A Disassembled Screw-up – #SoCS

Current Events, Humor, If having a beer, SoCS, Technology 85 comments
In honor of Barb
In honor of Pauline

If you’ve been to the No Facilities bar before, you won’t be surprised to find a good fit between our two main characters and Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt:

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is ‘critic(al).’ Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”

If we were having a beer, you would be gloating a bit.

“What model phone is that?”

“It’s an iPhone seven.”

“Seven?”

“Yes, seven.”

“Seven? A Rum Rambler? Seven-Shooter? How about an Absolut Screw-up?”

“We’re not talking about drinks with Seven-Up, Cheryl.”

“Oh. OK Dan, what are you drinking – this isn’t a library, you know?”

“Did I see you slicing some limes as I came in?”

“You did. Do you want me to drown one in a Corona?”

“I do.”

“How about you? I’d say, ‘old man’ but I’m not sure who’s paying, so I better mind my manners.”

“Given whom I’m drinking with, an Absolut Screw-up sounds appropriate. What’s in that?”

“Seven-Up, Absolut Vodka and Orange Juice.”

“I don’t want to be critical, but it seems a waste to dilute the Absolut.”

“How about a Martini with Seven-up on the side instead of seltzer?”

“You know, Cheryl, that might be a nice twist.”

“Twist? You want that with a twist?”

“How about a slice of orange.”

“Sure! A disassembled Screw-up.”

“Perfect! Now, where were we?”

“You seemed like you were about to make fun of my phone.”

“I was just noting that you’re carrying an iPhone seven when Apple is selling tens.”

“Said the man who ‘doesn’t want to be critical’ but who’s using a Consumer Cellular phone.”

“Ha ha, yes, but I have something you don’t have.”

“Yes, but I have something he needs, Corona, frosted glass and a fresh cut lime.”

“I do need that. Now what is it you have, old man?”

“No good manners for you?”

“You’re not giving me a tip.”

“Oh, but I am.”

“Hey, nobody gets tips around here but me. Here’s your Absolut Martini, with orange slice, Seven-up and ice on the side.”

“Thank you, Cheryl. I’m not giving my young friend money, but I’m putting him onto something valuable.”

“Well, I have to check the lounge. You carry on with your gift-giving.”

“What exactly is it that you’re giving me?”

“Information.”

“About…?”

“Information.”

“You said that.”

“No, I’m giving you information about information. Specifically, on how you can get information faster.”

“You have my attention, go on.”

“I’ve read that the hottest thing out there is something called Five-G.”

“That’s correct.”

“Well, if you’re smart like me, you can get a Five-G modem from Comcast.”

“Doubtful.”

“Why not?”

“One, I don’t have Comcast, I have Cox. Two you didn’t get a Five-G modem from Comcast.”

“Yes, I did – it says Five-G right on the case.”

“That stands for Five-gigahertz Wi-Fi – not Five-G cellular.”

“I don’t understand.”

“So, now it’s my turn to not be critical, but you don’t understand. However, it’s not your fault.”

“Whose fault is it?”

“Comcast’s, Verizon’s, A T and T’s, T-Mobil’s, Sprint’s, the list goes on.”

“OK, explain. And take pity on a man who is both your elder and paying for that Corona.”

“Actually, that, I mean this Corona is empty.”

“Did I hear ‘empty Corona?’ I can fix that.”

“Thanks Cheryl.”

“Anyway, as I was asking, please clear this up for me. What’s Five-G and why don’t I have it?”

“Five-G cellular is (will be) technically Five-G NR.”

“N R?”

“That stands for ’nother round, as in here’s your Corona, Dan. How ‘bout you, would you like another Absolut?”

“I think I’m going to need it, thanks, Cheryl.”

“Five-G NR is the next, (and the fifth) generation cellular wireless service.”

“Do I have that?”

“No.”

“Do you?”

“No – it’s not available in this part of the country and probably won’t be until twenty-twenty.”

“I’m confused.”

“Comcast, and all those other guys want you to be confused. A T and T is actually selling a phone that shows a little Five-G logo on it. But, like this old iPhone, it receives a Four-G LTE cellular signal.”

“Then how can they say it’s Five-G?”

“They say the ‘Five-G just means it’s a faster phone.’ They say that when they actually offer a true Five-G phone, it will have a ‘Five-G NR’ logo.”

“That’s unfair.”

“Sprint and Verizon think so, too. In fact, they’re suing A T and T over that.”

“So, if my new cable modem’s not Five-G, what is it?”

“It’s a Five-gigahertz Wi-Fi modem. It is faster than the modem you had, which probably was two-point-four-gigahertz.”

“How many gigahertz do you have?”

“Five.”

“So, there’s nothing special about five?”

“Maybe not, but there’s something special about seven – here’s your Seven-up, your Absolut, another orange slice and a little more ice.”

“Cheryl, you’re the only one saying anything I understand today.”

Note: Sorry for the gobbledygook in the post today, but there are a lot of companies trying to cash in on the hype for the upcoming release of 5g Cellular. If someone tries to sell you a 5g phone, be wary – there are only a few cities with 5g networks and there will only be a few 5g-capable phones released this year. Cable modems send out a Wi-Fi signal at either 2.4Ghz or 5Ghz – both of which will be picked up by your laptop’s or your phone’s Wi-Fi antennae. In both cases (cellular and Wi-Fi) faster isn’t necessarily better – more to come on that.

Cheryl is over here today.

This is from the road above the park. It’s closed due to ice.
That’s ice – a nice slide into the river – no, I didn’t go into the park.
We haven’t had a lot of snow, but it’s been an interesting winter.
This was far enough. The path is clear, but still…
Wake up Hartford!
CT River – cold water.
Hi Maddie
MuMu
clearing snow and ice as the sun tries to break through.
Walking safely today.
Miss Maddie
Corona, frosted glass, lime.
Fresh cut lime.
Red sky at morning.
Clear and bright sunset

85 comments

  5. AAArrrggghhhh! I am so NOT of this technological world. Well, I am, but I don’t understand it. I like the word gobbledygook, that I understand. I have a cell phone that makes phone calls and takes really good pictures. The rest it can do but I don’t. I am a Luddite wanna be!

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    1. “Luddite wanna be!” – I love that. As long as you can do the things you want to do, Pam, you’re good. These companies are cashing in on our “need” to have the latest and greatest, even when we don’t need it and sadly, even when it doesn’t exist yet.

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  6. LOL – I shall return to learn more, thank you for the educational SoCS! I’m not too sad to admit it, but I have an SE, what number, no clue? But I’m pretty sure it’s outdated. LOL! PS, Your beer was missing the chaser of chips?!

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      1. You’re right, if it works keep it! I saw that, thank you for sharing the link. I know exactly how Mary feels, it’s not easy saying goodbye to a mom and the journey with dementia. Thank you for pushing KitKats for her, your kindness is heartwarming.

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  8. I love this part. So skillfully written. The NR bit.

    “Five-G cellular is (will be) technically Five-G NR.”

    “N R?”

    “That stands for ’nother round, as in here’s your Corona, Dan. How ‘bout you, would you like another Absolut?”

    For me these are some of the gems of reading a work of fiction. The way Cheryl chips in with the new meaning of NR. I had to laugh.

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment, Peter! I am always glad to hear when these things resonate with a reader. I was really trying to avoid a long boring technical stretch (which would be so easy for me to write).

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  10. Lol. I have my granddaughters old cell phone from when she was probably 12 years old. She’s almost 23 now! The only time I even touch it is to put it in my purse when we go out in case of an emergency. Works for me! 📞☎️📱

    Really like the “cleats”…..very functional.

    Beautiful photos in the park picking up those reflections. Love the shot from behind the plastic guard on your snowblower. Maddie and MuMu sure know how to stay warm and comfy, and no doubt MiMi wasn’t budging from the fire.

    Rain is next on the menu. Maddie might not get many, if any, walks in because it will be one huge mess outside and really slippery. Murphy will not be a happy camper either. Hugs and belly rubs to the 3 M’s.

    🐾Ginger 🐾

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    1. Thanks Ginger. If your phone meets your needs, it’s a fine phone. Maddie had a bad night, so she’s pretty tired today. I’m guessing we won’t be walking, although it might be our only chance this weekend, so, maybe…

      Everyone here will get their scritches and rubs. I hope Murphy gets hers (poor neglected pups…yeah, right).

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  11. I think everything any phone company does is designed to a) confuse and b) take your money. It’s like Apple has put a worldwide Confundus charm on its inhabitants with a large dose of Stupefy mixed in (see Harry Potter, the movies..ALL of them, not just the exciting ones) I thank God for my hubs every day for his tenacity in research before buying major things. I curse him for reading hundreds of reviews before going out for quick pizza and beer, but I digress. It is growing nearly impossible to trust any advertising. I was interested in that new electric toothbrush on tv. Compact. Delivered to your door. Read on. They want a contract with predetermined delivery of their replaceable heads and their own toothpaste. Plus! They will remind you when its time to get to the dentist and give sales incentives to go! I can’t wait till there’s a little alarm that goes off in your head, saying “breathe in, breathe out, breathe in”. Wait. I think I heard a Dumb Blonde Joke like that back in the 80’s…
    I mean, The Jetsons was a fun cartoon, but I don’t want anything yanking me from bed and denying me my right to snooze…
    Those last two images are brilliant. Hi Miss Maddie! Thanks for the shoutout. Funny, I was having Absolut orange and Elderflower tonic just last night.

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    1. Either you or I was picking up the Absolut vibe circulating in the atmosphere. Your hubs is right to do the research, these things aren’t always what they seem, and the reviews can be bought and sold as well as shoveled (as in, horse…). Companies, news organizations, political parties – they all want us to be uninformed and scared, and they all want our money. They want that more than anything! Thanks for the comment and the warning about that toothbrush.

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      1. I think I’ll take that new phone extortion money and go South again. 😏 Reallly South. PS love the portable snowshoe cleats. Like tire chains for your shoes! We just fell into a new scam that has him in a tizzy. He got a Sports Illustrated magazine with his name on the label that of course we never ordered. Apparently it’s a scam to loop you into impossible cancellation and bad credit reporting. 🙄

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        1. These people (scam artists and scammy companies) should be hauled in front of an honest judge. You can go south, as long as you can still make your shift behind the bar – as I’ve been told, “this isn’t a library.” :-)

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    1. The spikes help a lot, John. I just hope we don’t need them again on Monday. Our daughter hikes in the winter and she bought us a set of the ones she wears.

      These guys cashing in on pure hype, with no substance behind it really grinds my gears.

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  18. Okay I went on a hunt for the 5g modem without even reading all the way through. We need a new modem and I thought, “If Dan Says so, even if he is drinking at the bar….” So what Modem should I buy? I am sticking with my old phone until it dies. And also, the critic in me sides with Cheryl… waste of Absolut.

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    1. If your cable internet provider offers high speed options, get one that supports 2.4 and 5ghz on SEPARATE channels. That way, older, slower devices won’t drag the speed down for devices that can use the higher speed.

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  20. As someone who cares not about the newest and fastest, I was happy to read “faster isn’t necessarily better.” I just got a new phone when my old one broke. I think the new one is a seven cause it was less expensive and sounded like all I needed. The lights are beautiful in your photos and of course Maddie is always beautiful. Cool chains on the boots.

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    1. Thanks JoAnna. Our daughter got us the Micro Spikes for Christmas last year. They work really well (when I remember to put them on). With Apple charging $1,000 for their latest and greatest phones, I seriously don’t need one. Mine does what I need it to do – I’m good.

      I’ll be losing the nighttime reflections pretty soon, as the sun is rising earlier. Then they’ll be back when DST starts, then gone for good.

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  21. I keep my husband around for tech information as perhaps does The Editor. :-) I have an iPhone 6s, an upgrade from my 5s, both of which work well and have good cameras, one of my main concerns. However, I enjoyed, as always, your witty dialogue and the photos. Enjoy the weekend!

    janet

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    1. Thanks Janet. I think my wife has a 6 of some sort. These phones are fine. I have no intention of upgrading just because I’m eligible for a new phone, as AT&T keeps reminding me. I’m glad you like the dialog. I thought about writing this as a straight post, and it got very boring, very fast,

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    1. Ha! Something is always around the corner, Dan. Next time, it’s gonna be a bus. These things just don’t offer (what I consider to be) compelling reasons to upgrade. I don’t need the higher speed or the larger amounts of data. When I do, I’ll upgrade. For now, I need another beer.

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  23. We have sixes. Maybe we have six esses and the girls have sixes. I don’t know, I just know they’re all four six somethings. I know they are the most expensive electronic items we’ve ever owned which makes me a little bit mad. I’d like to know what the markup is, but I’m probably better off not knowing. I don’t know anything about Gs in the way you have tried to elucidate us here. Of course, I find you a reputable source of such information and trust that you know your subject. Truth in advertising has never been truth. It seems this one is being called out and I support that.
    I used to drink martinis just about exclusively. I never did care for screwdrivers, or screw ups. I like my orange juice straight and neat.

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    1. Ha ha – no sense wasting good OJ. 6/6s are fine. I think that’s what the Editor is using. It was the last model with a wired headset, which she likes – no bluetooth for her. I can deal with a certain lack of truth in advertising, lies of ommission, but outright lies p*ss me off ‘cuz they know what they’re doing and they’re trying to take advantage of people who don’t know. Thanks for taking a few min of your Saturday to visit/comment.

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      1. Yes, one of the kids’ friendlets has the X without a headphone hole. Seems very fussy, easy for teens to lose the things.
        It’s always a pleasure to meet you at the figurative bar :)

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  24. We have Cox cable and I do have Consumer Cellular as my phone plan. So much cheaper than AT&T. Not sure if this is what you were talking about….I got lost in the drinks and 5G thing…. KitKat…very nice touch, Dan. I wish Mary would see this.

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  26. Tried to leave a comment earlier and had the hardest time –
    But now it is happening –
    And in your post I loved the play on words like with the twist – too and NR
    (‘nother round) ha
    And pics the Dan trademark – the ending tree one is my fav – nice one of end with

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  27. Your timing is perfect. The kidlet recently told us he has 5 GE cellular and Samsung is so much better and we need to get rid of our iPhones. He was joking and sarcastic but whadda we know? I read this to him and all he says is busted. Lol. He does not have 5G as that is the next, next generation or some such nonsense. Thanks to this post he had to come clean.

    As always, I love the gallery. Happy Saturday Dan!

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  28. Another scam will be the 5Ge networks, which is not 5G either. Since true 5G does not carry very far or penetrate much at all, out here in the rural areas we might see 4Ge which uses the faster switching of 5G (lower latency) but will not carry the same bandwidth.

    I would be surprised to see true 5G working on much of the interstate system because they will have to put up a tower every two miles.

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  29. I honestly have no idea which phone I have. I know it’s either a 6 or 7, but no clue how to tell. I think the cell phone industry, along with cable TV, is one of the biggest scams out there. And I fall for it every time. It’s like we are brain washed.

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  30. I’m back again after the disappearing act. Phew. Work Work Work. This was an interesting post. Technically, India is always behind (the Asian super power talk is all bull*hit). Yes, Mumbai and some other metro cities have 4G but the rest of us are on 3G. I am on 3G still. I believe every time a new technology comes in these companies try to cash in on that. You should check out the new LG G8 ThinQ mobile phone. It has certain features that right now looks gimmicky but who knows that might be a standard in years to come. I generally have fun with all these sales people who try to sell me phones by exaggerating few things here and there. Earlier I used to get angry at them, but now I just smile and use my sarcasm instead.

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    1. I just saw a review of the Folding Phone from Samsung. It’s nearly $2,000 – for a phone! That’s ridiculous – there is no way I would spend that much money on a phone, and the folding surely is a gimmick.

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      1. You know, Dan, sometimes I just miss having that tiny phone diary in my pocket that has all those phone numbers. I miss that old black telephone at my dad’s store which I would keep fingering. I understand technology has made life convenient, but in it has robbed us in many ways.

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  31. Love the pics….love the shoes for ice…brilliant!! Here on the west coast we just keep getting cold rain storms week after week….need the water so no complaints. Already feeling the brr ahead of us next week in the Iowa…..

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  33. Pingback: Butterflies and Snow Blowers – #SoCS – No Facilities

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