Bwahahaha – all the bonus points are mine! Technically, it’s up to you to comply—and I doubt very much if John Howell will deplete the Bentley fund—but I digress. It’s Saturday and, guess what, it’s raining. David and I have sloshed our way to the bar for an adult beverage and discussion (which may or may not be conducted at an adult level). We’ll also try to satisfy Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt: which includes a bonus for me, for covering for her—something I always enjoy.
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: starts with “hum.” Find a word that starts with ‘hum’ or use the word ‘hum’ itself. Send your bonus points to Dan at https://nofacilities.com/ if you use both. Enjoy!”
Hmmmm, oh wait, is that considered humming? If we were having a beer, we’d be wet.
“Cheryl, can I have a few napkins?”
“I should point out that some people start with ‘hello,’ but I understand. You look like a drowned rat, David.”
“Not only that, but the water is pouring off the stairs, and my shoes and feet are soaked.”
“Well, don’t even think about airing those dogs out in this place—no shoes—no shirt—no service.”
“Understood. Have you seen Dan?”
“He’s over by the door, hanging up his rain jacket.”
“Hi Cheryl. Hi David. Nasty weather again. Hmmm, I guess you’ve had that conversation.”
“We have, and David has been humming Row, Row, Row Your Boat since he got here.”
“Please don’t join me Dan. I swear, you’re the only person I know who can hum off key.”
“I don’t think that’s really possible, David, but I sense you’re in a bad mood, so I’ll stop humming and I’ll buy you a John Howell’s Special.”
“And a cold Modelo for you, Dan?”
“Absolutely, Cheryl. How’s that book of yours coming?”
“Great. I finally got the Kindle copy out there this week.”
“I was hoping Dan would lend me his copy when he finishes reading. You did buy the paperback, didn’t you, Dan?”
“I did, but after waiting all this time to get it, I’m not lending it to you.”
“I thought we were friends.”
“Let me clarify that statement. I’m not lending it to you or anyone.”
“Here’s your beer, Dan, and your bourbon, snifter of seltzer and glass of ice, David. You know, with the money Dan just saved you, you could buy his book and mine.”
“That’s not really the point, Chery. I’ve noticed over the years that Dan doesn’t like to lend things.”
“I’d lend you my ear if you needed to talk. I’d lend you enough money for bus fare if you were trying to get home. I’d buy you a cup of coffee, give you a light, if you smoked, and advice is always freely given.”
“But you wouldn’t lend me your reciprocating saw last week.”
“I do not lend tools.”
“Why not?”
“My father told me not to lend tools. He also suggested not borrowing tools. I didn’t take his advice to heart, and on three occasions when I did lend tools, I either didn’t get them back, or I got them back broken.”
“I see.”
“You also seem to forget that I offered to help you do the job you wanted to borrow my saw for.”
“That’s true, but it was actually my cousin who needed the saw.”
“Missing tool number one.”
“What?”
“The first time I didn’t get a tool back after lending it to someone was when that person loaned the tool to someone else who later denied ever having borrowed it.”
“I’m sure you have each story committed to memory, Dan, and I’d love to hear them, but not today.”
“Because you’re grumpy?”
“Yes. And if you must know, I’m grumpy because my feet are wet. Aren’t your feet wet? I mean you came in the same door as me.”
“My shoes are waterproof.”
“What?”
“My shoes are waterproof.”
“Who buys waterproof sneakers?”
“These aren’t sneakers, they are Solomon low-rise hiking boots, and they’re made from Goretex.”
“OK then, who wears hiking boots to a bar on a rainy Saturday afternoon?”
“I do. These are my everyday shoes since I retired. They are the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned.”
“I hope they keep making them. I’d hate to see you hobbling around in non-waterproof uncomfortable shoes.”
“I have two new pairs under the bed.”
“You keep shoes, excuse me, hiking books, in inventory?”
“I do. I’ve always done that. Once I find something I like, I tend to buy several, if they’re the kind of thing that wears out.”
“What else do you buy like that?”
“See this belt? I own three.”
“Swiss Gear? The people who make the Swiss Amry Knife?”
“Yeah. I bought them at Target.”
“But why three?”
“Sometimes, you find something at Target that you like, and they never have it again.”
“So, you have a personal commodity hedge fund in your closet.”
“You could say that.”
“What’s that you’re humming David?”
“If I Only Had a Brain—Scarecrow—Wizard of OZ.”
“I came to see if you wanted another round, but now I’m not sure Dan is still buying.”
“I am, Cheryl. As for the brainy and brainless, let’s just say, one of us has dry feet.”
All five of my current books are now available in audio book form thanks to Amazon KDP’s Virtual Voice process. The voice is AI generated, but I can honestly say, it’s pretty darn good. The audio books are reasonably priced (all below $7 US) and, if you already own the Kindle version and want to add an audio version, you can do that for $1.99. There is a five-minute sample on the book page for each book. If you’re interested, click on any of the Dreamer’s Alliance book links below the image or on the link below for my latest book.
No Facilities 
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