Can I Not Help You? – #1LinerWeds #JusJoJan

Last week, we received a warning flier in the mail. “You’re TV Equipment is Outdated!” I’ve been getting emails about this for several months. I don’t really care. I switched to Hulu and YouTube TV over a year ago. This mailing called attention to a series of events over the next 90 days, where I will “lose 50 channels” and then, 60 days later I’ll lose 150 more channels. Finally, in 150 days (or perhaps a 150 more days) my box will stop working.

We only get 25 channels from our cable company.

Fortunately, I was able to take my cable box to the cable company store to exchange it. While standing in line, I listened to various clerks ask customers if they wanted a “free bill analysis.” Customers agreed and were inevitably told how they could either save money or get more value for the money they were spending. Of course, the solution in either case was to get more stuff tacked onto their account. Buy more stuff and save. You know, make it up on volume.

Dreading the moment, I approached the counter when is was my turn. I turned in my old cable box. The clerk called up our account, with its anemic collection of basic stations and a more than generous Internet access package. The man looked at me and said:

“Would you like me to skip the complimentary analysis of your bill?”


This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun weekly series One-Liner Wednesday. And, given the time of the year, it’s also part of Just-Jot-January. If you have a one-liner, I’d encourage you to join in on the fun. You can follow this link to participate and to see the one-liners from the other participants.

76 comments

    1. It’s crazy, Peter. They have so much data, but they don’t bother to look at it before contacting you. I’m guessing this has to do with signal processing, and the old boxes out there require them to waste bandwidth sending along the old style signal. The threat that worked is that they would eventually shut the box off.

      Like

      1. Did you hear that a Rep’s wife wired $150,000 to an off-shore account? Said the Social Security Admin. was going to protect it there. She finally got suspicious and thought she’d let her husband know after they asked her to mortgage her home!!

        Like

  1. Hahahaha! I like a good customer service person with a sense of humour … whether the humour was intentional or not! 😆

    I laughed at MuMu and the glasses. If that was Theo, he would have just sat on them and I would have been hunting all over wondering where I had left them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish I were still curled up like MuMu and Maddie, but alas, I’m using my iPad and internet and ready to face the day…mostly…after breakfast. I get calls on my cell phone every so often about an expiring warranty that I don’t have. Even though I know they just spoof another number, I take great pleasure in not answering and then blocking that number. As for TV, if we could just choose our channels.

      janet

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I wouldn’t have any channels but for the fact that keeping the minimum number of channels allows me to “bundle” TV and Internet and it’s cheaper than Internet alone. I guess they feel, as long as they have a foot in my door, they can sell me more stuff. I practically put on a suit of armor before dealing with them.

        MuMu, Maddie and MiMi all know how to find comfortable and warm places to nap.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Ha ha – that would be worse, because I probably would disturb MuMu if she was asleep on the shelf. I usually move them before she gets up there.

      The clerk was pretty cool. I’m not sure if companies understand that guys like that actually make customers feel better about doing business with them.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a dear friend who inherited some money, loves to shop, and has a mantra – ‘the more you spend, the more you save.’ :-) With regard to tv, I wish I could get a pair of rabbit ears and actually survive. :-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That mantra only leads to one end. Oh well, if you have it…

      The rabbit ears might have been better. Most of the channels they offer aren’t worth watching.

      Thanks for visiting.

      Like

  3. Ha! That’s funny, Dan. I don’t have to worry about an outdated box since we’re no longer members of the cable company…unless our internet box is deemed useless at some point. It’s a wonderful thing when the cable sales rep knows better than to sell you more stuff without trying.

    How do you like YouTube TV? We have Sling, but I haven’t been impressed and hardly watch it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The guy mentioned that he could see our history, so he knew I had cut them back last year.

      YouTube TV is pretty good. There are a couple of issues with the Guide, but I think they have solved / are solving them. They raised the price to $50 (from $35) but they have about 70 channels now. I like that I can easily watch everything on any device. We only have one TV, but if I want to follow a show or a sporting event, I can watch on my phone while sitting with Maddie. It was great when I was traveling. They also have a nice DVR system, so you can save shows (the ones you tag), or start from the beginning if you’re late. It’s unlimited, and the shows hang around for 9 months. My daughter had Sling and recently switched to YTTV.

      Like

    1. Oh, she swats them, Deborah. That is her shelf, and she makes it clear my stuff doesn’t belong / has no right / is no longer welcome.

      I appreciate that the clerk realized I wasn’t going to want any other services. Best to keep the line moving,

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Smart man that customer service guy. He took one look at you and then at your generic box and knew no way would he get a sale out of you. LOL High 5, Dan!
    LOVED the picture of Mumu. I laughed out loud. We have a cat who crosses her front legs like she does.
    Funny story …. I use my Mobile Data on my phone to transfer pictures from email to gallery in order to use Snapseed. (There is more to the process.) We do not have wireless so I make sure I keep my Data under 1G per month. I received an email from our internet carrier saying I have gone over 1G and in order to receive more the price would be $14.95 monthly per 1G. At the time I had 235mg used so far on my phone. I laughed out loud when I read this email. Do these people think we are stupid? LOL Your story reminded me of this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Amy. The sales clerk next to my guy was busy selling faster Internet speed and more channels to the couple at his spot. I pay for 300mb speed, but I check it periodically, and it’s never been higher than 120mb. I get calls trying to get me to buy even faster service. When I tell them they aren’t delivering what I’m paying for and I’m still getting along fine, they just keep repeating their pitch until I hang up. Either they’re stupid or they think we are.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. This guy was the best, Lois. I normally get my glasses out of the way before MuMu arrives. She must have heard something outside. She ran in the room, grumbling the entire way and bounded from the bed to my desk to the shelf before I could get the glasses off. She dispatched them straight away.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I detest Cable TV as much as I do Facebook. It’s all a racket to put more of our money in their bulging pockets. And I really don’t like that we don’t get to pick and choose what we want. We have to take what they decide for us to have. My husband likes sports or we wouldn’t have cable at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What finally forced me off into streaming land (YouTube TV) was when one channel I liked (Military) was moved into a $12/month package and I didn’t want to watch anything else in that package. I had to pay $12 to continue getting a channel I had been watching for years. They are every bit as bad as Facebook.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. They try to get you coming and going! Terrific response from that salesman.

    You’re gonna push MuMu a little too far one of these days and those glasses are going to meet with a terrible accident! Once again, Maddie shows how adept she is at adapting to the circumstances so she can be comfy cozy.
    🐾Ginger 🐾

    Liked by 1 person

    1. MuMu pushed the glasses out of her way. I normally get to them before she does but she ran in and jumped up in a hurry this time. I think she heard something outside.

      Maddie is very confused today. I took her for a walk at 11:00. We never do that and she wasn’t sure what was going on. She doesn’t like change, but I felt like I had to get out and move.

      Thanks for visiting, Ginger!

      Like

  7. I’ve had direct tv, basic cable, dish, Netflix, all at one time or another. In the apartment you pay a mandatory $75 for cable tv on one box that doesn’t do anything. I was just gifted a Disney+ on my iPad by my son and enjoy it. I share Netflix with grandkids. I will however get Starz for the next month when Outlander comes on, but on iPad. The commercials on regular tv drive me insane.

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s hard finding anything that comes close to be worth the cost. I added Disney+ and ESPN+ to my Hulu subscription because it was only a couple dollars to do it. I haven’t watched much on either one yet.

      Like

  8. LOL, Dan, glasses are always in the way of a cat. :)
    I get it about cable companies. My horrible Internet provider also has cable TV. Despite my repeated complaints and service calls to them (“Nothing is wrong” they tell me.) they keep sending me letters and emails stating “Your account has been reviewed” and that they are generously offering to let my purchase expensive cable TV as well as the shoddy Internet service. Sigh… Have a good rest of the week. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They have tried to get me to upgrade to their “fastest Internet ever” plan. I point out to them that I test my speed, using their utility, at least once a week, and the have never delivered anything close to the speed I’m paying for now. They don’t have an answer, but they continue suggesting that I should buy a faster plan.

      MuMu and I are learning how to share. “Share” – an environment where MuMu gets everything she wants.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I loved the guy’s one line. Also, I’m coming to you today on my PC with Chrome. This is the first time in eight weeks that I could hit “like” without opening another version of the post. Also, I’m leaving a comment without logging in. I sure wish I knew what was wrong with that @$%^** Safari. Good post, Dan

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks John. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your satisfaction with Chrome is to be short-lived. Firefox and Safari (Mozilla and Apple) have been working hard to prevent cross-site cookies from working. WordPress relies on these cookies to determine if the reader of your/my blog is logged into WordPress. Google has long allowed these cookies to persist, because they are part of the Google economy. They recently announced that they will “stop relying on cookies” in 2020, and they will join Apple, Mozilla and Microsoft in blocking cross-site cookies.

      We need WordPress to come up with a better mousetrap.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha – thanks for keeping my calendar straight. I haven’t started losing track of the days, yet. I know the guy would probably get in trouble for skipping the mandatory upsell attempt, but I actually appreciated this. I left feeling al little better about my cable company (and that’s hard to accomplish). I give him credit for a job well done.

      Like

  10. The title is the best!
    When you’re home with four kids all the time, cable seems a worthy investment. When they all go to school and no one watches children’s programming anymore, cable seems costly. Once everyone is so busy and almost never home, cable is a waste. Long live streaming! Long live time and money saved!

    Like

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