Um, Excuse Me… – #1LinerWeds

My one-liner today comes courtesy of the wife in the couple sitting near me at the bar on Saturday.

Hubs: “I’ll have the Grilled Atlantic Salmon Salad, but no bacon please.”

Wife: “What my husband meant to say is that he’d like the bacon on the side, or on my salad.”

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s fun weekly series One-Liner Wednesday. If you have a one-liner, or if you would like to join in on the fun, you can follow this link to participate and to see the one-liners from the other participants.


If you like speculative fiction with suspense, action and a bit of family sarcasm, you will enjoy these books:

Knuckleheads
The Evil You Choose
When Evil Chooses You

Series page on Amazon

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58 comments

  1. It looks so beautiful, but six inches of wet snow is hard on the back. The snow blower ranks right up there with fire and the wheel on the list of important inventions, doesn’t it? I loved the one-liner! Sometimes an overheard conversation is the best entertainment of the day.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Everyone who heard her, including the bartender was laughing. The snow blower is a back saver, that’s for sure. I can still wield a shovel, but when the snow is wet, and in addition to being heavy, it sticks to the shovel, it’s not a good thing.

      Liked by 2 people

    • The cover only gets removed when I take the machine for service. I love it. I typically shovel when we have less than 3″. More than that, I use the machine. The cover is the best on windy days with light snow. I used to be white, from head to toe on those days from the snow blowing back at me, or sideways off the lawn. Now, I’m dry (and I have a cup holder mounted, so I have coffee). The headlight is also mounted on the frame for the cover, although, now that I’m retired, I not often out in the dark.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. It looks magical! The birds and critters look like they’re loving that seed.
    I put out the seed and suet feeders in the winter and it never takes long for them to discover them. Now you’ve got me wondering if the woodpecker seed block I put on the ground for the ground feeders is no waste?! I hope so b/c the Quail, Towhees, and even the Sparrows love it.

    I’d take that bacon too! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • We mix the no-waste seed with some other seeds and nut pieces. We also toss out suet chunks. Everybody seem to like it. I like seeing the whole gang gathered on the ground. That woman had us all laughing over the bacon.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dan, I will be laughing at today’s one-liner for some time to come!

    We got 4-1/2” of heavy wet snow. The photos of the birds foraging for seeds on your lawn could be our lawn. I do the same. We have at least two dozen Mourning Doves, BlueJays and an abundance and variety of small birds. I love watching them.

    I swear I heard Maddie telling Murphy, “Look, my DogDad shoveled my porch!” And Murphy replied, “What?! You had your own porch?”

    Love the Old Glory at your supermarket. We have a Perkins not far from here and they fly a flag that must be the size of Rhode Island. A beautiful sight indeed!

    Ginger

    Liked by 2 people

    • That lady had us all laughing at the bar, Ginger. So much for healthy eating.

      I think Perkin’s must have a rule about having the biggest flag within 20 miles.

      As I used to try and remind Maddie, “her” porch is supposed to be an exit from my workshop. She claimed it when I put the first temporary floor on half of it. She would check to see that I cleared that porch, and her “rest areas.” One time, when I was in a hurry, I didn’t do the angled slots between the bushes. My wife told me, “you have more work to do out there.”

      I guess the next storm is going to wash this one away. Enjoy the white cover while it lasts.

      Like

  4. I will admit to listening to other peoples’ conversations. I get some great stuff! Yours was brilliant. We had a little snow on Sunday but at least it didn’t stay. They are calling for another storm on Thursday and we may look like you are now. We seem to get pretty much the same weather you do. Oh well… March is coming…

    Liked by 1 person

    • We are flirting with that next storm, Pam, but we seem to be on the rain side of the R/S line. I’d rather have the snow, but I’ll take whatever we get. I barely heard the guy ask for the bacon on the side, but everyone heard his wife’s correction. I hope you get through whatever falls your way.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I was we were getting snow here. The rain hasn’t stopped since before dawn here and, according to the forecast, isn’t going to stop until last afternoon, if then. Is the cypress a tree or a bush? It looks like something I may like to have in my yard.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We will likely get rain tomorrow and Friday. The cypress are trees. We got them from fastgrowingtrees.com to try and block the lights from the street behind us. They are growing nicely, but still a little too short for the job.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. That one-liner is funny. I can well imagine everyone laughing at that!
    I wondered about the squirrels getting food–sure enough, there they were. We’re having some very heavy rain that started during the night and is supposed to last all day. I never see squirrels out in the rain down here.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That’s funny. My hubby doesn’t eat salad. When a meal comes with a salad he tells the waiter he doesn’t want the salad. I always say, “Excuse me, he’s wrong. he does want the salad.” Then I eat it. Recently he looks at me and says, “Do I want the salad?” Your snowy pictures are lovely and remind me why I moved to Spain!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s funny. I don’t eat the dinner salad at this place. It’s mixed greens and I don’t like those. I will text my wife and ask her if she wants me to bring it home. Otherwise, I’ll trade it for a bowl of soup. If the soup looks particularly good, I don’t ask ;-)

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Kudos to the snow blower for re-locating the heavy wet snow. Those three words would send chills up my spine if we didn’t have our trusty snow blower. The first couple of winters after we made the investment we hardly had any snow, but my gosh the return on investment came quite quickly after that. A couple of neighbors are happy we have it as well. That’s great you still clear off Maddie’s porch locale. Made me smile. As for bacon, I want all the unwanted bacon there is.🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was so nervous the first year we moved here. We really couldn’t afford to buy the machine, but I couldn’t do it by hand. I was hoping we’d have enough snow to justify the purchase. We had 86″ that winter – I felt relieved.

      I used to clear sidewalks and driveways for a few neighbors. They have since passed away and now younger families own those houses. This was the first time I only had to clear my driveway and sidewalk.

      You’d have to fight that woman for the bacon ;-)

      Liked by 2 people

  9. And the touch pad wins again. Mine does not toggle off. As for the Bacon Lady I am surprised she did not say “Don’t Boggart that bacon – put it on my salad.” And yes any soup beats salad hands down. If I am desperate for greens we can go to Olive Garden and get the Zuppa Toscana. It has kale in it. And unlimited refills. One of these days I am going to do all refills for dinner and take the main course home in a box. Happy Wednesday

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Haha! A match made in heaven — if only he’d remember to give her the bacon.
    Glad you used your snow machine, Dan. That wet snow is the worst. Lately I’ve been had the random thought “Maybe I should move up to Santa Fe.” This is a good reminder of how grateful I am to be away from that much snow. Stay safe and warm. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I can relate to the one liner today, Dan. My husband on our first date saw that I couldn’t finish what was on my plate to which I asked him if he wanted what I couldn’t eat. A home run for him! He knew right there he was going to marry me. Fyi …. that snow is coming our way.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. My father used to hand feed the Jays that would show up in his back yard. He didn’t always watch what they did with the nuts (still in the shell-unsalted, raw) but eventually, his flower bed began springing up with these strange looking plants! Yep… the Jays were burying their nuts in the flower garden!!! LOL My dad had one old Jay that he nicknamed ‘Numb-nuts’ and then Numb Nuts started a family, and had a little male Jay–so my dad nicknamed him ‘Jr.’. Such fun…

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s funny. Maybe the blue jay was a farmer. I’ve only seen one that stayed in sight after taking a peanut. He wedged it in the notch of a tree and pecked it open. When I can, if I see them, I try to give them the broken ones. Squirrels won’t bury broken peanuts (they eat them immediately).

      Like

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