Since it’s the custom of marketing giants everywhere to extend a day into a week, a month, or in the case of Christmas, an entire season; we’re still celebrating St. Patrick’s Day at the bar. David and I are here to relax. While we’re here, we’ll continue bashing people who are bad at marketing as we wrestle with Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt:
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is ‘tape.’ Use it as a noun or a verb. Use it any way you like. Enjoy!”
If we were having a beer, the topic would be marketing, or data, or privacy, or….
“Hey Dan. Can I get you your usual beverages?”
“You can, Cheryl. It’s been a busy week, and I’m ready for a nice cold beer.”
“OK, I’ll be right back, and David, I’ll bring some John Howell’s Bourbon.”
“Did I see a picture of Preston on your blog, Dan?”
“Yeah. I was cat sitting on Monday and Tuesday. Faith was out of town at a meeting.”
“Tough days to be out of town. I hope she was able to avoid the snow.”
“She sat out the storm in a hotel. I sat with my fluffy buddy.”
“Here you go guys. Now don’t get mad at me, but I’m supposed to ask you to join our loyalty program.”
“No thanks, Cheryl. I saw the sign out front, and I’m not interested.”
“I didn’t think you would be, Dan, and I know David isn’t doing anything where he has to put his credit card on file.”
“It is a ridiculous requirement. It’s just one more place to worry about my information being stollen when they get hacked.”
“I’m supposed to tell you that it’s designed to make your life easier. That way, you get points automatically just by using that card.”
“But I don’t always use that card.”
“Don’t shoot the messenger, David. I knew you guys wouldn’t be interested.”
“I’ve been coming here since this place opened. I think that’s loyalty enough. If your boss is going to treat me like a stranger because I won’t give him my personal information, I’ll start being loyal to a different bar.”
“It’s not even him, Dan.”
“What do you mean, David?”
“I was here on Wednesday. They taped a flier to the slip. It’s a national service.”
“That’s even worse. Do they understand we come here because this bar is local, and we like the bartender?”
“♫You’re nobody ‘til somebody ♪tracks you, Dan.”
“I think Dean’s message was ‘loves you,’ David.”
“That was then.”
“He’s right, Dan. Get with the program. Here’s your beer, and David, your bourbon, seltzer, ice, and cherries.”
“If I sign up for the loyalty program, Cheryl. Will Skippy get my drink orders right?”
“David, it’s a marketing ploy, not a magic carpet ride.”
“How ‘bout the owner steps up and gives us a beer on the house? That way, he doesn’t have to share our information with anyone. He doesn’t have to pay for the service, and we’ll feel, you know, like he recognizes us.”
“That doesn’t work for takeout orders, Dan.”
“It works for me. I take food home almost every week.”
“Dan, not everyone sits at the bar for two beers worth of conversation before placing a takeout order.”
“Would you rather I just phoned it in, David?”
“No! It’s your turn to buy.”
“I think the thing that confuses me the most, is that companies have all this information, but they still don’t provide better service.”
“Cheryl, I sense a rant coming on. Please stand ready with another round.”
“OK, David.”
“Alright, Dan, who has you up in arms this week?”
“WordPress.”
“That was last week’s rant. Is this a new complaint?”
“Yes.”
“OK, permission to rant.”
“It’s not a complaint, David. It’s just weird. They’ve been pestering me for over a month to renew my blog plan.”
“When does it expire?”
“At the end of April.”
“Maybe they had their money with Silicon Valley Bank. They might be broke.”
“Perhaps, but they act like I’m a newbie. I finally renewed, just to stop the constant flow of emails. They sent me a ‘Welcome to WordPress’ email with instructions on how to build my new website.”
“You’re not starting another blog, are you, Dan?”
“No, David.”
“Thanks goodness. One is enough.”
“My point, David is that I’ve had it for twelve years—I mean I processed a renewal! I posted my two-thousandth post at the end of December.”
“Please, Dan. Don’t remind us.”
“Here you go boys, a second beer and bourbon. Thanks for continuing to sit here and drink. Your call money is important to us.”
“Thanks Cheryl. My point, David, is why don’t they know this? Why do they treat every transaction the same, when they have enough data to make it truly personal?”
“You problem, Dan, is that you expect them to care. If you were running WordPress, you’d be all ‘Thanks buddy for having a blog since two-thousand-eleven, posting over two thousand blog posts, blah blah blah.’ They don’t work like that.”
“I guess you’re right, David.”
“Of course, I am. Once you processed that renewal, they don’t have to act like they care about you. Cha-ching, throw this schlub on the pile with the others.”
“If my memory serves me correctly, both you boys are having the Corned Beef special, and Dan is taking a second helping home.”
“Right you are, Cheryl. See, David, that’s a loyalty program.”
All five of my current books are now available in audio book form thanks to Amazon KDP’s Virtual Voice process. The voice is AI generated, but I can honestly say, it’s pretty darn good. The audio books are reasonably priced (all below $7 US) and, if you already own the Kindle version and want to add an audio version, you can do that for $1.99. There is a five-minute sample on the book page for each book. If you’re interested, click on any of the Dreamer’s Alliance book links below the image or on the link below for my latest book.
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