One, Two, Three-Liner Wednesday

The weekend before Christmas, I stopped into a local supermarket to pick up a few things for Christmas dinner. As I was making my way past the meat counter, a man stopped me. There was water on the floor. The situation was dangerous. Liability was in the air. The man was in charge of the seafood counter, but for the moment, he was mopping the floor. He told me that his manager saw the water and ordered him to mop it up. His response was one-liner worthy, but it wasn’t the only one. He told the manager:

“I thought we had a robot to mop the floor.”

The manager explained that the robot wouldn’t be in the area for about 10 minutes. The seafood guy grumbled,

“What’s the point of having a robot if I have to do his job?”

While he was mopping, and I was waiting to get in front of the counter, a customer walked up to the seafood case. He looked at the 2lb bags of shrimp in the cooler and then back at the seafood case. The seafood manager asked him if he needed any help – he explained how his mopping was a side line. The customer asked: “What’s the difference between this two-pound bag of shrimp for fourteen dollars and the two-pound shrimp tray in the case for thirty-one dollars?”

The mopping manager quickly replied:

“I’ve arranged the shrimp on that tray in a tight circle around a crisp piece of kale.”

The customer was not impressed, but I appreciated the entertainment.


Our visit to the Stop & Shop Comedy Club is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun weekly series One-Liner Wednesday. If you have a one-liner, I’d encourage you to join in on the fun. You can follow this link to participate and to see the one-liners from the other participants.

79 thoughts on “One, Two, Three-Liner Wednesday

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    1. Thanks Judy. Maddie seems to do her best thinking out there on that cot. She let’s us know when it looks like a good time to sit. As for the comedy club, I had to admire his quick wit. I hope you’re enjoying the warmer climate.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Had a good laugh, Dan. Just loved the response of that mopping-up guy. That kind of phraseology is so typically Churchillian – swopping actions around. I’m sure he said it without thinking that, but it can be so funny, and so effective. Great post, thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed this, Don. It was the bright spot in my shopping trip. I think it’s what I miss (am going to miss) as retail becomes more automated and more distant. We might be able to program machines to mop the floor or scan our groceries, but I doubt we can teach them to crack an inappropriate joke.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahaha – what’s the point of a robot if it’s not there when you need it? 😆

    It’s a chilly morning with fresh snow on the ground to start this new decade. So far all is good. I hope it’s the same in your part of the world!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We have fresh sleet/ice mix from yesterday. Not terribly cold. It looks like January. Filling in for a lazy robot wouldn’t be the best task in your day. I hope it’s a good day and the week ends well.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. OMG! Too funny. You should talk to the “man in charge of the seafood counter” more often. He could keep you supplied with one liners! On second thought, the robot may just take his job!!

    Maddie, I would stick my tongue out too at that weather! We lucked out and only got a sparse coating of ice this time. But still, it was slick out there. Murphy had trouble maneuvering with three legs, but she did it!

    Love the shot of the lone leaf. Kinda sad, but pretty. All those squirrel footprints indicating that you and the Editor were being visited by some hungry critters! You need to rig up a self-feeding peanut machine for these guys Dan!

    Happy New Year!
    🐾Ginger 🐾

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Ginger. Our latest bit of winter weather is making it a little slick in some places but I guess we got enough sleet so that we sink in. Either that or I’ve eaten too much this season.

      When our daughter was little, I built a squirrel feeder. It was an elevated little house in which we would pour peanuts. They had to crawl up ladders to get to the opening. It worked well for several years.

      I enjoyed the seafood guy. He’s got something a robot will never have, a quick wit and a cheerful outlook.

      I hope things soften up for Murphy. Maddie sends her love.

      Like

    1. The guy would have been better using a few rolls of Bounty, but that would cut into profits. It’s a big store, and my grandmother walked faster than that robot moves. This does not bode well for us, John.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Nice going, Pam. I hope the robot assigned to shovel your walk gets there before March ;-)

      We don’t have much of the white stuff on the ground, but what we have refuses to move on.

      I think we’re going to need a sharp sense of humor in the years to come. It might be the only thing the robots can’t master.

      Like

  4. Happy New Year, Dan, and Maddie too! Snowblower’s gotta do what a snow blower’s gotta do… That leaf hung on to be the subject of your camera! Nature’s aspirations. All my best to you and yours as we step into 2020!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. LOL, never buy the shrimp that comes with a crisp piece of kale. He’s a funny guy, much funnier than a robot who mops silently. Nice three-liner, Dan. Who thought shopping for Christmas dinner could be this funny?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Robot teabreak – already and it’s only the 1st?! It’s fascinating sometimes over hearing others’ conversations or ribald/snide comments – I have to say I thought the water was going to be coming from the seafood counter … people?!

    Snow – and no wonder Maddie looks happier once she’s home and has ‘her place’ organised and her coat on…

    Happy New Year – looking forward to more interesting commentary and posts – cheers to you and the family – Hilary

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Hilary. Robots will never be able to replace humans when it comes to snappy/snarky comebacks. It wasn’t obvious where the water came from, but with so many cases holding chipped ice, the seafood department would be a good guess. Meanwhile, the robot was probably stationed near the breakfast cereal aisle.

      Happy New Year. I am looking forward to 2020.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Did you happen to notice if the kale was gold-plated? Ha! That made me smile as did that bottom right photo of Maddie. All the best to you and yours in the upcoming year/decade, Dan, and especially with that work thing off your back. :-)

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh that Maddie :) The snow looks slushy, indeed. We had some wintry mix Monday, but it never amounted to anything.
    I also enjoyed the entertainment you found at the grocery. I’m chuckling and shaking my head at both of them. I remember my first ‘real’ job at cookie shop. I also had to mop, which I’m certain was not listed in the job description. At 17, I was kind of indignant about it but soon learned that at any small business, one does what one can. I never worked anywhere they had a mopbot. Fancy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. I mopped the lobby area and bathrooms of the bowling alley my dad managed. No mop-bots in the 60s except for the one on The Jetsons. I remember seeing a man in a suit mopping in McDonald’s when I was in college. A young man was urging him to push harder into the corners. The man was an executive that was doing a rotation in a restaurant. I don’t know if they still do that, but it seemed like a good idea. I also mopped for a two weeks the first year I worked at the Post Office in the summer.

      Quick wit and good humor always makes me smile.

      Like

      1. Where I live? Never. I have to drive at least three hours to find a mountain high enough to have snow and then only in the middle of winter. Although we have had the odd extreme weather event in recent years that’s dropped snow on places near here.
        That’s why I think snow is exciting but I don’t have to live with it.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. An expensive piece of kale–although I suppose you’re paying for presentation, too. It always pays to shop around.

    And I agree with the employee. What IS the use of having a robot to mop the floors if the people have to do its job anyway? : )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, it probably took five minutes to arrange the shrimp in a circle. But, the overhead in this place is huge, so I understand. And, if you want to save money, buy the bag, and a few bits of Kale – or skip the kale…

      The robot replaces the person mopping, until there’s a spill. I’ve seen the robot, he’s pretty slow.

      Like

  10. I have thick salt and ice in the breezeway by my door. The flood from above went out their door and down the stairs and the walls outside, still not cleaned up, what a mess. On a better note, I love a guy with a sense of humor and running into them makes my day. I’m sure he made yours. What was the shrimp buyers response? Which did he choose?😅

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear about your flooding and ice, that’s terrible. The conversation went back and forth a few more rounds. The customer wasn’t happy. I think he was angling for a reduction in price on the pre-made tray, something the seafood guy indicated could not be done. The shrimp on the tray does in fact come from the same bags. The seafood guys said that everything is from the store and he suggested the guy could buy a pack of plastic trays, paper liners, a bunch of kale and do it all for less than $20, but the guy wasn’t interested. I left them still bickering in the aisle.

      Like

  11. Supermarkets have robots?? I like the seafood manager’s line explaining the difference between the shrimp ring and the pound of shrimp. He kept his humor while doing a robot’s job. 🙂 Snowblowing and clearing off the cars was a bear! Four inches of rock is far worse than a foot of snow. Happy New Year, Dan.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The large ones in this chain have robots roaming the aisles, Jennie. I’m not sure what all they are going to be doing, but they want us to get used to them.

      I think humor is essential. I doubt robots understand.

      Liked by 2 people

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