Dan Antion

I Resemble that Remark – #SoCS

Two limes, artfully balanced.
I thought of Skippy

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and Linda G. Hill shared her love with us in the form of her Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt:

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is ‘cheek.’ Use it as a noun or a verb. Enjoy!” (1 see note below)

I did a little research, ok, I opened an online dictionary, and the first definition I found made me think of Skippy’s namesake, so…

If we were having a beer, my phone is distracting you.

“Do you have to take that, Dan?”

“What?”

“Your phone just buzzed.”

“That sounds like an email. I only look at texts from family.”

“Are you sure it’s not from family?”

“Sheesh, I’ll look. It’s from the Urgent Care Center…happy?”

“What do they want?”

“I’m sure I don’t care, it’s only urgent when I go to them.”

“I thought it might be test results or something.”

“Ah, the representatives of the senior circuit have arrived.”

“Hello, Skippy.”

“Hi David. You guys OK? I overheard your test results comment.”

“We’re fine, Brad. David is urging me to read a marketing email from the urgent care center.”

“Guys your age talk about that stuff a lot. You want something to wash it down with?”

“Guys our age? A bit cheeky, wouldn’t you say, Dan.”

“Cheeky? What does that mean?”

“You’ll have to look that one up, Brad. I think we’ll be having our usual.”

“Um, Skippy.”

“Yes, David.”

“I’m just curious, does this job provide health insurance?”

“No, I’m only part time.”

“Do you have health insurance?”

“I’m still on my Dad’s plan.”

“Ah. I’ll have a glass of John Howell’s bourbon, and in case you doubt my mental faculties, I know it’s really Willett Reserve.”

“Don’t poke the bear, David.”

“He started it, Dan.”

“Yes, but he’s a jerk. Let’s move on.”

“You’re right, so what do those health care gurus want with you?”

“They seem to be offering advice on staying healthy, but they really want to scare me into coming in for some tests.”

“Here you go. According to Cheryl’s text, a Corona with lime, a glass of Willette Reserve (I’m not sure what three fingers means), a snifter of seltzer and a glass of ice.”

“And…”

“Cherries, duh, the cherries show up on the next line, I’ll be right back.”

“Cheers, Dan. So, what’s the advice from the white coats?”

“Exercise for thirty minutes a day, eat a plant-based diet, limit alcohol intake, maintain a healthy weight and avoid tobacco.”

“Does that include cigars? I’m not giving up cigars.”

“Those recommendations sound pretty limiting; here’s your cherries.”

“Here are – my cherries, thanks Brad.”

“Huh?”

“It’s nothing, Brad. David’s a bit of a grammar nerd. Cherries…plural…is-versus-are.”

“You guys worry about the dumbest things. Is that cheeky too? I haven’t looked it up yet.”

“Yes…cheeky and, for the record, I’m not worried, Brad. It’s just that it never hurts to sound intelligent. Maybe someday you’ll need to find a job that provides healthcare.”

“I’m not worried about healthcare. I’m only twenty-four, and I got the things on that list covered.”

“You exercise thirty-minutes a day, Brad?”

“Well, not gym-stuff, and not every day, Dan, but I walk a lot around this bar.”

“They also suggest avoiding trans-fats, checking and controlling blood pressure and getting seven to eight hours sleep.”

“I’m gonna assume my B-P is OK. I never get that much sleep, and I’m not really sure what trans-fats are, but I think I eat them.”

“Does your mom still cook for you?”

“No, David, I don’t live with my parents. I eat here on the days I work, and I pick up something on the run on other days.”

“That can’t be healthy.”

“I’ve been thinking about subscribing to one of those meal services, the ones that send you ingredients, but you still have to cook the stuff.”

“What about the sleep? How many hours do you get?”

“I don’t know, David. I don’t fall asleep easy. Maybe I need a new mattress or something.”

“Maybe just a different detergent.”

“Huh?”

“Detergent…laundry…I assume you wash your bedding occasionally.”

“My mom does, I’d have to ask.”

“And yet you complain about old people.”

“I just like giving you a hard time. Actually, some of my best customers are old people.”

“Because customers your age are drinking Coors Light and buying their food on the run. Speaking of which, I could use another Corona.”

“I’ll get that, Dan. David, you want another splash, or finger, or whatever it is you use to measure bourbon?”

“I’m good for now, thanks.”

“No problem.”

“Sigh…You never answered my question about cigars, Dan. Do you think they’re included in the health warning?”

“According to WebMD, ‘The health risks associated with occasional cigar smoking (less than daily) are not known.’ Maybe you’re OK.”

“Here’s your Corona, a wedge of lime and I’m going to top-off your bourbon, on the house, David.”

“On the house, Ski…Brad? Why so generous?”

“I looked up ‘cheeky’ – I like it.”

(1) The Editor pointed out, as many of you have realized that I used the prompt as an adjective. Sorry, Linda.

“Are you back again?”
“I though you were gone for the day.”
“OK, you can stay, but scratch me first.”
This was our “big storm.” We woke to about 1/2″ of wet snow.
The crocus don’t know it’s still winter.
It’s been cold and wet. No sitting and no walks.
Good news! CT Rail finally released their mobile app.
Seriously – look at that definition and tell me it’s not talking about Skippy.
We love Our Patients (but we like them better when they spend some money with us).
Not the best day to be driving north, but I had an errand to run,
I couldn’t pass this scenic stop without a picture of that sign.
It’s 4°f (-16°c) at the moment.

79 comments

    • Thanks Judy. I knew I was getting close to the third-rail with this one, but sometimes, the odd emails and Linda’s prompts align.

      We’re still in single-digit territory, but Maddie went over and nudged her harness to remind me that it’s Saturday. I don’t know how she knows. I told her it has to warm up.

      I hope you have a great weekend.

      Liked by 1 person

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  2. It’s 3 degrees here at the moment.
    And while I try not to be an annoying grammar nerd the lack of adverb use is my number one pet peeve. And yes, I have been known to chastise the television for it’s commercial’s verbiage on occasion.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Wait, you want adverbs? Everybody says to eliminate them (I have a hard enough time even identifying them). I look at all these elements the way I look at cholesterol – they can’t be all bad.

      My wife (The Editor) chastises, mocks and shakes her head in disgust at the people who write commercials, ads and newspaper articles.

      We’re all the way up to 8 here.

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  4. Cheeky is what I saw way too much of during the Super Bowl halftime, a “performance” that made me wonder not for the first time, what “entertainment” has come to and why it has to be so sleazy and suggestive. But I digress as they regress. “I resemble that remark” has long been used in my family lexicon and always will be. As for being a grammar nerd, I confess I resemble that remark. Happy Saturday, Dan.

    janet

    Liked by 2 people

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    • I love that comment, Janet. I try to keep this place well above the standard the NFL uses for halftime shows. Nothing suggestive, and no body parts falling out at this bar. Cheryl has been known to chastise us if we get close to the edge, and The Editor would never agree.

      I am surrounded by grammar nerds, and the person who inspires Skippy, is one. When I publish an error (usually a post I tried to fly solo with), he’ll put a comment on Facebook to let me know – and that comment will be cheeky.

      I hope you have a great weekend – thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

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  6. Wow, Brad is being his usual cheeky self AND nice.

    Oh wait..is that an oxymoron? Maybe a better descriptor of Brad? ;-)

    Anyhow, I’ll be sending warmer weather your way, Dan. It’s a whole 16 degrees here and the high is supposed to be 30. So, only two days of really cold and we’re back to normal cold. Maddie will be excited to go for a walk again and MuMu will be happy you left her alone for awhile.

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  7. How could you not? I mean it should say ‘Brads as bartenders across the globe, aka Skippy’, beside the definition. 😂
    I did my ‘duty’ at the PCP here to reestablish last week with the obligatory blood work end of week. I’ve been so good since last June that if they find ‘borderline’ readings this time I’m done trusting anything that has a Caduceus beside it. I even lost 13 pounds! I will continue my current regimen because it feels good but not because of current AMA stats which are slanted in favor of the pharmaceutical organizations, hospitals and obvious networking among specialties. Not that I don’t like my PCP. She’s really great. But they all have boxes to check and letters to write…
    Enjoy your beer Dan. And wings or pizza or whatever. I am on health hiatus for a weekend. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Thanks Cheryl. If we decide to have a healthcare rant, I’ll definitely have you behind the bar, or maybe we’ll all just take it to a table and make Skippy serve us ;-)

      My doctor is happy with my weight and my test results. There’s room for improvement, but she doesn’t seem to want us on a mission toward perfect readings. I will have a couple beers today. I might be retired, but it’s still Saturday.

      It sounds like you’re taking your health seriously. You have to enjoy life, too. As I commented to the real Skippy, there’s being alive and then there’s living.

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  8. Sometimes people say something that sticks in my brain and I cease to hear anything beyond that. “…it never hurts to sound intelligent” was that thing. Oh, that made me laugh! Oh, Skippy….you poor dear. You are clueless, aren’t you? We won’t even go into ‘cheeky.’ I am sticking with clueless. This was great, Dan. Happy Saturday to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. I don’t combine math and english before I finish my first cup of coffee. If you want me to add you will just have to wait. And till that cup of coffee is done it will just be a verb. Afterwards we just might have been able to get into the pluperfect.

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  12. I have no problem with Skippy staying a jerk. Some people just have no social skills. On the other hand, he’s aging along with the rest of us, so a little growth arc wouldn’t come amiss. On tv and in books/stories, I often like stinky characters because they’re so well-drawn. Wouldn’t want to KNOW them, but I like them in fiction. :)

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    • Skippy is the only “character” I’ve ever had to develop. I just thought of him as a bit of a dumping ground for all the dumb stuff bartenders (but never Cheryl) do behind the bar. Then people started forming a fan club. I don’t see a complete turn-around in his somewhat arrested development. For now, I need to leave him like the Enterprise, i.e. largely undefined so I can add what I need when the time comes. Let’s not even think about needing a third bartender.

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  13. The white coats recommended a plant based diet?! That’s a nice surprise. I’m sure Faith would be happy to help. :) Speaking of help, I’d like to have a conversation with Brad’s mom about doing his laundry.

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    • Can I assume you’re going to tell his mom she’s an enabler? Faith and The Editor bring me closer to a plant-based diet than I ever thought I’d be. I’m actually ok with that. We have always had meatless meals during the week. Sometimes, it’s just the right thing to have for dinner.

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    • My brother would support you on that, Mike. He once was cooking at a summer barbecue. A woman asked him if there was any vegetarian entrees. He said “I think the pig was a vegetarian.”

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      • I find the term “plant-based” to be a bit strange. I understand advice to eat more fruits and vegetables, but some of the meat substitutes that are being offered are so full of processed artificial substances that I am not convinced they are any better for me than meat itself. If I am going to eat more plant-based food, I think I would prefer a black-bean burger that is delicious without tasting like beef rather than the pseudo-beef burger.

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  15. Ah, yes, I bailed on the noun/verb instructions as well. So much confusion about how to write about cheek (and I had to delete the y off that word because my fingers won’t even not type cheeky!!). Our daughter has notifications that buzz about twenty times a minute. Drives me batty when we’re trying to watch something!

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    • I’ve been noticing that there seems to be the expectation that you will check the buzzing. I try to ignore it when I’m with people. Istarted out confused, but then I figured Skippy was up to the task.

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  19. I was swamped and could not partake this week, but cheeky would have inspired me more than cheek! I thought about butt-cheeks, but not sure how I’d write that blog… and M would not let me draw his buttcheeks.
    And I HATE texts from businesses that are not friends.

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  21. I am deeply concerned about Skippy. Is he a student? Has he no direction? What kind of a bartender doesn’t know what fingers are? Very disconcerting.
    Don’t get me started on language. My 71 year old boss was looking for a description suitable for a particular person of interest Friday. Prior to his arrival, the rest of us had collectively labeled the subject “Greedy Mofo” During the meeting, I suggested “Scoundrel.” He turned to me and asked, “Do people even say scoundrel now?”
    Do they? This has troubled me since. Now, after reading this, I am no less troubled.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Skippy is a work in progress. As for “three fingers,” it is well known and, you’d expect, intuitive, but some bartenders around here start out at the places at or near the airport, where shots are measured in some way. They introduced robotic bartenders at the Consumer Electronics Show back in January. “Three fingers of redeye” might soon be a thing of the past. That will be a sad day in my opinion.

      “Scoundrel” is a good word, but I don’t hear it much. Of course, that might be because we’ve gotten comfortable with descriptions like your first choice.

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  22. LOL – I like your take on the prompt! Tongue in cheek is a fun way to spin it, IMHO. ;-) I laughed at the photo of the scenic overlook and your 1/2″ ‘snow’ storm. It’s fun to see what the other parts of the US think is a storm! PS – I suspect, without health insurance company studies to support it, it’s easy to get a 1/2 hour exercise in shoveling that little bit of snow. ;-)

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. This was really good, Dan. I smiled all the way through reading. Yes, the definition has Skippy written all over. Today I wondered why things seemed so pleasant, and then I realized it is the sun. At last we have a day of full sun. Those cold gray days are awful. Best to you, Dan.

    Liked by 1 person

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