not in her bowl now, it must not have ever been there.

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  13. Dan, so you’re a member of the well-trained pet owners club, too. (chuckling) Those animals, sorry, fur babies, try and usually succeed to get what they want, when they want it. Why not a little harmless spoiling, they’re not with us as long as we’d like them to be. Love Maddie, MiMi, MuMu, and Sammy’s photos. 😽🐶🐿 Christine

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  18. Am getting the feeling your pets keep you running? I’m so glad that when our kids wanted a pet, I was too busy and told them, you can have one – when you’re on your own:)

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  22. This is too funny! Our cats always try to convince me they haven’t had their morning feed, EVEN IF I’M THE ONE WHO FED THEM. Mom’s dog used to beg at the table. When she would say NO, he would walk away and come back on her other side and beg again. She said he was pretending he was a different dog. I love MuMu demanding…I mean requesting to be brushed. What a princess!

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  24. This absolutely cracked me up, because it is so relatable. Sometimes our cats get fed dinner or supper twice because one of us isn’t sure someone else fed them. I suspect they’ve trained us, too. If others are around, we ask. “Cats cryin like they dyin, anyone feed them?” Usually YES.
    The dog, not so muches. Poor thing’s always out of water, diggin for it in her bowl. Bless. She has two bowls, but she has to share with the felines and you know how they are, never complain for water, having drank all hers.

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  25. Trying to catch up…sorry late to arrive on this…had to laugh…I think all of us with pets live this routine…one of our Maine Coons decides the way to let you know their bowl is low on food is to lick your face at 3:00AM….

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  26. It must be the time of year. Theo too has been … shall we say, “challenging” the past couple of weeks. It’s quite remarkable how they can communicate what they want. Sometimes I’m pretty sure the expression on his face says ‘good grief this human is dense’ 😆

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