Normally, I would make some joke about welcoming you to the oven, but even at 99°f (37°c), we aren’t the hottest place on earth, and we certainly aren’t alone. On the other hand, I’m sure the thought of an ice-cold beer sits well with many of you (feel free to substitute your beverage of choice). Regardless of the heatwave, Linda G. Hill has a Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt for us. We’ll deal with it slowly, from the cool comfort the inside bar.
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is ‘the first 2-5 words at the top of the closest printed matter.’ Open (if necessary) the closest printed matter to you. Use the first 2-5 words at the top of the page any way you’d like in your post. Have fun!”
And it’s a challenge for me. I was buying something online earlier, and the “closest printed matter” to me is a grocery store receipt that was stuck in my wallet. I’m going to skip past the store’s address and go with item one – “Deli – Pastrami – $11.94 – Savings: $1.67.” Have fun, indeed.
If we were having a beer, you’d be a bit impatient.
“You’re late, Dan. I hope you have a good reason.”
“David, it just turned three-o-one. I wouldn’t call forty-five seconds late.”
“He was hoping you were early, Dan. You know, to open the tab.”
“I’ll open it, in his name, and I’ll put a Corona on it to get it moving in the right direction.”
“Is it my week to pay, Dan?”
“It is now, David.”
“What the heck, I should pay more often than I do, my bourbon costs a lot more than your beer.”
“We’re not accountants.”
“Here you go guys. A John Howell’s Special, and an ice-cold Corona. Regarding the accountants, the group of women ahead of you could have used one.”
“Why, Cheryl. What happened?”
“There were four of them. Three were drinking wine. The other one pounded down three Cosmos. When the heavy hitter finished her third, she told the group she had to go, tossed a twenty on the bar, and walked out.”
“No tip?”
“No tip? Dan, I know you’re not accustomed to liquor prices, but the twenty didn’t cover her drinks. Then the other three asked for separate checks.”
“Ouch – so you got stuck with the shortage?”
“Yep, it has to come out of my drawer.”
“Cheryl?”
“Yes, David.”
“Put one of those cosmos on my tab. Consider the twenty as the tip from the group.”
“David…”
“Cheryl, do as he says.”
“OK, Dan. Thank you, David.”
“That was very nice of you, David. And you know what? I’m not surprised.”
“You’re not? I thought that would shock you, Dan.”
“Nope. I’ve known all along what a nice guy you are under that gruff exterior.”
“You guys want any food today?”
“Either we split some wings, or I go home to a terrible sandwich. I’ll even pay for the wings.”
“OK, I’ll put those in. Twenty wings. Blue Cheese for David, Parm Pep for Dan.”
“Thanks Cheryl.”
“I’ll let you pay for the wings, Dan, but why would you have a terrible sandwich?”
“Well, it starts with…”
“Whoa, hold it. ‘It starts with…?’ I don’t have all day, Dan.”
“I’ll keep it short. It starts with the fact that the Deli at Big-Y had pastrami on sale, yesterday.”
“Their store brand or Boars Head?”
“Store brand, which I prefer over Boars Head, not that it matters.”
“And then?”
“When I got to the dairy aisle, they didn’t have any Swiss cheese.”
“That stinks. What did you do?”
“What could I do? You can’t put deli meat back. Normally, it wouldn’t matter, but I had run out of Swiss cheese. So, I stopped at Stop and Shop and then again at Target.”
“Don’t tell me they were all out of Swiss cheese.”
“Yes, they were. All three, out of Swiss.”
“What brand were you looking for?”
“I prefer Sargento ultra-thin slices, but they didn’t even have their store brand. They didn’t even have hunks of Swiss.”
“Were they out of cheese in general or just Swiss?”
“Just Swiss. Apparently, it’s a supply chain issue.”
“What’s so special about the supply chain for Swiss cheese, did they run out of holes?”
“Ha! Maybe. All I know is pastrami and cheddar is not a good sandwich.”
“Maybe it’s just a New England thing. Did you check online?”
“David, the temperature across the country hovering at a hundred degrees, I’m not having a pack of cheese shipped here.”
“Here you go guys, barbecue wings, a fresh bourbon, a cold Corona and four slices of Swiss cheese to go.”
“Swiss cheese to go?”
“I told my manager what David did with the cosmo skip. Then he heard you guys talking about the cheese, so he cut four slices for you, Dan.”
“Wait, Cheryl, I did the cosmo thing, but Dan gets the cheese?”
“Yes, David. Consider it a pay-it-forward thing. But you get a free glass of John Howell’s bourbon.”
“Cheers Dan, enjoy the holes.”
All five of my current books are now available in audio book form thanks to Amazon KDP’s Virtual Voice process. The voice is AI generated, but I can honestly say, it’s pretty darn good. The audio books are reasonably priced (all below $7 US) and, if you already own the Kindle version and want to add an audio version, you can do that for $1.99. There is a five-minute sample on the book page for each book. If you’re interested, click on any of the Dreamer’s Alliance book links below the image or on the link below for my latest book.
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