A Snifter of Irony – #SoCS

After a two days of clearing snow, this weekend snuck up on me. Oh well, I made it to the bar, and David and I are facing our nemesis as we try to deal with Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt:

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is ‘key.’ Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”

If we were having a beer, you’d be enjoying a laugh at my situation.


“Hi Dan. Is that your car in the upper lot today?”

“Yeah, the hotel shuttle was blocking the lower lot again.”

“Your car looks pretty clean. Did you drive it through a car wash for this occasion?”

“No, they washed it at the dealership.”

“Why were you…uh oh.”

“Good afternoon gentlemen. Would you like to see our drink specials?”

“Thank you, no, Skippy. Dan and I would like our usual beverages.”

“OK, so that’s a Coors and some fancy Bourbon.”

“Corona, Brad, I would like a Corona.”

“Oh. I seem to remember serving you Coors.”

“You served me a Coors a few weeks ago, but I wanted a Corona then, just like I do now.”

“No problem. And what was that bourbon you drink? John something?”

“John Howell’s bourbon. It’s well known around here, as John Howell recommended it to the regular bartender.”

“But it’s really Willett Reserve, Brad. David just calls it John Howell’s.”

“Kinda like he calls me Skippy.”

“No, when I call Willett Reserve John Howell’s bourbon, there’s no disrespect intended.”

“But when you…I get it. No problem, I’ll be right back.”

“That was a little harsh, David.”

“Wait until he brings you a Coors.”

“Well, one thing’s for sure, you ain’t getting no cherries.”

Caddyshack? Again?”

“I love that movie.”

“OK guys, your beer, your bourbon and I believe you also like a snifter of water on the side.”

“Seltzer, I like a snifter of seltzer and a glass of ice. And I think Dan is looking for his lime wedge.”

“Well, I got the important stuff.”

“Not as bad as I thought, but…Anyway Dan, why were you at the dealership?”

“There was a recall, but I also had them do the first scheduled service.”

“Whoa, whoa, your car already has a recall?”

“Yes.”

“Did the car need the service already?”

“The service is due at seventy-five hundred miles. I think that’s too long for an oil change.”

“How many miles did you have?”

“Five-thousand. But it’s actually better to change the oil at five-thousand than over seven-thousand.”

“Better for the dealer.”

“And the car. If the oil gets sludgy, it affects the oil pressure. The car’s computer uses oil pressure to determine the engine’s running parameters.”

“I’ll take your word for that. What was the recall all about?”

“The car’s computer needed an upgrade.”

“HA!”

“What’s so funny?”

“Here you are, recently retired after forty-plus years writing computer programs and messing around with technology and your new car needs a computer upgrade.”

“I guess that’s ironic.”

“I’d say hysterical, or perhaps appropriate payback, depending on where you sit.”

“Speaking of where we sit, where’s Brad?”

“Skippy!”

“I’m sorry, do you guys need another round already?”

“No, but we’d like the first round to be completed. You know, lime wedge, seltzer, ice…”

“Oh, I forgot.”

“He’s hopeless, Dan.”

“I think he’s pulling your chain, David.”

“You mean he’s doing this on purpose?”

“Do you think he could really be this bad?”

“Here you go. A wedge of lime for that Corona, a snifter of seltzer and a glass of ice.”

“Thanks Brad. Do you think you could cut this lime in half, there’s no way it’s going in the bottle.”

“I can get it in.”

“Geeze Louise, now I have lime juice in my bourbon and in my eye.”

“Sorry, but I got it in the bottle.”

“Thanks Brad.”

“No problem.”

“No problem? Just for the record, Skippy, I think lime juice in my eye IS a problem.”

“Have it your way. Let me know when you need another round.”

“You know, David, I think he meant to say, ‘have it your way, boomer’ .”

“Yeah, I got that. Speaking of boomer things, are those your keys?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Your new car has the Start Button?”

“Yes.”

“How do you like that?”

“I miss the key. I mean the button works fine, but I have to keep the fob in my pocket or I leave it in the car.”

“You probably still miss vent windows – I think that’s called the price of progress, Dan.”

“I do miss vent windows. And with the fob in my pocket, I keep bumping into things and ‘pressing’ the button that sounds the horn.”

“So now you’re that guy.”

“I am, David. I am that guy.”

“When you took your car to the dealer, did you have breakfast at Maddie’s?”

“I did.”

“Did you stop at Great River Park?”

“Of course.”

“Did you meet your old Dunkin Donut’s crew and walk for coffee?”

“In fact, I did.”

“Ready to go back to work?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but it was nice for a day.”


Some photos from that morning and the usual suspects.

78 comments

  1. Love the ‘Mom Pen.’ In a shared kitchen, people are always looking for Mom to clean up after them. :-) I didn’t see any snow in these shots so I’m guessing they were ‘before’ winter officially started. Hope the sidewalks are cleared so you and Maddie get in your weekend walks. ;-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Judy. Yes, these shots were taken the week before Thanksgiving. The park is always closed for several days after snow storms. I can tell the new guy that writing with the mom-pen won’t work, but I understand his frustration. Maddie and I will test the sidewalks to see how good a job our neighbors have done.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Where’s the River Monster? Did it move? The sunrise is gorgeous!

    It went rough with Skippy today. The lime in the eye and shoving half of it in your bottle was hilarious! I can imagine what he says to Cheryl when she comes back. 🤣

    Our newest car doesn’t have a start button and I was surprised by that because when Baby Girl bought her car a month earlier hers did and we bought the same brand, different model though. It’s weird starting the car with the button. I have driven her car several times…and you still need the key or fob nearby. Might as well use the key.

    I wish the new person good luck with the “Mom note”.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have to check my other pictures, Deborah. It was dark, but maybe they pulled the River Monster out of the water.

      Skippy carries the burden of every bad bartender, but he does it well. Big shoulders, I suppose.

      The Start button is weird. What I find annoying is the fact that it makes it hard to step away while the car is running. I pulled in our driveway the other day, and I just wanted to give a package to my wife. I tried to meet her at the door, but I had to either shut the car off or leave the fob in the car. It’s a pain when you want to start the car and then clear off some snow or frost. This is one of those things that is cheaper/better for the car companies (supports self-driving cars) than it is for the consumer. But, I guess it’s the future.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Cars are the least of my problems right now as I continue to wade through computer replacement and file recovery.

    However I admit I’m not a huge fan of the button starters. Once upon a time I always knew where the key was – in the ignition. Now it seems I’m always playing hide-and-seek with the fob, having to rifle through pockets and my purse to find it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish you luck in recovering the lost photos and files, Joanne. That sounds like a daunting task.

      What to do with the fob seems to be the problem. A lot of people around here have been leaving them in the car, and then having their cars stolen as a result.

      Like

  4. I recently had to move the car of a friend who was in the hospital and dealing with the start button was the least of my worries. Am I the only one who didn’t know that you have to step on the brake in order to make the start button start the car? Eventually I figured it out.

    I love the sunrise photos, Dan. I am going to have to find a spot where I can get a clear view of the sunrise like that, preferably over the water. They are doing some construction at my favorite wildlife refuge and the path along the water will probably be closed for months, so I will have to do some scouting anyways.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Fortunately, the dealer explained the brake thing, Mike. I did have that struggle with a rental car last year, though. Also, the proximity distance seems to change for different things. I can unlock the car with the fob from a good distance, but my daughter couldn’t unlock the door with me on the other side of the car. That would be handy (perhaps unsafe) because the passenger door unlocks all the doors, while the button on the driver’s door only unlocks that door. If I walk up and press the button on the passenger door, it works fine. I’ve owned this car for five months and I’m still learning things.

      I, too, need to find a sunrise place. I can’t always go back to this park, since it’s 15 miles in rush hour traffic.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I won’t buy a car AGAIN where opening the passenger door unlocks all the doors… and hate the one we have now which does just that.. As a woman whose had someone try to get into her car, that just doesn’t work for me. Car designers are morons when it comes to women in cars.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. My wife says the same thing, Kate. I explained that the driver’s side door doesn’t do that, it only opens itself. I don’t know if this is one of the features you can customize (there are so many) but I imagine it will be in the future.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t think Skippy is cut out for bartending. Perhaps stocking shelves in a Dollar Store!

    Pictures today are great, but I really love the “fire” one. Good to see Maddie and MiMi resting up for the long winter to come!
    Ginger

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Ginger. Skippy represents all the bad bartenders, and I have found more than my share. Some people aren’t cut out for jobs involving human interaction.

      That sky was so pretty. I was hoping to get off the highway in time to get these pictures. I was worried that I’d get stuck in traffic and miss the show.

      And yes, these girls are ready for winter.

      Like

  6. Such beautiful skyline images Dan! Skippy…..😳. It seems cruel to get to retirement and have the first event be a giant snow shoveling. Thank goodness for the motorized help. I get it about missing routines and the nice people you practically lived with for so many years. Good luck to the newbie in your shoes. You could try to tell them but….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Cheryl. I hope you enjoy your day off from virtual bar tending. The snow storm was more than I expected/wanted, but it was so good not to have to get up at 5:00 am to start clearing the driveway. I was always able to get enough of it done so that I could get to work, but a storm like this would have meant leaving a good chunk for after I got home. That always made for a very long day.

      The new guy in the office will soon discover that people don’t read notes, either. One guy once tossed a tea bag in the sink while I was standing there. I said, “do you do that at home?” He said, “yep, that’s what my wife is for.” There’s no fixing that with a note. I tried to embarrass him the next time, by taking a picture of the tea bag and sending an email around saying how inconsiderate it was. It didn’t stop him.

      Like

  7. LOL – Will Skippy ever get it right? I stay tuned to find out. I love it that you went back to your old work site and noticed the note about the dishes. So why didn’t you scribble a reminder back, “This won’t work”?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you keep coming back, Shelley. The new guy will soon discover that his is a thankless job, and that the reason this behavior bothers him is because he wants “his” kitchen to make a better statement about the company. Some others don’t share that feeling, and that’s why they weren’t picked for the job. I wish him luck.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Dan–I loved everything about this post! Soon as I saw the word ‘nemesis’ I knew Skippy was gonna be tending bar. Oooh, David was a bit harsh, but then…..Skippy. I love my fob. Really I do. Only problem I had was when I left the car parked for about a week, unstarted, and tried to start it up again. I had to press REAL HARD on the brake to get the car started. I felt like the pedal wouldn’t depress. Dealer told me it would, and it did. And I was. But I try to not let the car sit idle for more than about 3 days before I start if up again. This, when I take a long weekend off and husband drive us around in his car. Good luck to the new ‘mom’ guy in the office. Yeah, that’s not gonna work…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Lois. I’m glad you liked this. Skippy has his fans (a fact that always surprises me) so we have to have Skippy-stories. I’m OK with the fob, but I don’t like that the car yells at me if I start it and then try to clean the windows with the fob still in my pocket. That’s disconcerting about starting after a long period being off. I usually leave my car at the airport when I travel. I were not be traveling much, now, but I do plan to visit my brother at some point. The new kitchen guy has no chance.

      Like

  9. I miss vent windows, too. I will always miss vent windows. Wings, we called them. ~sigh~ When I volunteered at the library, there was a note in the kitchen that said, “Wash your dishes. Your mother doesn’t work here.” Of course, I had to add a sticky note that said, “Mine does.” Because she volunteered there, too.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. fobs ugh ! I have the introductory model. Fob 101. A button to flip out the key part. The thing I have noticed is the fob has the innate ability to immediately sink to the bottom of my pocket. Makes me want to do one of those posters ‘Did you change something ?’ substituting ‘Did you put the Fob in your pocket ?’ It is nice to know Skippy is dangerous.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Good Saturday morning, Dan, and thanks for the beautiful sunrise shots. I’m having a hard time seeing them, though, as I laugh at Skippy’s revenge. Good for him!

    I had a loaner car once without a key and had to have someone show me how to get it started! I agree with Deborah. Why not just use a key?

    Enjoy your weekend as much as I enjoyed this post.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

      1. (Shudders) I never thought about phones to start cars, Dan — but I expect you are right. I rebelled and held out against getting a cell phone long after everyone I knew had one. It felt like giving up independence and privacy — for whomever to just be able to call me whenever and wherever I went. LOL, now of course, I’m as dependent on them as anyone.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I like having my phone, and I appreciate all I can do with it, but I don’t like the idea of making it a component of essential processes. For all the power that they bring to the scene, they can be broken, lost, forgotten, rundown or without a signal.

          Liked by 1 person

  12. I had a rental with a push start. Was glad to get my car back with it’s key. Some very funny lines along the way in this one. Oh Skippy! lol

    Beautiful gallery and for some reason I want a coffee walk to Dunkin Donuts. Happy Saturday!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. There is something about the vroom vroom of turning the key that the younger generation will definitely miss out on. Heck, my neighbor growing up had a Model T which had to be started using a choke. All those bygone things. However I do not miss manual shifts! Never was able to shift gears smoothly on a hill!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I read an article that said one reason we have so many accidents related to distracted driving is because driving is too easy now. I had cars that were much harder to start than pushing a button. Our daughter will remember vent windows and stick shifts, but not many her age do.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Photos are great and nice way to integrate key- and those updates and recalls are such a modern things eh?
    And speaking of coors (love your humor) my sister lives in Canada and a lot of her friends love Coors banquet beer – and up at their cottage there are so many table umbrellas with cores banquet beer in that yellow – not sure why it is so popular – and we were trying to get a case at duty free to bring to them as gift and they had stacks of cases of all kinds of beer but were sold out of the coors banquet – not the silver bullet light – the yellow canned regular – puzzles me because did not think it was that good

    Like

  15. Very nice! All-dialogue stories are so hard to stop reading! Haha. Very nice back and forth with the bartender and I like how the whole story comes to us through the dialogue but naturally. It didn’t feel pushed. Excellent piece of writing, Dan!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Brad/Skippy reinforces my gratitude that I never had to wait tables or tend bar for a living. I’d have to write things on a note pad, especially if I was just filling in. I guess if I did it on a regular basis, I’d get better at it. But still thankful.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Applesauce! Skippy is in rare form today, in the worst way. I wonder if you’re leading up to him having a meltdown. He’ll be throwing beers and cherries, breaking snifters, and squirting lime juice with wild abandon.
    In an early job (long, long ago and far, far away) I left a kitchen note on the office microwave. “You filthy, lazy, b2$t@#&s need to clean up this mess!” Shocked computer engineers gathered around my desk, exclaiming that they couldn’t believe I wrote that note. “What?” I asked. “You didn’t know I could form a complete sentence?”
    I’m sorry to hear about the recall. The photo gallery is absolutely stunning! Hugs on the wing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Teagan. Skippy’s presence behind the bar had been requested, so I tried to give him a little bigger slice of the pie. I came so close to leaving such a note. I took pictures of the teabag in the sink and the empty paper towel roll (with the cabinet above, holding new unwrapped rolls, open) and I sent emails, hoping to embarrass the offenders. None of it worked. I doubt the note by the new guy will work either.

      I’m not sure if Skippy is going to have a meltdown, or my buddy. This is why I bring Cheryl back to work.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Some of the positions our 4-footed angels get into are amazing. If only I was that flexible! LOVED your near dark pictures, Dan! The lighting in them are fantastic! And sorry to hear about your car troubles. I seem to have a recall on my car which to me is a huge hassle due to we barely have the time to do what we must each day much less go to a dealer. FYI … women have purses to put their keys into. How about a fanny pack? Just asking. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think I’d survive the comments from my family if I started wearing a fanny pack, Amy. Thanks for the thought, but…

      I’m glad you like the pictures, and the contortionist sisters. The recall was pretty quick, in and out in a little over an hour. It’s a new building and they added a nice customer lounge. It’s never convenient, but these things have to be done.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. This has to be one of my favorite SoCS from you Dan. Skippy is a riot! And I remember that movie from about a century ago. Most of those actors have passed on to the comedy club in the clouds.😉. Great post as usual.🥰

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I want the music to be techy — bluetooth and all that. The rest, I just wanna go back to how things were. I want round gauges with red hands, manual & vent windows, KEYS — oh, okay, I do like the digital camera back up. It took me a year to trust it even the tiniest bit, and now I’d miss it. The Mister has a recall on his car, and hasn’t taken it in yet. I DO think it’s ironic your vehicle needed an upgrade :)
    Sassy tried to Boomer her father the other day and that did not go over well. I explained what Boomer really is and dared her to say that crap to an actual Boomer. I think I shut that right down, at least at home.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I love David’s final bar questions, and your answers. Very touching. Skippy is Skippy… sigh! As for the key, I vividly remember renting a car at the airport, and it had no key. I hated it. We’re really needing a new car, and I… well, you can fill in the blanks. The oil change every 5,000 miles reminds me of the Timex watch jingle, “Takes a Lickin’ and Keeps on Tickin’”. SOP. Beautiful photos! Thank you, Dan.

    Liked by 1 person

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