Shaken Never Stirred – #SoCS

As in we’re not going stir crazy at the No Facilities Bar. We’re trying to keep our good humor about us as we work around Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt. This week, we have:

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is ‘deep.’ Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”


If we were having a beer, we’d be looking for humor as we keep trying to cope.

“Dan, I was wondering, did you take a part time job at the hardware store?”

“No! Why would you think that?”

“I drove by a few times on Wednesday and each time, your car was there.”

“I needed a few bolts, but I bought the wrong sizes and had to go back.”

“I’ve heard that every successful project requires three trips to the hardware store.”

“That’s about right, I bought the wrong size the second time, too.”

“What were you doing?”

“I picked up a new vise last Friday and I wanted to install it

“Lemmie guess, Costco was out of toilet paper, so you bought a big screen TV?”

“Huh?”

“Your new vice.”

“No, it’s a new vise.”

“Is it something we can talk about in front of Cheryl?”

“You boys better be keeping it clean, I run a family place here. The usual, guys?”

“It’s not what you think…yes Cheryl, the usual. A Corona for me and give him some bourbon.”

“Are you buying, Dan?”

“Yes, David. I think it’s my turn.”

“OK, guys, I’ll be right back.”

“Um, Cheryl…”

“Yes David. I’ll remember the cherries.”

“And pour his plague-beer into a glass.”

“Oh, right. OK.”

“There, she’s gone, you can tell me about this new vice.”

“Sigh…it’s a vise.

“I know, it’s a keg-o-lator and a quarter-keg of Corona; you don’t want Cheryl to know you’re going to quarantine without her.”

“It’s a freakin’ vise, a new vise!”

“Most people try to keep those deep under the radar, Dan. Here’s your Corona.”

“Cheryl, David’s confused.”

“Uh huh, well, maybe some John Howell’s Bourbon will clear his head. Or the seltzer or the ice.”

“Thanks Cheryl. Cheers Dan, here’s to your new vice…whatever it is.”

“You don’t understand. This is a vise, a woodworking vise, the kind you mount to a workbench with bolts from the hardware store.”

“I know that, I was just messing with you.”

“Jerk!”

“You’re so gullible, Dan. I picked up on it right away.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Cheryl?”

“Where’s the fun in that? You boys want any food?”

“Maybe later, Cheryl. Right now, I need to use the little boy’s room.”

“You really had him going, David.”

“I know, he is gullible. It’s almost too easy.”

“Shhh, here he comes.”

“Your phone was beeping while you were gone.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“Before you pick it up, did you wash your hands?”

“Who are you, my mother? Of course, I washed my hands.”

“Just checking. Did you sing the Alphabet song?”

“No, I rattled off the opening monologue from Star Trek.”

“That’s a good idea. Original Series or Next Gen.”

“Next Gen. It was Mary’s idea, so I need to be inclusive.”

“Mary the mac & cheese lady? She’s giving you a bunch of ideas this week.”

“That’s how it goes sometimes.”

“So, do you say that in Picard’s voice, Dan?”

“Sometimes, I catch myself saying civ-il-I-zay-shun.”

“Is that your go-to mantra or do you revert to the alphabet in the morning?”

“Actually, in the morning, I sing the Doxology.”

“Protestant or Catholic?”

“Does it matter, David?”

“I would think so. That Protestant deal seems longer than twenty seconds.”

“Thirty-six, but it reminds me of saner times, when people could gather in groups.”

“And sing off key.”

“Well, yeah, Methodists are known for that. What do you sing while washing your hands, David?”

“When I wash my hands, I sing Marilyn Monroe’s version of Happy Birthday.”

“And you talk about my vices?”

“Hey, she wasn’t singing to me.”

“You boys still wallowing deep in the gutter over here?”

“No, Cheryl, you just have bad timing.”

“Oooooooh-kay, Dan. Can I get you another round?”

“What a good idea.”

“Are you going to check you phone, Dan.”

“I didn’t want to offend.”

“It’s OK, I’m curious, it looked important.”

“Ah yes, Apple says my screen time was up thirty-seven percent last week.”

“Small wonder, with all those new vices.”


I gleaned some of the dialog from text-conversations. If you’re old enough to remember the comic strip, “They’ll Do It Every Time,” You might remember that they ended with “A tip of the hat to…” Well, this week, I need to tip my hat to our daughter Faith, who was responding to the Star Trek thing by Mary, and my brother for the Marilyn Monroe reference. Stay safe, stay inside and stay healthy folks. And, if you’re going stir crazy, remember to check Cheryl’s daily bit of beauty and you can always hop on board “The Delta Pearl” by Teagan.

91 comments

    1. I love Skooters’s fish & chips, but I’ve always had it at the counter. It’s weird getting it as takeout, but it worked. We’re trying to have a good time, in spite of the circumstances.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you’re staying safe and healthy, Judy. Maddie took me out early today. I think she thinks/knows it’s going to rain. The vise is nice. It’s a big improvement over the old one. I’m puttering around in the shop, until I can start some projects. I need about 10 more degrees on the average temp.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Oh yes humor is good, Dan! Thanks for the laugh or two! I’m running into a lot of folks who are laughing. Cool beans. Loved your gallery. Stay safe as you gather your necessities for your wood building projects. Crossing fingers this isolation is over soon. FYI …. You couldn’t have retired at a better time. There really are blessings from out of this tragedy! Have a great weekend!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How can you resist? That’s what she said as she stood next to the chair where her harness is hanging, with her nose pointing to the door. And I couldn’t resist. Maddie had been for a walk. MuMu has been brushed and MiMi has escaped to the couch downstairs d we here it’s still dark and quiet.

      I hope you have a good weekend, Pam. Stay safe. Stay healthy.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I couldn’t explain what it is about the word, but I’ve always loved Doxology – I think John Steinbeck named a horse Dox? East of Eden, was it?

    Anyway, I thought of you yesterday – is it true what I read that Corona beer is being sidelined for the duration? Better get that keg while you can!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always loved the word and the hymn. Only once that I can remember, we sang all the verses. Best day ever.

      I did read that they stopped brewing Corona. I’ll buy a case today, if I can. I think we should drink it in defiance.

      Stay safe, Maggie.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. How long will it take ? The classic question preceding all projects. Yesterday was tinker with the wisteria trellis day. A half hour turned into most of the afternoon. With a can we just pull it back up where it was cause it is sagging. With a don’t trim it too much you might cut off the blooms. Some things just end up being a series of compromises. Kinda like your beverage glass. For the sake of drama I would be sorely tempted to politely ask Cheryl to give the beer with the plague glass to the guy who is so worried about it and give the bourbon to you – even with those cherries in it. Mind you just for a touch of drama. Today looks like a mix of weeding, feeding the weeds to the compost pile, some fertilizing, and more mulching. I will save the skippy works at the garden center for tonight. Oh and the gardening chores will require several hydration units au natural in the bottle. It is gardening no ladders or power tools involved. …after another cup of coffee and the outdoor temps warm up just a touch. The sunrise pictures are awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “outside temps warm up.” That’s what I’m waiting for, John. 10 more degrees on average band I’ll be fine. I can always switch back to one of my other favorite beers.

      Good luck in the garden. Try to keep those compromises weighted to you. Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I enjoyed the story and photos. The picture of Mumu is priceless. You mentioned how rarely you see a plane, and I realized I haven’t seen one for weeks. Goodness! Stay well…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Gwen. We normally see quite a few planes landing as we walk. We’re only 2 miles from BDL. But all the airlines have cut back. Some have stopped flying here altogether.

      Take care.

      Like

  5. “Marilyn Monroe’s version of Happy Birthday”! Still laughing. Good grief, you could do a full body scrub getting through that!!

    Terrific post today. Humor is such a welcome relief.

    Love the shadow shot of you and Maddie. Smokey and Chippy are oblivious to Covid-19. I envy them. Their biggest worry is finding the nice Peanut Man, who is never very far away!

    Enjoy your new vice, or vise – if you have one of those too! 😂😂

    Continued good health to you and the Editor and Faith. Stay as safe as you can, and stay home. Murphy and I send the same wishes to the 3-M’s. BTW, Murphy was very pleased to see “no eye glasses” restricting MuMu’s siesta! 🤗
    🐾Ginger 🐾

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you still enjoy my attempts at humor, Ginger. When my brother made the Marilyn comment, I told him “I might have to use that at the bar” – he replied, “be my guest,” and the die was cast.

      Maddie dragged me out early again today, but no shadows. Trying yo best the rain. Soon, I hope, we’ll be trying to beat the heat.

      Chippy and Smokey need to be on their toes, we have hawks overhead.

      No glasses, MuMu has won the battle.

      I hope you can all stay safe snd healthy.

      Like

  6. Hi Dan – had to look up vise … but of course forgot the translation bit – to American! Love the photo of Maddie … while Mumu ‘ain’t’ leaving soon – way too comfortable. Squirrel Nutkin is very pretty – I see she has a name (Chippy) … as too Smokey … glad all is well – and people are keeping an eye on you at the Tool shop – take care and cheers Hilary

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Hilary. I didn’t realize (realise) you guys use “vice” for both meanings. Kind of defeats my humor a bit. Oh well.

      The critters here know how yo get comfortable, that’s for sure.

      I hope you’re staying safe and healthy.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s the way it goes … not sure why we (us English) have to adhere to American!! But we hang on to our language … just. All well here – hopefully safe through this thing … take care of family – cheers Hilary

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi Dan – I should know more about American history … but struggled to learn ours – and still haven’t mastered it, let alone the European side of history; I learnt a little more when I was in Canada … again not enough …

            I’ll need to look at your idea … there isn’t anyone I can ask about it right now … but will definitely keep it in mind. I guess we were trying to protect other interests – India, Australia, Canada and it was one too many – with a few other enemies in Europe – the French and the Spanish …

            I must look – something I really should know about … take care … my brain is addled now! Cheers H

            Liked by 1 person

  7. SoCS…the Saturday frontier. These are the voyages of Linda Hill’s bloggers. It’s never-ending mission: to explore fish and chips and Corona beer. To seek out nuts and bolts and personal vices. To boldly go where an Irish setter or sleeping cat has gone before.

    Do, do, dooooo!

    Awesome post, Dan. 500 bonus points! I sing the doxology once a month after communion, but I didn’t think to wash my hands with it. Something new for tomorrow!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Mary. Great job on the Star Trek parody!

      I am enclosing a coupon for a free Porter or Stout of your (and Faith’s) choice, to be redeemed at your convenience at the No Facilities bar. Of course, you’re also welcome to a glass of John Howell’s Bourbon, if you prefer.

      The Doxology is a deep wash, song, 36 seconds as opposed to 20, but in these difficult times…

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A coupon? Yayyy! I am good with any Porter or Stout (chocolate?), but wondering if Cheryl knows how to make a brandy old fashioned sour with muddled fruit. It’s the only hard liquor beverage I drink these days.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Thanks again for the mention, Dan. I enjoyed the play on vice, vise. Also, your use of the prompt was sterling. The fish and chips looked great. Your photos made it look like a nice day in the neighborhood. It was good to see Smoky out and about. Maddie takes up your side of the couch. cute. Stay well. The Doxology is a super idea.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re welcome, John. I figure people need consistency, more than anything, something that isn’t subject to change. Therefore, until further notice, we will continue serving John Howell’s Bourbon and Corona, even if Cheryl has to dip into her hidden stash. Actually, the real bartender once hid the last two bottles of Corona for me.

      We’ve had a bunch of nice days, but I could really use about 10 more degrees. I’m not greedy, just something in a 60+

      Maddie always takes the pillows when she’s decided that we’re done sitting. If we’re not done, I can get up and refill my coffee. When we’re done, she moves. She’s got me very well trained.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Space, the final frontier… I like it better than A,B,C,D…

      Maddie does like your rule. Those pillows are warm, she’s not moving.

      The fish and chips are good. I’ve never eaten them at home before, but still good as takeout.

      I hope you’re all doing well.

      Like

  9. Hahaha! Thanks for the smiles Dan. I needed this. Ummm….David didn’t seem to notice his obvious lack of cherries. Shhhhhh….
    I sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Same as teeth brushing. I wouldn’t mind hearing Rod Serling’s intro to Twilight Zone in my head though…or maybe whistling the opening them to X-Files. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. David will catch you next week for cherries. I’m trying to keep the bar open, the Corona, bourbon and humor flowing. Faith could whistle the X-Files theme, I could not.

      Like

    1. Always!

      Maddie has been dragging me out early for our walks. It’s like she notes the temperature when she goes out first thing and gauges her response from there. I think, if we had been a few minutes earlier, those shadows would have gone onto the houses at the end of the street.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It was a great day, Janet, but a little cool. I’ll take those degrees if you can figure out how to deliver them. I’m used to getting my weather from you (and not liking it).

      Like

  10. I’ve heard that saying about projects and hardware stores and MAN, is that true. The day we had to swap out our smoke detectors out — I mean, I knew it would take a block of time but not the 3 trips to the store kind of time. Sheesh!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s so frustrating when it happens. The good news is we have a local store that’s still open. The bad news is I know the guy so he’d made fun of me. The first bolts were too wide. The second ones were too long. AND I measured.

      At least the old vise wasn’t in my trash can beeping at me 😏

      Like

  11. I love the way Maddie always seems to curl up on the couch there. She looks quite big but so small when she curls up into that ball. And those eyes and her coat. She’s a beautiful dog. Did I say dog? She’s a beautiful “person.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thanks Don. We refer to that as an “itty-bitty-Mitzi-dog” since our first Irish setter used to do that. They go from that to upside down and sprawled across all three cushions. That’s not a pretty sight.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. This was really funny, Dan! A bit of Abbott and Costello humor there with vise and vice. Thanks for the great Maggie pic and of course the sun pic. BTW, the manufacturer of Corona and hubby’s favorite beer Negro Modelo has shut down manufacturing in Mexico doe to the virus. Hubby is picking up two cases today in case he runs out. Beer hoarding could be new thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I might do the same, Jennie. I doubt I can buy enough to see me through. If not, I think they’re still brewing Dos Equis.

      I’m glad you enjoyed a little fun back and forth, Still trying to keep it light.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, they are still brewing. Steve checked in his moment of panic. 😀 Like you, he probably can’t buy enough to see him through. So, he can then move on to Dos Equis.

        The back and forth was really fun! Best to you, Dan.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. When I eventually make my way over here to see what you’ve been up to, I’m NEVER disappointed! Cheers to you and another excellent SoCS post. I chuckled at the post and then the walking sign on the post too! You put the heart-warming ice melting effect on the bottle of Corona with all the extra help with the ideas you received ;-)! Well done, Dan!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Why is the Protestant Doxology so much longer? I’ll Google.
    Because OCD I wash my hands in a ritual way, like a dance. Same routine every time. No song needed, just muscle memory. You’d think ME with the OCD tendencies, would be the last person sick, but I question pens, keyboards, phones… I swear I didn’t lick anything at work.
    I am so ready for spring. I am truly eager to put my feet in warm green grass.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think the Catholic version is actually the “Glory be…” hymn. It may actually go faster, but I needed to pick on my Methodist upbringing so I took some literary license with their version “Praise God from whom all blessings…” which might only be longer if you add the prolonged “Aaaaaaaaaaaamen.”

      There are so many things that we touch and share without thinking until it’s too late.

      I am also looking forward to spring, more each day.

      I hope you’re feeling better, or at least beginning to.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. That fat-paw kitty picture has to be my photo of choice today. :) Sometimes, when I wash my hands, I recite the confrontation speech from LABYRINTH: “Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great — You have no power over me.” Sometimes I shout the last line. Take THAT, Coronavirus!

    Liked by 1 person

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