As in we’re not going stir crazy at the No Facilities Bar. We’re trying to keep our good humor about us as we work around Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt. This week, we have:
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is ‘deep.’ Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”
If we were having a beer, we’d be looking for humor as we keep trying to cope.
“Dan, I was wondering, did you take a part time job at the hardware store?”
“No! Why would you think that?”
“I drove by a few times on Wednesday and each time, your car was there.”
“I needed a few bolts, but I bought the wrong sizes and had to go back.”
“I’ve heard that every successful project requires three trips to the hardware store.”
“That’s about right, I bought the wrong size the second time, too.”
“What were you doing?”
“I picked up a new vise last Friday and I wanted to install it
“Lemmie guess, Costco was out of toilet paper, so you bought a big screen TV?”
“Huh?”
“Your new vice.”
“No, it’s a new vise.”
“Is it something we can talk about in front of Cheryl?”
“You boys better be keeping it clean, I run a family place here. The usual, guys?”
“It’s not what you think…yes Cheryl, the usual. A Corona for me and give him some bourbon.”
“Are you buying, Dan?”
“Yes, David. I think it’s my turn.”
“OK, guys, I’ll be right back.”
“Um, Cheryl…”
“Yes David. I’ll remember the cherries.”
“And pour his plague-beer into a glass.”
“Oh, right. OK.”
“There, she’s gone, you can tell me about this new vice.”
“Sigh…it’s a vise.
“I know, it’s a keg-o-lator and a quarter-keg of Corona; you don’t want Cheryl to know you’re going to quarantine without her.”
“It’s a freakin’ vise, a new vise!”
“Most people try to keep those deep under the radar, Dan. Here’s your Corona.”
“Cheryl, David’s confused.”
“Uh huh, well, maybe some John Howell’s Bourbon will clear his head. Or the seltzer or the ice.”
“Thanks Cheryl. Cheers Dan, here’s to your new vice…whatever it is.”
“You don’t understand. This is a vise, a woodworking vise, the kind you mount to a workbench with bolts from the hardware store.”
“I know that, I was just messing with you.”
“Jerk!”
“You’re so gullible, Dan. I picked up on it right away.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Cheryl?”
“Where’s the fun in that? You boys want any food?”
“Maybe later, Cheryl. Right now, I need to use the little boy’s room.”
“You really had him going, David.”
“I know, he is gullible. It’s almost too easy.”
“Shhh, here he comes.”
“Your phone was beeping while you were gone.”
“Oh, thanks.”
“Before you pick it up, did you wash your hands?”
“Who are you, my mother? Of course, I washed my hands.”
“Just checking. Did you sing the Alphabet song?”
“No, I rattled off the opening monologue from Star Trek.”
“That’s a good idea. Original Series or Next Gen.”
“Next Gen. It was Mary’s idea, so I need to be inclusive.”
“Mary the mac & cheese lady? She’s giving you a bunch of ideas this week.”
“That’s how it goes sometimes.”
“So, do you say that in Picard’s voice, Dan?”
“Sometimes, I catch myself saying civ-il-I-zay-shun.”
“Is that your go-to mantra or do you revert to the alphabet in the morning?”
“Actually, in the morning, I sing the Doxology.”
“Protestant or Catholic?”
“Does it matter, David?”
“I would think so. That Protestant deal seems longer than twenty seconds.”
“Thirty-six, but it reminds me of saner times, when people could gather in groups.”
“And sing off key.”
“Well, yeah, Methodists are known for that. What do you sing while washing your hands, David?”
“When I wash my hands, I sing Marilyn Monroe’s version of Happy Birthday.”
“And you talk about my vices?”
“Hey, she wasn’t singing to me.”
“You boys still wallowing deep in the gutter over here?”
“No, Cheryl, you just have bad timing.”
“Oooooooh-kay, Dan. Can I get you another round?”
“What a good idea.”
“Are you going to check you phone, Dan.”
“I didn’t want to offend.”
“It’s OK, I’m curious, it looked important.”
“Ah yes, Apple says my screen time was up thirty-seven percent last week.”
“Small wonder, with all those new vices.”
I gleaned some of the dialog from text-conversations. If you’re old enough to remember the comic strip, “They’ll Do It Every Time,” You might remember that they ended with “A tip of the hat to…” Well, this week, I need to tip my hat to our daughter Faith, who was responding to the Star Trek thing by Mary, and my brother for the Marilyn Monroe reference. Stay safe, stay inside and stay healthy folks. And, if you’re going stir crazy, remember to check Cheryl’s daily bit of beauty and you can always hop on board “The Delta Pearl” by Teagan.
No Facilities 
So much fun in this post, Dan! And OMG, fish and chips…! The gallery is beautiful. Thanks for the mention. Hugs on the wing!
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I love Skooters’s fish & chips, but I’ve always had it at the counter. It’s weird getting it as takeout, but it worked. We’re trying to have a good time, in spite of the circumstances.
Take care.
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That food looks amazing, the vise looks able to handle whatever you have going, and Maddie understands an early walk is safer. Life is good at your house even with these new stay at home requirements. Stay safe, and I LOVE the post title – timely.
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I hope you’re staying safe and healthy, Judy. Maddie took me out early today. I think she thinks/knows it’s going to rain. The vise is nice. It’s a big improvement over the old one. I’m puttering around in the shop, until I can start some projects. I need about 10 more degrees on the average temp.
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I’ll second that 10 degrees. :-)
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I’m not being greedy, 60s would be fine for a while.
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Damn you. Now I won’t be able to wash my hands without channeling Marilyn. No good can come of that!
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You can blame my brother for that one. Blame me if you’re chanting the Doxology, and blame Mary/Faith if Captain Picard is with you at the sink. As long as you wash, it’s OK.
Take care!
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Oh yes humor is good, Dan! Thanks for the laugh or two! I’m running into a lot of folks who are laughing. Cool beans. Loved your gallery. Stay safe as you gather your necessities for your wood building projects. Crossing fingers this isolation is over soon. FYI …. You couldn’t have retired at a better time. There really are blessings from out of this tragedy! Have a great weekend!!
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Thanks Amy. I was hoping to explore a bit more in retirement, but we’re doing well. We have what we need and we can stay busy, and we can laugh.
Take care!
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You never disappoint Dan. I think we all need a smile first thing in the morning. As for Maddie? How can you resist that face? Stay well.
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How can you resist? That’s what she said as she stood next to the chair where her harness is hanging, with her nose pointing to the door. And I couldn’t resist. Maddie had been for a walk. MuMu has been brushed and MiMi has escaped to the couch downstairs d we here it’s still dark and quiet.
I hope you have a good weekend, Pam. Stay safe. Stay healthy.
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I couldn’t explain what it is about the word, but I’ve always loved Doxology – I think John Steinbeck named a horse Dox? East of Eden, was it?
Anyway, I thought of you yesterday – is it true what I read that Corona beer is being sidelined for the duration? Better get that keg while you can!
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I always loved the word and the hymn. Only once that I can remember, we sang all the verses. Best day ever.
I did read that they stopped brewing Corona. I’ll buy a case today, if I can. I think we should drink it in defiance.
Stay safe, Maggie.
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It seems everyone at the bar is doing just fine! I believe I am too after 3 weeks in quarantine – aren’t I ?
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Ha ha – you always manage to share a gem, GP. I do feel that way sometimes. I hope it warms up enough to start working outside, soon.
Keep counting, and stay well.
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I’m hoping the weatherman is right and we’ll have 2 days in the 70’s, because by the end of the week, we’re supposed to be at 91* !!!!
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91°? In April? Oh, that’s too hot.
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That’s my point!
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How long will it take ? The classic question preceding all projects. Yesterday was tinker with the wisteria trellis day. A half hour turned into most of the afternoon. With a can we just pull it back up where it was cause it is sagging. With a don’t trim it too much you might cut off the blooms. Some things just end up being a series of compromises. Kinda like your beverage glass. For the sake of drama I would be sorely tempted to politely ask Cheryl to give the beer with the plague glass to the guy who is so worried about it and give the bourbon to you – even with those cherries in it. Mind you just for a touch of drama. Today looks like a mix of weeding, feeding the weeds to the compost pile, some fertilizing, and more mulching. I will save the skippy works at the garden center for tonight. Oh and the gardening chores will require several hydration units au natural in the bottle. It is gardening no ladders or power tools involved. …after another cup of coffee and the outdoor temps warm up just a touch. The sunrise pictures are awesome.
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“outside temps warm up.” That’s what I’m waiting for, John. 10 more degrees on average band I’ll be fine. I can always switch back to one of my other favorite beers.
Good luck in the garden. Try to keep those compromises weighted to you. Take care.
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I enjoyed the story and photos. The picture of Mumu is priceless. You mentioned how rarely you see a plane, and I realized I haven’t seen one for weeks. Goodness! Stay well…
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Hi Gwen. We normally see quite a few planes landing as we walk. We’re only 2 miles from BDL. But all the airlines have cut back. Some have stopped flying here altogether.
Take care.
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“Marilyn Monroe’s version of Happy Birthday”! Still laughing. Good grief, you could do a full body scrub getting through that!!
Terrific post today. Humor is such a welcome relief.
Love the shadow shot of you and Maddie. Smokey and Chippy are oblivious to Covid-19. I envy them. Their biggest worry is finding the nice Peanut Man, who is never very far away!
Enjoy your new vice, or vise – if you have one of those too! 😂😂
Continued good health to you and the Editor and Faith. Stay as safe as you can, and stay home. Murphy and I send the same wishes to the 3-M’s. BTW, Murphy was very pleased to see “no eye glasses” restricting MuMu’s siesta! 🤗
🐾Ginger 🐾
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I’m glad you still enjoy my attempts at humor, Ginger. When my brother made the Marilyn comment, I told him “I might have to use that at the bar” – he replied, “be my guest,” and the die was cast.
Maddie dragged me out early again today, but no shadows. Trying yo best the rain. Soon, I hope, we’ll be trying to beat the heat.
Chippy and Smokey need to be on their toes, we have hawks overhead.
No glasses, MuMu has won the battle.
I hope you can all stay safe snd healthy.
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Hi Dan – had to look up vise … but of course forgot the translation bit – to American! Love the photo of Maddie … while Mumu ‘ain’t’ leaving soon – way too comfortable. Squirrel Nutkin is very pretty – I see she has a name (Chippy) … as too Smokey … glad all is well – and people are keeping an eye on you at the Tool shop – take care and cheers Hilary
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Thanks Hilary. I didn’t realize (realise) you guys use “vice” for both meanings. Kind of defeats my humor a bit. Oh well.
The critters here know how yo get comfortable, that’s for sure.
I hope you’re staying safe and healthy.
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It’s the way it goes … not sure why we (us English) have to adhere to American!! But we hang on to our language … just. All well here – hopefully safe through this thing … take care of family – cheers Hilary
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You should have fought harder in the 1770s. I wouldn’t mind if you had won 😏
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Hi Dan – I should know more about American history … but struggled to learn ours – and still haven’t mastered it, let alone the European side of history; I learnt a little more when I was in Canada … again not enough …
I’ll need to look at your idea … there isn’t anyone I can ask about it right now … but will definitely keep it in mind. I guess we were trying to protect other interests – India, Australia, Canada and it was one too many – with a few other enemies in Europe – the French and the Spanish …
I must look – something I really should know about … take care … my brain is addled now! Cheers H
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Our history is easier to learn, Hilary. It started later and we had far fewer people trying to conquer us ;-)
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SoCS…the Saturday frontier. These are the voyages of Linda Hill’s bloggers. It’s never-ending mission: to explore fish and chips and Corona beer. To seek out nuts and bolts and personal vices. To boldly go where an Irish setter or sleeping cat has gone before.
Do, do, dooooo!
Awesome post, Dan. 500 bonus points! I sing the doxology once a month after communion, but I didn’t think to wash my hands with it. Something new for tomorrow!
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Thanks Mary. Great job on the Star Trek parody!
I am enclosing a coupon for a free Porter or Stout of your (and Faith’s) choice, to be redeemed at your convenience at the No Facilities bar. Of course, you’re also welcome to a glass of John Howell’s Bourbon, if you prefer.
The Doxology is a deep wash, song, 36 seconds as opposed to 20, but in these difficult times…
Take care.
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A coupon? Yayyy! I am good with any Porter or Stout (chocolate?), but wondering if Cheryl knows how to make a brandy old fashioned sour with muddled fruit. It’s the only hard liquor beverage I drink these days.
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I’m sure Cheryl can conjure up one of those. You might have to fight David for the cherries, but…
They do sometimes have Sweet Baby Jesus Chocolate Peanut Butter Stout available in bottles – https://duclaw.com/beers/sweet-baby-jesus-2/
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That beer sounds awesome! It’s not sold around here, but I’ll have to look for it next time I visit D.C.
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I bought some for Faith at Thanksgiving. She said it was very good.
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Thanks again for the mention, Dan. I enjoyed the play on vice, vise. Also, your use of the prompt was sterling. The fish and chips looked great. Your photos made it look like a nice day in the neighborhood. It was good to see Smoky out and about. Maddie takes up your side of the couch. cute. Stay well. The Doxology is a super idea.
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You’re welcome, John. I figure people need consistency, more than anything, something that isn’t subject to change. Therefore, until further notice, we will continue serving John Howell’s Bourbon and Corona, even if Cheryl has to dip into her hidden stash. Actually, the real bartender once hid the last two bottles of Corona for me.
We’ve had a bunch of nice days, but I could really use about 10 more degrees. I’m not greedy, just something in a 60+
Maddie always takes the pillows when she’s decided that we’re done sitting. If we’re not done, I can get up and refill my coffee. When we’re done, she moves. She’s got me very well trained.
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Lucy has us trained for her morning walk. We have 45 degrees and rain here today. Not very nice.
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Yuck. I feel better about 50° and overcast.
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Yes. I just finished my Views for tomorrow and Twiggy and I are soaked. 47 degree right now.
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A cold wet walk. Sorry for you, but your readers appreciate the effort.
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Aw. a nice thing to say , Dan
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LOL! Maddie lives by the same rules we have around here, “Move your feet lose your seat!” 😀
I’m so boring I’m just singing the Happy Birthday song.
The fish and chips look yummy!
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Space, the final frontier… I like it better than A,B,C,D…
Maddie does like your rule. Those pillows are warm, she’s not moving.
The fish and chips are good. I’ve never eaten them at home before, but still good as takeout.
I hope you’re all doing well.
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The picture of MuMu in the feature image is striking. That pose is calming. We should all stretch out like cats. Kitty yoga 😂. Or sing the Doxology often! That works too.
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I can sing, but I’m not sure I can get my feet going one way and my hands and head going a different way.
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Hahaha! Thanks for the smiles Dan. I needed this. Ummm….David didn’t seem to notice his obvious lack of cherries. Shhhhhh….
I sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Same as teeth brushing. I wouldn’t mind hearing Rod Serling’s intro to Twilight Zone in my head though…or maybe whistling the opening them to X-Files. 😉
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David will catch you next week for cherries. I’m trying to keep the bar open, the Corona, bourbon and humor flowing. Faith could whistle the X-Files theme, I could not.
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I can, I can, and I can’t even whistle normally. I can do that one and the theme to Andy Griffith.
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Ha ha. I can do that one in my sleep.
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It was “a tip of the Hatlo hat to…” when Johnny Hatlo drew it, remember?
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I do. I loved that comic when I was growing up.
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Love the photo of Maddie, she is so beautiful, and the chipmunk! I haven’t seen a chipmunk in many many years, such cuties.
Sent from my iPad
>
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Maddie thanks you. Well, maybe it’s nodding in agreement, but we’re calling thanks. Chippy is a crazy little bugger but we mostly love him.
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Wow, those are some long shadows! Oh, and washing hands after using the washroom? Always good ad-vise.
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Always!
Maddie has been dragging me out early for our walks. It’s like she notes the temperature when she goes out first thing and gauges her response from there. I think, if we had been a few minutes earlier, those shadows would have gone onto the houses at the end of the street.
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Nice photos, especially the squirrel. I sing the ‘Happy Birthday’ song. :)
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Whatever works, Deborah. Feeding the squirrels seems to be my social activity for the foreseeable future ;)
Take care.
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I am sure the squirrels appreciate it. I am keeping an eye on the bumble bees. :)
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We will be, once we start seeing them.
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Looks like a beautiful day in the neighborhood, Dan, Dan Bond. I could send you 10 degrees and still be in pretty good shape. I’ll see what I can do.
janet
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It was a great day, Janet, but a little cool. I’ll take those degrees if you can figure out how to deliver them. I’m used to getting my weather from you (and not liking it).
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That has all changed…except perhaps in summer, when we could swap the other direction and you could throw in some humidity.
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Will you still escape to the mountains this year?
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I hope so, but we’ll have to see what the situation is then.
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I’ve heard that saying about projects and hardware stores and MAN, is that true. The day we had to swap out our smoke detectors out — I mean, I knew it would take a block of time but not the 3 trips to the store kind of time. Sheesh!
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It’s so frustrating when it happens. The good news is we have a local store that’s still open. The bad news is I know the guy so he’d made fun of me. The first bolts were too wide. The second ones were too long. AND I measured.
At least the old vise wasn’t in my trash can beeping at me 😏
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I love the way Maddie always seems to curl up on the couch there. She looks quite big but so small when she curls up into that ball. And those eyes and her coat. She’s a beautiful dog. Did I say dog? She’s a beautiful “person.”
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Aww, thanks Don. We refer to that as an “itty-bitty-Mitzi-dog” since our first Irish setter used to do that. They go from that to upside down and sprawled across all three cushions. That’s not a pretty sight.
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You should take shot of her like that. :)
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I have. I’ll try to find one for tomorrow’s post ;)
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This was really funny, Dan! A bit of Abbott and Costello humor there with vise and vice. Thanks for the great Maggie pic and of course the sun pic. BTW, the manufacturer of Corona and hubby’s favorite beer Negro Modelo has shut down manufacturing in Mexico doe to the virus. Hubby is picking up two cases today in case he runs out. Beer hoarding could be new thing.
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I might do the same, Jennie. I doubt I can buy enough to see me through. If not, I think they’re still brewing Dos Equis.
I’m glad you enjoyed a little fun back and forth, Still trying to keep it light.
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Yes, they are still brewing. Steve checked in his moment of panic. 😀 Like you, he probably can’t buy enough to see him through. So, he can then move on to Dos Equis.
The back and forth was really fun! Best to you, Dan.
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Phew!
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Yes!
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I got 2 12-packs of Corona today.
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Good to know! Proactive is a good thing, especially with beer.
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They can limit TP to one pack per customer, but there’s 2 12-packs in a case, so…
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I like your train of thought!
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When I eventually make my way over here to see what you’ve been up to, I’m NEVER disappointed! Cheers to you and another excellent SoCS post. I chuckled at the post and then the walking sign on the post too! You put the heart-warming ice melting effect on the bottle of Corona with all the extra help with the ideas you received ;-)! Well done, Dan!
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Thanks Shelley. We had had this conversations about hand washing songs and I hoped to be able to work them in. I need to retreat to the bar, even it’s it’s make believe.
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You’re so darn clever!
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Why is the Protestant Doxology so much longer? I’ll Google.
Because OCD I wash my hands in a ritual way, like a dance. Same routine every time. No song needed, just muscle memory. You’d think ME with the OCD tendencies, would be the last person sick, but I question pens, keyboards, phones… I swear I didn’t lick anything at work.
I am so ready for spring. I am truly eager to put my feet in warm green grass.
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I think the Catholic version is actually the “Glory be…” hymn. It may actually go faster, but I needed to pick on my Methodist upbringing so I took some literary license with their version “Praise God from whom all blessings…” which might only be longer if you add the prolonged “Aaaaaaaaaaaamen.”
There are so many things that we touch and share without thinking until it’s too late.
I am also looking forward to spring, more each day.
I hope you’re feeling better, or at least beginning to.
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Glory Be, mmhm.
I hope you got some of this delightfully warm and sunny weather — I so enjoyed a porch sit and a walk :)
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I am very happy to know that you were able to go for a walk. That sounds like you are feeling better. We had a couple very nice days, then windy and rain.
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That fat-paw kitty picture has to be my photo of choice today. :) Sometimes, when I wash my hands, I recite the confrontation speech from LABYRINTH: “Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great — You have no power over me.” Sometimes I shout the last line. Take THAT, Coronavirus!
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Hahaha – take that, indeed.
As much as MuMu protests. those paws get grabbed.
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