It’s Saturday, but it might be the last Saturday before Christmas where I want to have a long post. So, David and I are going back in time – no, you haven’t stumbled into John Howell’s blog. I promised Maureen from Oddments that I would rerun a post from 2015 when David and I talked about Christmas lights. That post was part of Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday, and since it’s a rerun, I’ll bake the SoCS prompt into this intro – Oooh, I just did.
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “bake.” Use it as a noun or a verb, use it any way you’d like. Have fun!
Many of you read this post when it was originally published. If it starts to look familiar, you can skip to the bottom. I did include a new group of photos, including a few more from Old Sturbridge Village. Note: I put the photos in two different galleries to see if I can find one that works for everyone.
If we were having a beer, you would announce that you were buying.
“Cheryl, pour this young man a Yuengling and bring me a glass of that wonderful Cabernet you serve.”
“What are you so happy about, David?”
“I finished putting up my Christmas lights.”
“That explains the glow in the west. I thought it was the airport.”
“Here you go boys, one beer, one cab, and here’s a little something for later.”
“Thanks! Mint-filled Hershey’s Kisses. Later you say? Are you sure they don’t go with wine?”
“Feel free, but that’s all you get.”
“So anyway, how many lights do you put up?”
“A few thousand, but who’s counting? What about you, Dan? Can I assume yours is a humbug house?”
“I decorate a little evergreen at the end of the ramp. It’s understated but adorable.”
“That’s it? One little tree? You go with understated inside because of your cats, what’s outside to prevent you from going a little crazy?”
“Winter.”
“Winter? It was in the 50s yesterday.”
“I know, but I can remember years where I was chiseling Christmas lights out of my gutters while standing on a ladder anchored in snow. I’m done with that.”
“Not me. Putting up Christmas lights makes me feel like a kid again.”
“David, the last thing I want is to be reminded of putting up Christmas lights when I was a kid.”
“How many lights did your dad put up?”
“It wasn’t the number, it was the OCD approach he took.”
“Keeping the lights in sets of red-blue-yellow-green-orange-white?”
“I wish it had been that simple.”
“Explain…”
“He ran lights along the gutters, down and across the bushes.”
“Sounds like the basic rectangle pattern. How hard could that be?”
“David, only the lights on the gutters and on the bushes could be lit.”
“I don’t get it. How did he accomplish that?”
“We removed the bulbs from every socket that wasn’t on a gutter or a bush. The ones from the outlet to the gutter, the ones from the gutters to the bushes and the ones between bushes. Then we put electrical tape over the end of the empty sockets. Then we wrapped each of those sockets in a Baggie. Then we wrapped the Baggies in electrical tape.”
“That must have looked great. I may steal that idea next year.”
“Feel free.”
“So, you never put lights up after that?”
“I did when our daughter was little. In fact, I let her help me one year, but I got into some serious trouble with my wife.”
“You guys OK over here?”
“We are Cheryl. Dan is about to explain how he got into trouble with his wife for putting Christmas lights up.”
“Your wife? She’s pretty sweet. How on earth did you manage that?”
“Well, I was home watching our daughter, who was about three. I wanted to string lights across the roof, but I didn’t want her to try and follow me up the ladder.”
“This sounds sensible so far.”
“I figured that the safest place for her would be on the roof with me. I walked her up the ladder. Took her to the middle of the roof and had her sit down. Then I went back down and got the lights.”
“You told your wife that you did this?”
“No. She was on her way home. When she turned the corner to our street, she saw Faith sitting on the roof alone.”
“Which one of you is paying today?”
“David is paying, why?”
“I didn’t want to jeopardize my tip by telling you that you’re an idiot.”
“Your tip is safe.”
“Dan, if you wanted your daughter to help, you could have let her help you make some decorations.”
“That’s a woman’s approach, Cheryl. Guys don’t get all craftsy.”
“I’m going to go before I blow that tip.”
“Actually, I did that one year. I got in trouble for that too.”
“What did you make, Dan?”
“Faith was a little older that year. We cut a star, a Christmas tree and a Cross out of plywood and we outlined them all in mini-lights. We put the star on a Nativity scene, the tree on the house and I put the cross above the door to our breezeway.”
“I’m assuming you didn’t take Faith back up the ladder, how’d you get into trouble?”
“The lights were blinking. My wife said it looked more like ‘Eat at God’s’ than Merry Christmas.”
“You know what? Maybe it’s a good thing you go the understated route these days. Cheryl, bring my friend Clark another Yuengling, and keep him away from ladders.”
All five of my current books are now available in audio book form thanks to Amazon KDP’s Virtual Voice process. The voice is AI generated, but I can honestly say, it’s pretty darn good. The audio books are reasonably priced (all below $7 US) and, if you already own the Kindle version and want to add an audio version, you can do that for $1.99. There is a five-minute sample on the book page for each book. If you’re interested, click on any of the Dreamer’s Alliance book links below the image or on the link below for my latest book.
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