A Disassembled Screw-up – #SoCS

If you’ve been to the No Facilities bar before, you won’t be surprised to find a good fit between our two main characters and Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt:

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is ‘critic(al).’ Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”

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If we were having a beer, you would be gloating a bit.

“What model phone is that?”

“It’s an iPhone seven.”

“Seven?”

“Yes, seven.”

“Seven? A Rum Rambler? Seven-Shooter? How about an Absolut Screw-up?”

“We’re not talking about drinks with Seven-Up, Cheryl.”

“Oh. OK Dan, what are you drinking – this isn’t a library, you know?”

“Did I see you slicing some limes as I came in?”

“You did. Do you want me to drown one in a Corona?”

“I do.”

“How about you? I’d say, ‘old man’ but I’m not sure who’s paying, so I better mind my manners.”

“Given whom I’m drinking with, an Absolut Screw-up sounds appropriate. What’s in that?”

“Seven-Up, Absolut Vodka and Orange Juice.”

“I don’t want to be critical, but it seems a waste to dilute the Absolut.”

“How about a Martini with Seven-up on the side instead of seltzer?”

“You know, Cheryl, that might be a nice twist.”

“Twist? You want that with a twist?”

“How about a slice of orange.”

“Sure! A disassembled Screw-up.”

“Perfect! Now, where were we?”

“You seemed like you were about to make fun of my phone.”

“I was just noting that you’re carrying an iPhone seven when Apple is selling tens.”

“Said the man who ‘doesn’t want to be critical’ but who’s using a Consumer Cellular phone.”

“Ha ha, yes, but I have something you don’t have.”

“Yes, but I have something he needs, Corona, frosted glass and a fresh cut lime.”

“I do need that. Now what is it you have, old man?”

“No good manners for you?”

“You’re not giving me a tip.”

“Oh, but I am.”

“Hey, nobody gets tips around here but me. Here’s your Absolut Martini, with orange slice, Seven-up and ice on the side.”

“Thank you, Cheryl. I’m not giving my young friend money, but I’m putting him onto something valuable.”

“Well, I have to check the lounge. You carry on with your gift-giving.”

“What exactly is it that you’re giving me?”

“Information.”

“About…?”

“Information.”

“You said that.”

“No, I’m giving you information about information. Specifically, on how you can get information faster.”

“You have my attention, go on.”

“I’ve read that the hottest thing out there is something called Five-G.”

“That’s correct.”

“Well, if you’re smart like me, you can get a Five-G modem from Comcast.”

“Doubtful.”

“Why not?”

“One, I don’t have Comcast, I have Cox. Two you didn’t get a Five-G modem from Comcast.”

“Yes, I did – it says Five-G right on the case.”

“That stands for Five-gigahertz Wi-Fi – not Five-G cellular.”

“I don’t understand.”

“So, now it’s my turn to not be critical, but you don’t understand. However, it’s not your fault.”

“Whose fault is it?”

“Comcast’s, Verizon’s, A T and T’s, T-Mobil’s, Sprint’s, the list goes on.”

“OK, explain. And take pity on a man who is both your elder and paying for that Corona.”

“Actually, that, I mean this Corona is empty.”

“Did I hear ‘empty Corona?’ I can fix that.”

“Thanks Cheryl.”

“Anyway, as I was asking, please clear this up for me. What’s Five-G and why don’t I have it?”

“Five-G cellular is (will be) technically Five-G NR.”

“N R?”

“That stands for ’nother round, as in here’s your Corona, Dan. How ‘bout you, would you like another Absolut?”

“I think I’m going to need it, thanks, Cheryl.”

“Five-G NR is the next, (and the fifth) generation cellular wireless service.”

“Do I have that?”

“No.”

“Do you?”

“No – it’s not available in this part of the country and probably won’t be until twenty-twenty.”

“I’m confused.”

“Comcast, and all those other guys want you to be confused. A T and T is actually selling a phone that shows a little Five-G logo on it. But, like this old iPhone, it receives a Four-G LTE cellular signal.”

“Then how can they say it’s Five-G?”

“They say the ‘Five-G just means it’s a faster phone.’ They say that when they actually offer a true Five-G phone, it will have a ‘Five-G NR’ logo.”

“That’s unfair.”

“Sprint and Verizon think so, too. In fact, they’re suing A T and T over that.”

“So, if my new cable modem’s not Five-G, what is it?”

“It’s a Five-gigahertz Wi-Fi modem. It is faster than the modem you had, which probably was two-point-four-gigahertz.”

“How many gigahertz do you have?”

“Five.”

“So, there’s nothing special about five?”

“Maybe not, but there’s something special about seven – here’s your Seven-up, your Absolut, another orange slice and a little more ice.”

“Cheryl, you’re the only one saying anything I understand today.”

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Note: Sorry for the gobbledygook in the post today, but there are a lot of companies trying to cash in on the hype for the upcoming release of 5g Cellular. If someone tries to sell you a 5g phone, be wary – there are only a few cities with 5g networks and there will only be a few 5g-capable phones released this year. Cable modems send out a Wi-Fi signal at either 2.4Ghz or 5Ghz – both of which will be picked up by your laptop’s or your phone’s Wi-Fi antennae. In both cases (cellular and Wi-Fi) faster isn’t necessarily better – more to come on that.

Cheryl is over here today.